Something I figured out along a path of healing, is that I have a lot of beliefs about myself and about life that have a lot in common with buried radioactive waste.
They were both initially created to serve a great and wonderful purpose. They did their job. And when they were no longer useful, they were encased in concrete and buried. Radioactive waste, encased in literal concrete, and beliefs, encased in the concrete wiring of my brain and cells of my body. After a long time, they tend to seep, causing trouble, from minor irritation to disease and illness.
Most people think that you can’t do anything to change either the radioactive waste or the beliefs. I’m not most people, and I know better. It took years of searching and trying this and that, but I’ve discovered ways to transmute my beliefs, and along the way discovered that radioactivity can be transmuted as well.
As for radioactivity, this is an area that we humans need help with. Yes, it absolutely can be transmuted, and so far I’m aware of two different ways, one of which enlists help from beings in spirit who are channeled by a woman I am acquainted with. I’ve been lucky enough to sit in on a few of her channeled meditations, where this group in spirit used our physical bodies to align the energies of radioactive waste to the human body so it would no longer be harmful to us. I know this can sound a bit trippy, but I’ve experienced it.
The other way I’ve seen radioactivity transmuted is by using crystals. In this video, Little Grandmother Crowthers shares how to meditate on crystals to “program” them to delete radioactivity from water.
Scientists have measured radioactivity in the water both before the crystals are introduced into it and while they are in it. It doesn’t take long for the radioactivity to be transmuted. I will add the caveat that when you meditate on the crystals to program them, the most important part is to come from your heart. (I’ve jumped to the middle of this video, but if you replay it, I believe you can watch it in its entirety. Great scientific information about how crystals are used to store information).
As for my beliefs, since we don’t have Geiger counters to detect old beliefs that are no longer true for us, I had to figure out how to construct my own detector. The critical part of this detector is my emotions. When I’m feeling emotions that make me feel uncomfortable, especially those that I feel strongly, there is often something I’m compelled to do or feel in response. I call this a reaction. My emotions become activated and then I re-act.
So, my Geiger counter is my noticing when I react to things. Sometimes when I’m astute, I’ll notice a pattern that has formed. A classic pattern for me is to have an experience, it triggers something in me, I react in a way that brings me pain, and I act out in some way.
These days, I can detect these patterns more and more easily. And when they become enough of a problem that they are in my grill, it’s time to deal with them.
Before I get into how I deal with them, I’ll share a few patterns that I’ve noticed (and dealt with) over the past few years. A biggie for me has been around my relationship with food. Something I began to notice in my thirties was that whenever any uncomfortable feelings would come up in me, I would eat to try to feel better. The older I got, the more I’d eat, and eventually I figured out that no amount of food was going to heal whatever was causing the uncomfortable feelings to come up. Quite honestly, that one is still a little bit of a work in progress. I’ve healed so very much of it, but it still comes up from time to time.
Another pattern I saw, came up around my helping my son with his homework. When my son was in elementary school and came home with homework, after taking a break, I’d sit down with him to help him with his work. Almost without fail, he would sit there and stare at the paper, unable to even begin to wrap his brain around what was on it. I knew that he could do the work, and didn’t understand why he would get what we called rock brain. I’d get more and more worked up until my frustration would boil over into anger. I’d try like crazy to hold my shit in, but there were a few times when I exploded. Afterwards I felt really badly and would apologize. But I also know that once you’ve unleashed your shit onto your kid, there’s really no unringing that bell.
There are lots of tools a person can use to find out what’s going on during these times of reaction, from working with a talented therapist, to consulting with a trusted psychic, to using meditation and connecting to your higher wisdom or to God or other form of higher wisdom.
My tool of choice lately, is what I think of as a combination of a great therapist and my higher wisdom all rolled into the brain state of a deep meditation, and I access it in hypnosis with a hypnotherapist. What she does is help me get my brain into a relaxed and focused state where I can tune into my feelings and emotions and uncover what beliefs are driving them. I essentially follow emotional threads back to where they are coming from. Once I’ve seen how a belief was created, I can shift what is no longer true for me.
