Energetic Portals as Doorways to Change

Less than a week ago we reached the peak of an annual energetic portal, the Lion’s Gate. It happens every August 8th. Not knowing a whole lot about it, other than it’s a portal and a fairly big deal, I read a little bit and discovered that there’s an astrological significance to the time of year and it’s a time when the veil between worlds is thinner.

As such, people can leverage this special time to create wanted changes in their lives.

It’s a time when people rewrite life agreements and set intentions. For some people, writing letters and then burning them helps make shifts in their lives. Or gathering en masse participating in group meditations. I know several people who take advantage of portals.

As for myself, a big energetic shift happened smack on 8/8, and not by my conscious intention. It was one of these inner shifts that was ripe and just happened. Sort of.

I inadvertently said something to my Sweetheart that hit him sideways and triggered him. The next thing I knew, he was upset and his energy ran through me like a mule kick to the gut. For the rest of the day, I held my tongue as my head became a shitstorm of crap thoughts. It truly sucked. The next day, after a horrible night’s sleep I could barely eat and had the shits as my stomach ached.

The thing is, when these moments happen, a part of me deep inside resonates with his upset and shifts energetically. It becomes healed. And once the healing shift happens I become aware of what was going on. But during the moment it can be hard to recognize thoughts racing through my mind for what they are. More often than not it’s only after the shitstorm-of-my-mind has quieted that I can see with a bit of clarity. Sometimes a phrase will come to me immediately after the shift, but things weren’t so clear the other day because of the intensity of the resonance.

The past five days have been rough. But things are easing a bit. Receiving some Reiki the other day helped.

Because I’ve been so immersed in my own stuff recently, today I’ve finally been able to take a step back and see some of the shifts going on in the outer world. And one form of change I hadn’t thought about until recently is the ultimate shift. Moving between worlds by leaving the body. As Theo says, croaking.

Energetic portals can make transitioning between worlds easier as evidenced by the recent passings of Olivia Newton-John and Anne Heche. And an acquaintance’s father-in-law. Any time someone crosses over it creates a big energetic ripple, a release of grief and sadness. And love.

I grew up with the music of Olivia Newton-John and was introduced to her by the movie Grease. I was a fan. She represented beauty and grace and was stalwart and philanthropic during the years she lived with cancer. Her death has hit so many people, and the light she brought into the world was felt by millions.

When people cross over tragically as in the case of Anne Heche, I see myself in them. I know the inner demons and pain that drives people to perpetrate self-destructive behavior. I know it so intimately. And especially in the case of Anne, finding out she was a victim of incest (by her father) really hits home for me. Oof. I’m simultaneously saddened that she wasn’t able to heal her demons, and jealous that she’s now back on the other side swaddled in the unconditional love she never felt for herself here.

But I know that it was their time because nobody dies without permission – without the agreement between their higher selves and God. Their souls took advantage of the thinning of the veil between worlds and crossed over.

Rest in peace Olivia and Anne. You reached mission complete! For now…

Integration and Rewiring

One of the not so fun effects of my Kundalini awakening is waking up tired and foggy and spending two hours on a blog post only to have it end up a winding mess of incoherent drivel that will likely languish and die in my drafts folder. Being able to follow one thread of thought without forgetting half my vocabulary and jumping around like a cat on a hot tin roof ain’t happening today. Time to let my scattered brain rest.

Judgment

I was scrolling through one of my favorite social media platforms and saw a post quoting the Bible. It said, “Do not judge or you too will be judged. Matthew 7:1”

The first thing to hit me was when you judge another it’s because you hold the exact same judgmental feelings about yourself. Most people don’t know this. Judgment is something Spirit doesn’t feel. It’s not a spiritual concept, it’s a feature of being human.

We carry parts of ourselves who are unacceptable, disavowed, and buried deep within us. Parts who act out in ways that are socially unacceptable. We’re socialized from day one and learn what’s acceptable and what’s not.

