Energetic Swiss Cheese

My Kundalini awakening is very different from most that I’m aware of. Although yes, the energy is pushing up things in me that don’t resonate with oneness so I can heal them, most people take action to match their changing consciousness.

What I mean by that is when their job no longer resonates with their new consciousness they leave their job and get a different one. Or when relationships no longer resonate with their new consciousness they end. And sometimes people move. Many people who go through kundalini awakening experience changes to their consciousness which then spur changes in their outer lives.

In my case, a dysfunctional (sibling) relationship has effectively ended. But I haven’t gotten divorced, haven’t moved, and haven’t quit my job because I can’t quit being a mother (despite how challenging raising my son can be). My exterior life looks much the same, despite my consciousness having shifted quite a bit.

And part of it is because I haven’t had the physical energy to do much more than the absolute bare necessities, and part is because of how deeply my emotional wounds and triggers are being healed.

That said, my energetic boundaries were blown apart when Kundalini energy opened and I’ve been working constantly ever since to create new energetic boundaries through healing my inner world. And quite frankly, my awakening experience has been one of incredible amounts of experiencing both pain and having compassion. Embodying others’ inner disconnection and healing what’s within me that’s resonating with their shit.

It’s miserable to embody things I’ve already healed, only to have to heal them more deeply and broadly. Things I’m not even conscious of until they’re healed and awareness finally hits my consciousness. Sometimes this awakening process has me feeling out of sorts and foggy, and sometimes my body manifests pain and discomfort or exhaustion that is not indicative of an illness process. It’s just resonating with someone else’s unhealed wounds until I’m able to heal things. Until whatever’s still in me finally comes up, shifts, and releases. I barely even have to try when it comes to the energetic shift; they happen so easily in the right conditions.

Although I’ve experienced temporary body aches and itchiness that comes and goes, a new physical “symptom” that yes, I’ve seen two doctors about, and is not illness, bothered me for several days a month ago, and came back. And it was fucking miserable. Itching and big discomfort in an area of the body known for having delicate tissues. And both times it showed up, it corresponded with having a house guest I’d rather not have while I’m so not myself and while my energetic boundaries are still Swiss cheese.

I didn’t know how much of the miserable discomfort was physically based, and how much had to do with unconscious resonance with either my family or our guest or even something else going on in the collective, but the apex of discomfort came the day our guest went home, which was the day before a healing session I’d already had on the books. And thankfully, the morning of the session I woke up a bit more comfortable that the excruciating day before.

Healing my way through this awakening is creating very deep, generational healing, is changing my consciousness, and is broadening my awareness of not only my life, but of the human condition in general and issues that affect the collective. And with each healing I’m remembering more of who I am at my core, becoming more centered and grounded, am releasing more of my human-created beliefs, and am shoring up my energetic boundaries.

Stay tuned to see what came up as it was healed.

2 thoughts on “Energetic Swiss Cheese

  1. The great news is you are doing deep substantive work which will be an absolute game changer later down the road. For me, because past and futute life memory has played a role in some of my own work, has made me wonder what it might be like to step more lightly on the earth again in an entirely new chapter in my developement after all this work is done. What will it be like to not be drawn to people who are chaotic drama monsters? What would it be like to not lose a parent early in life? What would it be like to just be less fricken neurotic about some things (that I didn’t even know I had a problem with because it was stuffed down so good)?

    What might that look like? And how much more clear and palpable might love be in my experience in such a nee phase or chapter (okay honestly, I am already experiencing it)? It already has reached significant zeniths even now in this topsy-turvy mish-mash of a world. I pinch myself. Did all of this really happen? How did I get so lucky to go through such a game-changing event?

    All of this and more is building building building like some cosmic bank account, positive being exchanged with old negatives, new opportunities for you. For all of us. What new world of pearlescent possibility does it open us up to?

