Vulnerability

Back in 2016 I’d reached a point in my healing evolution where through my hypnotherapy healing sessions I’d begun to know myself as divine and wanted a space to speak both through my newer spiritual lens, but also wanted a place to vent about things that can be hard to hear, hence the birth of this blog. A sister blog to Life’s a Journey… Not a Guided Tour.

Since then I’ve had a few posts here that I’ve shared with my Life’s a Journey readers. Cross over posts. But I’ve always tried to keep that blog free from things that can be hard to hear. Sometimes I’ll share what came up in healing sessions on both blogs but leave out some of the more uncomfortable details on the other site. It’s a place that’s perhaps easier to digest, where I share my love of photography from time to time and talk about mothering a special son.

The thing is, after so much of my Kundalini awakening addressing things beyond my conscious awareness, healing what sometimes feels like other people’s stuff that I just happen to resonate with, my more recent healing sessions have been directly addressing my childhood again. And what’s been coming up has to do with sexual violation, which is hard to hear about. Another lost memory recently resurfaced.

The thing is, what’s being healed is far beyond my childhood – it’s actually about part of the major reason for my birth and existence. What’s been coming up has to do with part of my pre-birth plan for this lifetime: being disempowered, being victimized, and reclaiming myself from the inside out. Healing not only hurt from my childhood but reinstituting feelings of self-empowerment. And knowing my soul wanted this crazy experience.

After reblogging my post about Earth Angels to my other blog, yesterday I began writing a post about mystics. A few people I follow on social media self-identify as modern mystics and I’ve been feeling like I do too. I’ve also been tossing around the idea of reading my posts out loud to give people the option of reading or listening, and as such pulled out my voice recorder and started reading out loud. I got about three-quarters of the way through the post and suddenly I became very emotional and just let go.

These days, when I’m in a contemplative state of mind, energetic blocks can spontaneously melt allowing what I think of as knowledge dumps (claircognizance). I experience emotional-energetic releases accompanied by my soul’s wisdom or knowledge coming forward. And I’ve had this happen when I was musing or talking out loud. Usually, it happens within the confines of a healing session, but not always.

The thing is, after an inner shift, my entire being goes through an integration phase of change where my thoughts can be temporarily muddied, my sleep can be off for a few days, and my body can become unusually sore or achy for a few days. And I woke up today with what feels like a vulnerability hangover from oversharing – from sharing a post about having been sexually violated on my other blog. The thing is, I’ve shared this fact there before, but never felt this way afterward.

The larger part of me knows that my perception of things is a little bit skewed right now and I’ll feel more like myself (grounded, centered) likely by tomorrow. But it’s really weird to feel this way when it’s been so foreign to me for years now. When I know it’s not me. Feelings of shame and embarrassment because of things I experienced years ago are long gone.

But something about yesterday’s spontaneous release had to do with feeling vulnerable when sharing my story – which I now realize more than ever is part of my life’s mission. When we talk about our vulnerable moments, and share them with compassion and understanding, when we bring light to them it dissolves shame and stigma. That’s it. Another layer of collective judgment and shame dissolved, allowing more of my life’s purpose to come through.

Leave A Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s