Healing Judgment About Religion

Recently I wrote about noticing how my feelings around religion and my mother-in-law have shifted. I didn’t realize it until I saw one of the religious books she’d sent us a few years ago. It had floated around the house and ended up in my son’s bedroom where I picked it up and read the cover. Instead of an instant rejection of the book because it’s put out by a religious sect that I consider more of a cult than a religion, I experienced a moment of grace. A moment when I noticed I’ve changed.

The book contains prayers and scriptures to help people in times of struggle and trial, and I suddenly appreciated the fact that my mother-in-law’s religion is so important to her because it got her thought the devastating loss of a child. The worst pain I could imagine. And she wants to share her coping tools with those she cares about.

Noticing this new internal reaction, I wrote a piece all about how different religions resonate with all sorts of different people. The core message of love is there, but dogma and doctrine varies, influenced by centuries of the human condition: interpretations, translations, what to include and what to leave out.

As I was finishing up the piece I suddenly remembered a time when I was very young and instead of being mean to my little brother, which was the go-to reaction when he was bugging me, for some reason I was nice to him. I responded with compassion and I still remember feeling my heart open and it feeling good. I also remember it felt weird because it was a new thing.

Because I like to create memes using my photography and inspired thought, I made a meme. This one wasn’t on a pretty picture (just a small pad of paper I had), but it was more of a short story.

Something about my newfound lack of judgment around religions in general and a memory of feeling compassion for the first time allowed things that were shifting and healing deep inside me to boil to the surface and release.

All of a sudden I was overtaken by emotion and my heart broke open as thoughts beyond my current life erupted up and out. “Oh God! I’m so sorry for all the people I persecuted in the name of religion. For all the people I persecuted and killed and SHAMED in the name of religion.” Regret and sorrow boiled out of me as the thoughts swirled around and around. It felt like the release of every and any life I’ve lived when I was responsible for religious persecution. For having people put to death and for shaming people in the name of religion.

I wailed and cried, letting the sorrow flow out and through me, left spent several minutes later.

I am changed, now able to finally appreciate that everyone finds their way when it comes to faith, belief, and religion. And some, like me who never found the answers through the framework of religion, have gone on to find not only faith but spiritual truths by going through spiritual awakenings and having other metaphysical experiences including deep spiritual healing.

The irony is, years ago as I was working on issues with my hypnotherapist before Kundalini energy opened, what came up in a session was a past life when I was the one persecuted in the name of religion. And now the other side of the coin finally came up.

During my healing journey I’ve seen that we play different roles in lifetimes for the purpose of having a variety of experiences, giving us opportunities to grow as a soul. Although my mother was sometimes abusive toward me until she was finally medicated when I was about sixteen, I’ve been told about a lifetime when I was the domineering husband to my mother’s role of being my wife. And I’m aware of a few other lifetimes I shared with people who are currently family or friends, where we took on different roles, such as my current son formerly being my mother and I was the son. Although I had a domineering and abusive brother in this lifetime, during a past life I was the domineering one.

We all take on different roles in various lifetimes and it was quite surprising to discover I’ve played the role of religious persecutor a number of times. And so very freeing to have released the emotional burden that was apparently still with me.

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