When my son was very young, I took him to a local park and lake for a swim. When we got there, I grabbed his swimsuit and a towel out of our bag, and before I could take him to the changing rooms he got naked right there on the grassy area by the lake and put on his suit. I didn’t think much of it because he was around four and wasn’t self-conscious yet. After he ran down to the water’s edge an elderly woman nearby squawked, “Has he no shame?” I looked right at her and said, “No. I haven’t taught him to be ashamed of his body.” I let it go at that, but the woman probably had all sorts of judgmental thoughts about me.

One of the cool side effects of healing inner trauma, emotional triggers, annoyances, and other crud has been simultaneously releasing negative judgments about myself.

And as I no longer feel judgment toward myself, neither do I toward others. What’s left is compassion and understanding.

Lakeside

Shifting Sands

I spend days with my feet on shifting sands.

I don’t fit in my skin, my body.

Life is uncomfortable and seeing others in pain triggers my own.

My entire essence isn’t me right now.

Where have I gone?

I’ve gone for a swim in the ocean and haven’t come back yet.

Not a pleasant, refreshing swim, but one plagued by sharks and towering waves that keep crashing over and over me.

Yet while this goes on I still hear, feel, and know the voice inside telling me to hang on. It’s nearly over.

The excruciating discomfort that brings me to tears again and again

The discomfort that wants so badly to go home, to be set free

The discomfort that’s so much part of being human

The discomfort my soul longed to taste again. WTF was I thinking?

My totally badass soul wanted another crack at transmuting the pain.

Not just a little bit, but ALL of it.

The Olympics of transmuting pain. Of the alchemy of the self.

I hear that I’ve done this before. Many times in many lives. But never in this body or in this time in history.

And boy, does my soul love a challenge!

It loves to take a crack at the hundred-foot wave. Longing to surf the face.

Get up on the top of the wave but not too far forward or you’ll get pounded. BTDT.

Dizziness and feeling swirly let me know things are shifting.

It feels like when I’ve been on the water long enough to have my sea legs and then get back on land. My equilibrium is off temporarily.

The balance thing might be a little bit annoying but it’s nothing compared to not feeling like myself.

Like a butterfly without its wings, a bird without feathers, an opera singer without her voice.

During times of shifting sands, I hang on for dear life. As much as I’d sometimes rather not.

It’s already been made very clear that checking out is no longer an option this time around.

And that I’m built for this.

My hull was designed to weather all sorts of storms.

And one day I’ll drop anchor. But not yet.

Noticing Changes

One of the things about being on a healing path is noticing changes. Noticing how I react differently in certain situations and how I feel in general. Sometimes they’re very subtle, and sometimes not.

About a week after a healing session that included soul reconnection I noticed a lack of emotional reactivity to something that’s been particularly bothersome for the past few years. It was a lovely surprise.

A new sense of freedom. Like I can breathe more easily. Feeling a little bit more like myself again.

Effects During Kundalini Awakening

For the past five years and then some, Kundalini energy has been blasting its way through me. I say blasting because when it first opened it felt like my energetic boundaries were blown wide open. I was suddenly at one with the world. Sort of. My consciousness had recently flipped such that my truth became Oneness. Unity consciousness. Anything and everything that resonated with Oneness rang true for me and it still does. That hasn’t changed and won’t.

As human beings, during our first 6-8 years of life we create a world of inner truths that resonate with brokenness, loneliness, and less-than perfect and whole. In a nutshell, truths that resonate with separation. And where we get into trouble is when these truths rub up against those of our soul who knows we’re all one and already perfect and whole in each and every moment. But I digress.

Initially, feeling at one with the world was great. I had compassion for everyone and I understood their pain. However, my awakening also came with a purpose bubbling through to me as the mission to ‘heal duality’. It was clear as day. A bit like a bullhorn actually. My initial spiritual awakening six years previous to this one woke up the passion to learn all about energy healing, and now that I’d learned quite a bit and had healed quite a bit, this second awakening was taking things up a notch. Anything and everything that didn’t resonate with oneness, with unity consciousness, was fair game to be healed.