    I may have said this before to you, if I have, sorry, think of me as your forgetful friend who repeats himself…but I can remember feeling like I could feel EVERYONE’S shite. It was crazy. But my friend, teacher, mentor, and gifted intuitive friend Ali pointed out that I wasn’t feeling everyone, I was picking up on people’s own issues that I still had issues deeper down myself that needed resolving. I was like the puppy who cocks its head to the sude when it hears an unaccustomed sound! So I took that in, not totally sure that was so and spent time observing to see what turned up.

    The day came that I was at a winter solstice party and began to feel an absolute dreadful feeling of anxiety. In that moment, it made no sense WHY I would be feeling this way. I was completely at ease moments before. So I asked myself inwardly, “Am I REALLY feeling this or is it coming from someone else?” The answer came back quickly that no, this was not originating from me but was from someone else. I asked who it was coming from and my inner guidance pointed to someone who was across the room who I hadn’t been introduced to yet.

    I asked him quite suddenly if he had trouble with anxiety. At first he sunk into his chair, but brightened up and began to tell me about his life-long issue with anxiety. He then added with this curious look that he had been feeling an anxiety attack coming on moments before I asked him my rather direct question.

    So? The result or takeaway was that I still had issues with anxiety because I could pick up on it from him so clearly. He was triggering me energetically. It also showed me that by making that issue more conscious in my mind, I also was helping to resolve it: anxiety is what we do irrationally when we allow ourselves to drop into fear and uncertainty….and it could be over something as simple as sitting in a room full of people. His anxiety helped me to see how silly mine was. His anxiety helped me to dig deeper to pluck the fear out and give it over to the light. And poof! Gone. And yes, there were more layers to that onion, but one layer had been peeled back already.

    What on earth have I been waiting for? Afraid or uncertain of? After I did that, I was never again so deeply affected by others like that. Sometimes I can feel it but I’m not bowled over by it. And yes, I can feel it in others but it isn’t as debilitating as it once was. I can still get the memo without the deep trouble energetically. This isn’t to say the same could be the same for you, though! We are all different. That uniqueness is worth celebrating and makes the path forward so unique in certain ways for all of us. I did though have a family friend (going through the awakening) unfriend me online when I suggested that she was doing more than channeling others’ energy, but mirroting it because it had an important lesson to teach her in her healing work. Oh well…

    But for you, this might be a tool that will serve as a barometer for your healing wotk, a sign or pointer to that deeper hitch within which your own experience will guide you over and over to greater healing….until things shift or change (because we change so much within in regards to triggers and all the rest—and thank goodness for ttiggers because they are giant flags saying “Here I am, an issue needing attention!”).

    I’m yammering probably because I have been locked up in the studio for so long! The point was, hurrah for trusting (though maybe not enjoying patts of it…) for yours is the kingdom…

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I always appreciate your comments and sharing your experience – it’s helpful to see the commonality and the differences as well. When you write, “I wasn’t feeling everyone, I was picking up on people’s own issues that I still had issues deeper down myself that needed resolving,” this is just what I’ve been going through as well.

    But the way I word it is: I resonate with other people’s unhealed “stuff”. Unhealed issues are largely, if not solely based on unhealed UNconscious beliefs that don’t resonate with Oneness. And yes, I once resonated with my son’s anxiety/panic, which was beyond uncomfortable. And in the recognition that I’d been resonating with it, the resonance immediately changed. But so often these days I can’t figure out what’s going on other than feeling generally more out of sorts than usual. And trying to become meditative and go within is something I can’t do on my own these days, hence healing sessions. And I believe even this is by design for my process – working with other people.

    Sometimes in the days leading up to a session, I’ll pay attention to things that make me unusually emotional. These become cues and clues to things that are ready to be released. Once a healing session is booked, my body and field begin to stir stuff up in anticipation of being released. What I love about my healing process is how complete it feels. And that I always receive insight as to what was healed after things shift and let go. A claircognizant download.

    Off to work on part 2 of this post.


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