When I used hypnosis to delve into why my son’s inability to do his homework would bring up such a strong reaction in me, the first thing my hypnotherapist had me do (once I was in the relaxed, focused state of hypnosis) was to just observe how I was feeling as my son struggled with his work. Because I was now directly accessing my subconscious, the thoughts that bubbled up surprised me. “What’s wrong with you? Why can’t you do this stuff? It’s easy for you- I know you can do this. Are you defective?”
Whoa! Where did those thoughts come from? How could I think this about my own son?
The next step was following those thoughts back to where they came from. As soon as I asked myself the question, I immediately accessed memories of my mother going off on me when I was very little. She was directing those very thoughts towards me, and I internalized them, thinking that if my mother was thinking that I was defective, obviously there was something wrong with me. I developed the belief that there was something wrong with me. I was defective.
What really astounded me, was, in the next moment, a “knowing” popped into my head: my mother was thinking and feeling these things about herself and acted them out on me. I was so intuitive that I picked up her thoughts and feelings and internalized them as my own. In fact, I am not defective, and there was absolutely nothing wrong with me. Looking at the small child that was me, I knew that she was a perfect and beautiful child of God. In fact, she was amazing. Boom! The moment the truth of it all hit me, the belief that had been festering in me for decades shifted and completely dissolved. That trigger was completely deactivated.
The next time I sat down with my son to help him with his homework and he started to have rock brain, where I used to become frustrated, I now felt a strange emptiness come over me. It was like a part of me was trying to grab onto something that was no longer there. I felt an actual hole of nothingness. It was so weird that I burst out laughing. My son didn’t understand why I was laughing, and he started to chuckle as well. The trigger was most definitely gone. What I learned a few years later, is that rock brain is actually a form of panic attack.
Our brain creates beliefs so it will be happy. If something doesn’t make sense, the brain will experience anxiety until it is able to create a belief that makes sense of that situation, even if it isn’t true.
So much of our young experiences that brought us emotional pain are the breeding grounds for what I call mis-beliefs. Beliefs that were created in order to make sense of an experience, so the brain would stop feeling anxious and relax. Beliefs that we thought were true at the time, but as an adult, we know are not true.
When I was little and my mother would verbally attack me, my child brain made sense of her behavior by creating a belief that I deserved this sort of treatment and that I did something to cause it. I created beliefs of unworthiness, of being not enough, of being defective, of having something wrong with me, and more.
Any time a person gets upset or angry at us, we think that we caused it. Guess what folks? Not true. We were merely a trigger for the stuff that was already inside of them. My son didn’t make me mad; he merely triggered a belief that lived in me that was actually a mis-belief.
So many people are raised with tools of conditional love and approval; if they don’t behave a certain way or do certain things, then they will lose love, attention, affection. And how do you hurt a child (or any person for that matter) the deepest? Take away love and attention. Take away something they love. Every time you do this, the child is creating the belief that they are only worthy if they do or say certain things, or if they behave or are a certain way. Their self-worth and self-value becomes conditional upon things external to themselves. (And we wonder why we are such a consumer driven society constantly looking for the next escape!).
How do we “correct” unwanted behavior in small children? Give them a punitive time-out. Put them in a naughty chair where love and attention is withheld. Don’t let them join in fun that the others are having. Disconnect from them. If a child misbehaves often, and this is the go-to method of dealing with them, the child soon creates the belief that they are bad and that love is conditional.
We all carry around a bag of beliefs, some of which serve us well, and many that no longer work. When you begin to notice things in your life that come up again and again, things that you don’t want, whip out your Geiger counter. Pay special attention to when you react, when you are triggered. Those situations are the ones to take a look at. Your reactions are the red flags that let you know you are carrying around an old belief within you that is no longer true for you. With a little digging into the subconscious, it’s very possible to find out what’s going on, and make a shift.