I’ve been on a fast track of inner change that sometimes leaves me hanging on for dear life.

Initially, any time I felt any sort of unwanted inner resistance (things within me that were rooted in fear) I could shift and heal them by sitting quietly, focusing through my heart, and allowing the shift to happen. And shift they did. It was that easy. But within a few months, inner shifts began to happen spontaneously. Before one shift was fully integrated, another one would pop off leaving me tired and foggy-headed, and with temporary aches and pains as my body adapted to my new energy field.

Being around someone whose beliefs of less-than were activated could kick off a resonance within me. It felt like my energetic skin was peeled bare. When something in my energy field resonated and began to vibrate, a healing shift could and often would happen automatically. Kundalini energy has been facilitating the loosening of energetic knots within me that don’t resonate with oneness, allowing them to bubble up and become healed.

The thing is, before having an inner healing shift, there were times when I’d act out the other person’s unhealed stuff and wouldn’t even realize it until later, especially during the first three years of the awakening. I was mirroring their unhealed beliefs of less-than right to their face completely unconsciously, and there’s nothing more triggering than that. As the person I was with became more and more activated, they’d eventually become upset, and that was about the point my energy field was ripe to shift. Early on, the timing of these healing shifts were completely out of my control and there were a few times I doubled over bawling as I released energetically. Along with the release I’d receive a spiritual download letting me know what I’d just healed.

One of the more dramatic releases happened when I was talking with a loved one who was upset and as I was trying to calm them down, my voice suddenly began to get louder and louder without my realizing it. It wasn’t until they were really upset and asked why I was yelling at them that I realized the thoughts that had been going through my mind weren’t mine. Thoughts telling me they weren’t getting it, they weren’t hearing me, sparked off fear and my voice got louder and louder. Jarred by their comment, I suddenly experienced an inner healing shift accompanied by my doubling over bawling, and asking for forgiveness. It all burst out of me utterly out of my control.

There were times like this when I wasn’t myself as I acted out other people’s unconscious beliefs, not able to see it in the moment. Only later could I look back and realize I wasn’t acting like myself at all. I cried in front of a virtual stranger because as I shared about some of the deep healing I’d done, they became upset. But they were stoic and hid their true feelings. As we talked I said a few things that probably mildly offended them because my thoughts were barraged by a host of this person’s insecurities. It was only when I left that I realized I was acting out their unhealed stuff.

As my awakening process evolved a bit I began to be able to feel when a shift was about to happen and I could extricate myself from situations to release (cry) in private. And I began to be able to hold back shifts for either hours or days until I had a safe space to let them happen. After having the houseguests from hell for about ten days, I released and bawled for probably a good twenty or so minutes straight. When they were here, I picked up on all sorts of their unhealed pain.

Later on, there were a few times when I didn’t experience a healing shift, yet found myself reverberating with someone’s unhealed stuff.

One day when an acquaintance was visiting, we were catching up and I talked about one of my son’s challenges. They opened up and shared that they had similar challenges, and while they were being vulnerable I responded to something they said with a wisecrack. It wasn’t how I’d normally respond, and I’m pretty sure it didn’t land well. But I didn’t even realize this until after they’d left. Thinking about the whole thing, I remembered this person is very sarcastic and responds to life with wisecracks and sarcasm all the time. I now see how it’s a defense mechanism that in the right circumstances can be funny. But in that moment wasn’t.

These are just a few of the more awkward moments of what I now call unconsciously mirroring people’s shit to their faces. Not fun at all. At the time I began to realize that just being around other people was like entering a minefield, and if I hadn’t been so rooted to my family and my current life, I would have left in search of solitude. But it wasn’t an option for me.

Thank goodness awakenings are a process because as much as mine is still intense, it’s evolving. It’s easing gradually. These days my life is still all about healing duality, healing my “human condition.” And along with healing my beliefs of less-than, I’m healing soul family relationships that have been playing out for lifetimes.

