Healing Pain

The further along in my Kundalini awakening process I walk, the more universal the spiritual wisdom comes through me. Feeling the need to release built up internal pressure, I recently did healing work again. This time with someone new. She was recommended by a fellow Kundalini awakening experiencer, and one of the modalities the healer is versed in is hypnotherapy.

Arriving a little bit early to my appointment, I was surprised to find the door beneath the business’s sign locked and shades drawn, looking very much closed. But I reasoned the practitioner might be running late and I was probably her first appointment of the day. Yet about five minutes past our appointment time, it occurred to me that the office might be within a set of doors behind me that led to several offices up a flight of stairs. Being so utterly discombobulated and out of it (because I needed to do some releasing big time), I hadn’t realized that the number of her office denoted being on the second floor of the building, and I’d been waiting outside a storefront of a former, now out-of-business business.

Finally getting a clue and finding the cozy upstairs office, I found the practitioner and rambled on about confusedly waiting downstairs, instead of just apologizing for being late.

Working with anyone new always takes a bit of getting to know each other, and we sat and talked for quite a while. Trying to focus on what I wanted to accomplish in the session, I talked at length about not only how I’ve used hypnosis over the past several years, but that it was the gateway to Kundalini energy cracking open. I spoke about what my awakening process has been and what I specifically wanted from her, which was very simple to my mind. All I wanted was for her to help guide me to my own inner wisdom to ask what was ready to leave and to have her essentially hold space and use her own intuition to help my process. These days I don’t need to go deep and I’m able to let the process unfold on its own. But I seem to need another person to help me by being the safe container and the witness.

Knowing I was going to have a hypnosis session in this first visit, I expected to talk for about half an hour or so and have 45 minutes to an hour for the hypnosis. But the practitioner seemed to go on for quite a while. I could see her listening to my story, asking lots of questions, fitting it into her ayurvedic boxes.

At one point it felt like the more I tried to explain the unexplainable and focus in on what I wanted, the bigger the gap opened between us. And when something inside began to fear she wasn’t right for me, which only brought up more fear and feelings of defeat, I stopped talking and just sat and listened. (In hind sight, I’m pretty sure I was picking up on her stuff because my system was very open and discombobulated – not grounded or centered). She described some of the processes she teaches people, like sitting in their pain and giving them new frameworks for understanding their bodies and functions, and I just listened. I wasn’t interested in learning yet another framework. Allopathic medicine, naturopathic medicine, homeopathic medicine, acupuncture and Chinese medicine, Energy Healing, Qi Gong, Tai Chi, the Chakra System, the Five Elements, and so much more.

When I first became interested in Energy Healing and discovered Deborah King, she spoke often about people’s doshas (ayurvedic body type), so I had a little bit of familiarity, but in the moment I was barely in my body and was looking for healing ASAP to help bring me back to Earth.

Finally, she told me she’s all about facilitating whatever someone needs and asked me if I wanted to do some hypnosis. And I just about yelled that’s why I was there! Suddenly, all sorts of excitement came over me and I couldn’t wait to lie on her table in her tiny healing inner sanctum. Barely able to stop talking, I laid on her comfy table and relaxed as she anointed my forehead with essential oils, put on soothing music, and did her thing. I was a tiny bit nervous just because we’d never worked together before, but soon relaxed into the process.

Smelling the oils, and relaxing into the music and the comfy table, she talked me down very quickly and asked that my inner wisdom come forward to let us know what was ready to be released. Paying attention to my body and any visions that began to come into my third eye, I noticed the back of my neck being a bit uncomfortable and the vision of a little girl appearing.

I’ve connected so many times with my inner child that these days she shows up easily. Cowering in fear, the young child was once again accusing me of lying to her. Of telling her life in a physical body here on Earth would be an adventure. That it would be fun. But to her, life was pain. It was all sorts of discomfort and pain. Before long, I saw an older version of myself, around twenty-four, come into the scene and cradle the little one in her arms. The older one held and supported the younger one, comforting her. As the little one threw a tantrum repeating, “You lied to me!” the “you” soon meant not me, the woman typing these words, but God. The God in me.

And then I downloaded that this was a soul injury. My very soul was hurting.

Then, off to my right I had the sense of yet another someone being present. And although I couldn’t see this other someone, I knew they were holding a higher energetic vibration, much like what Archangel Michael does for me.

At one point the practitioner asked if I could hold space for both the versions of my younger selves and the being holding the higher vibration, and without hesitation the answer came back a resounding “No!” I would not be left in limbo when the goal was to heal and release.

A moment later, the scene of the twenty-four year old still cradling the little girl became encased in a giant egg shaped field of energy and the outside was black. I knew the blackness was merely a hard outer shell that was asking to be cracked open. And I knew there was light inside dying to get out. Looking at the big black shape, relaxing into the resistance and wondering what it was, the word PAIN suddenly peppered itself all over the outside. What wanted to be seen, recognized, validated and witnessed was pain.

It was all the pain I’d felt as a little girl, pain I’d felt at other times in my life and in other lifetimes, and even pain happening in the world right now as we’re all going through massive upheaval and evolution, cracking shells of comfort, ego, and the human shadow open.

As I thought about my own Kundalini awakening process and how painful it’s been, I wondered how much more pain do I have to process before I can feel like myself again every day. Thinking about when this might happen, I saw the word, “WHEN” appear as the massive letters overlaying the entire scene. And the question was instantly answered, “Soon. Not too much longer now. Not much more pain to transmute. Hang in there. You’re doing great.” (In the realm of spirit, since time doesn’t exist, soon in this case could be weeks or months, but likely not years).

Refocusing on how to heal the pain, the practitioner helped me continue to relax into it and as I remembered it’s not my job to know how things will happen, I suddenly saw the word LOVE peppered all over the outside of the hard, black shell. Although I could still see the words, PAIN, with a big emotional release of tears, LOVE began to work its magic.

The scene with the large black energetic shell covered with the words, PAIN and LOVE began to dissolve. Both versions of my younger selves encased within the blackness simply began to dissolve. And when I was asked how my little inner child was doing, I knew she was happy. She was no longer upset and no longer in resistance to being here in physical form.

With inner resistance having been addressed and released, the practitioner asked me about the new wisdom I held. What was it? Pain blocks love, and love heals pain. As simple as that.

With that the session ended. Although it was pretty quick, it was effective. Not much of an induction, but apparently I didn’t need it.

Since the session, I find myself feeling more centered and focused. More present and more like myself. Not so much when I first wake up in the morning, but after engaging in activities.

Looks like I’ve found another local practitioner to work with. I really like the space she’s created and has inhabited for almost a decade.

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