A Spiritual Truth

Years ago, I was following a group guided meditation and at the end of it, I received a message. “The deeper you can ground, the higher you can fly.”

One of the things I’ve discovered about spiritual truths is how my understanding of them deepens and evolves as I grow and evolve.

Back when this came to me I was fascinated by intuitives: people who had direct access to spirit in a way I didn’t. I wanted to be clairvoyant or clairaudient or to be able to see things like auras. I wanted to see things from what I call the 30,000 ft. view. I was taking metaphysical classes, just beginning to learn what abilities I had (we’re all born with intuitive senses), and was amazed when I was able to do things like see (with my mind’s eye) the energy of a person or a situation. But of course, I had to be sitting quietly, eyes shut, with a meditative state of mind.

Some experiences happened only once, like hearing my dead uncle’s voice during a guided meditation about connecting with our loved ones who’d crossed over. I was taking in a talk at a local spiritual center’s Mind, Body, Spirit Fair, so the energy of the sacred grounds probably helped. It was so unexpected that my brain tried to talk me out of it, but I knew with every fiber of my being I heard my uncle’s voice outside of my head. It brought me to tears because I hadn’t heard his voice since before his death in 1986.

Once when I asked a local psychic I knew and respected what natural ability I had, he said I could hear it when people lied. I could hear inauthenticity and deception in their voice, and he couldn’t. I thought everyone could do this.

Initially, when the message came to me, grounding was something I’d learned in classes: to sit quietly and run through a short meditation designed to connect me with both earth and cosmic energy, clear out my energy field, and bring me into the present moment. After doing this I’d be more available to connect to spirit in general. I’d be able to see energy more easily using my third eye, receive clairvoyant images, and connect to spirit. And it absolutely helped.

When I was working with my first spiritual hypnotherapist, after I began to heal my inner child and felt more and more inner peace, I realized this work made me feel more grounded and centered overall. It wasn’t a temporary state of being, but rather a permanent shift of consciousness. And the more my inner world became healed, the stronger the connection to my higher self and my spiritual team became, naturally.

I began to understand how all the unconscious beliefs of less-than I lived with impacted me. They constantly kicked me out of the present moment, making me think about the past or worry about the future. All my negative emotional triggers, whether they made me mildly frustrated or sent me into a rage, whether they made me feel ashamed, regretful, sad, or merely wistful were all tied to unconscious beliefs I held about myself. Every single one.

And any time they were activated they ungrounded me. My thoughts would flash back to a moment years ago when I wished I’d handled a situation better, and then a moment later I’d pay attention to traffic again while I was driving. These thoughts come and go quickly and usually without our paying attention to them. During a conversation, a friend would mention something their daughter was doing and I’d suddenly think about a worry I had about my child. But a moment later the conversation steered in another direction and the worry passed. This is how we as humans work. Thoughts flit in and out due to these unconscious beliefs I refer to as the human condition. It’s normal.

Noticing repeating patterns with my thoughts, I’d have healing sessions to help dissolve emotional triggers that I’d respond to by eating when I wasn’t hungry. And after working with this same spiritual hypnotherapist for a few years, I began to pay more and more attention to the spiritual wisdom that came through in each and every session. Not only was I experiencing profound healing, but was growing my connection to spirit; an unexpected benefit.

Today, when I have healing sessions I don’t have to be in a state of hypnosis to connect to my intuition. It happens when I’m with a healer and close my eyes. Sitting or lying down, letting my body relax, and focusing is all I need. Being asked a question, the answer comes immediately, before my brain has time to kick in. An image, a feeling, and a download of information come to me.

Going through the intense Kundalini energy process I’ve been going through, I could care less about seeing people’s auras or hearing dead people talk these days, and haven’t read another person’s energy since before Kundalini opened. That said, the more healing I’ve done, the wider my pipeline to the energy of God/Source has become. The energy that not only carries the feeling of pure love but is full of information/wisdom and helps me heal.

The depth of healing over the past several years has significantly affected things like assigning judgment to my feelings and experiences. With no longer unconsciously labeling everything good or bad, instantly categorizing things into polar opposites, when I receive spiritual information and wisdom, that’s one less human filter affecting it.

When people receive information from spirit, it comes through all their lenses of perception: their life experiences, their values, and judgments. As I’ve healed, what’s been dissolving are various lenses of perception, thus clarifying or purifying what comes through me. Plus, the breadth of information that’s able to come through me these days is much, much more than I’d receive years ago when I was new to healing work.

Today, being able to fly higher not only refers to the greater ease with which I connect spiritually, but more importantly refers to life flowing more easily in general. Having a greater sense that the energy of Source flows through me and that life happens for me, not to me.

And yes, it’s a process.

Ukraine, Putin, and Earth’s timeline

A beautiful perspective of the world’s situation at the moment. “All things MUST be brought forth and viewed in its historical state of separation, warring, greed, injustice, inequality, hatred, etc; and all those energies of fear must be transmuted for the earth’s entrance into the higher frequency.”

yoursoulsplan

Dear Friends,

A reader writes the following:

Rob and Kathleen…can you speak to the two possible timelines we are on? One being, Putin is trying to take over other countries. And the other being he is clearing out the tunnels to set the children free, while also destroying the bio labs. I would love to hear your comments. Though I believe that whichever we believe will be what we experience. It is confusing for us to hear different plots between channelings.Thank you!!

Kathleen channels a collective of ascended masters who respond with these words:

“We speak of this scenario as one that holds possibility as does everything in one’s belief system, and by that we mean that if something can be ‘thought,’ it can then hold possibility. We also speak of timelines and what they mean/are. For instance, in a timeline of recent, something took place that moved humanity (almost…

View original post 681 more words

When the Monster Under the Bed is Real

One of the things I’m fascinated with is star beings. Extraterrestrials. I love listening to people talk about their ET experiences, especially as it relates to consciousness. And as I listened to John Yost’s account of being absolutely terrified by an ET encounter when he was seven, I couldn’t help but think back to my childhood. Memories of a monster coming to me at night, sent by my soul to ultimately help raise my consciousness.

In John’s case, he was silenced by his father at age seven and didn’t talk about what happened for forty-five years. In my case, I was also silenced by my father. And after a psychiatrist helped cement shame in place by blaming me for what happened, I was extremely reluctant to speak out, only breaking my silence twice before seeking therapy twenty-three years later. No, I didn’t have an ET experience, but the monster under my bed was real. And it took the form of my older brother.

He not only bullied and controlled me my entire life but started coming into my bedroom in the dark of the night when the house was asleep. Waking me from a dead sleep he tested me to see what he could get away with. I have no memory of the first few years he assaulted me in bed but know from recall in hypnotherapy that the actual rape began shortly before twelve. I was only eleven years old. I don’t know how old I was when the monster’s night visits began, but I know the last one happened when the monster and I were home on break from our respective colleges.

We’d been socializing with friends and had been drinking.

I awoke to the monster pawing at me. Quite asleep I was confused and it took me a minute to figure out just what was going on. This time I kicked him out. I wish I could have kicked him in the face and broken his nose, but I was his concubine. Groomed and whipped. I was still afraid of getting in trouble. And this was three years after the molestation had been found out because I was pregnant. Three years after I bore a baby in secret and gave her up for adoption. Three years after our father put a hook and eye on my bedroom door to keep the monster out.

But because I’d been away at college and he’d been away at college I forget to latch my door. I didn’t think I had to latch it anymore. After all, he’d seen a psychiatrist and should be better right? I was wrong. Despite everything that happened, the monster still slithered out from under my bed and tried to attack me.

Something that’s taken me years to realize is just how little my parents understood what was going on. If they had the slightest realization that I’d been unwillingly raped for years under their roof, they would have sent my brother away in a heartbeat. But, between the times (the late 70’s), shock, embarrassment, and denial, they saw me as complicit. Compliant. I was not.

The tricky thing is when you’re conditioned the way I was, I was led to believe it was my fault. And like so many people who are conditioned for their entire life this way, I lived my life wanting acceptance from those who hurt me the most. Stockholm syndrome. For decades I sought the monster’s approval. I kept the secret. And when he married a girl similar to me I immediately took her as the sister I never had.

She never had a clue she was marrying a monster until after my parents died and my anger began to roar. Until it was finally safe to talk about the deep, dark secret. For those who’ve been reading my posts for a while, you know I separated from the monster two years ago, separating joint inheritance. In death, my parents entangled me with the monster. And after doing a lot of deep healing, letting go of all attachment to the one who was never able to be anything but a monster, it became not only easy to separate but an imperative. There was no way in hell I was going to remain tethered to him financially or otherwise anymore.

I thought I was done healing the relationship. As in, mission complete with regards to our souls’ agreement. We agreed that I would play victim to his role as a predator as I’ve done in other lifetimes. And when my attachment to him dissolved followed by the few years it took to actually separate from him, which included doing regular healing work that helped me reclaim more power, I thought things were finished. Well, I know that if he predeceases me I’ll probably have some more healing to do then, but that likely won’t be for many years.

But this spring brought another layer of healing. Deeper yet. A repressed memory that had never come up surfaced. More trauma. I saw the little girl in me completely shatter with what came up as the first physical violation when I was five.

Several very intense healing sessions have not only brought back the memory of what happened while releasing traumatic emotions, but the healing leapfrogged beyond this life back to every life I’ve shared with the soul of the monster. And what’s crazy is I know that as much as my brother has been a monster to me and will likely never change, as a soul, his soul and mine share great love for each other. (I saw it during a healing session).

As a soul, he had a hard time knowing what he was going to do to me in this life, but he did it to further my soul’s evolution and growth. As Rob Schwartz would put it, we chose a “learning through opposites” type of agreement. In order for me to know my own power, I was systematically deprived of it pretty much from day one. Doing therapy and then healing brought back a lot of personal empowerment. And since Kundalini energy opened, still more power has been reclaimed.

In fact, my most recent healing sessions ended lifetimes of our incarnating together – at least it feels this way – by my taking responsibility for my part in perpetuating cycles of revenge and retribution. Lifetimes when I was the monster. Beyond that, a layer of rage from my teenage years bubbled up and out. My body is still dealing with the rage.

Just when I think I’m done with this, I’m not. I’ve reached a point of knowing what’s been healed and hoping I’ve hit an endpoint. At least for now.

John Yost finally decided to break his silence and because he was a filmmaker made a movie about his ET experience. During filming he returned to his childhood home, becoming re-traumatized until he met a hypnotherapist who works with people who have been abducted or who’ve had ET experiences with lost time. I don’t want to give too much away, but being regressed through the experience while in hypnosis (some of it’s in the film), he’s able to release the trauma and recall a message he was given. We are all One.

So, in the eyes of spirit, we’re all one. We’re all part of a divine masterpiece played out here on earth and on other planets and in other dimensions. That said, my main focus for the past several years has been right here. My current life in my current body. That’s what I’m mostly about these days. Right here – right now.

The irony is, as I’ve been healing my way through my Kundalini awakening, I’ve had all sorts of metaphysical experiences with spirits taking many forms from angels to animals to mythological creatures like a phoenix and dragons, to part of my ET family. So wild!!

Seeking

What do you seek?
What is the incessant nudge that won’t leave you alone?

What’s missing?
What’s your if only… ?

What keeps grabbing your attention?
Is it your purse or your worth?
Is it what you see in the mirror?
Is it finding Mr. or Ms. Right?

What are you chasing?
Better health and longevity?
More strength and fitness?
That satisfying job?
Or a place to call home?

What’s your itch?
To feel more powerful?
To be happier?
To have more time?
Or space?

What’s the ache?
The desire to feel more connected to God?
To have answers to the unanswerable?
To see the future?

What do you assume?
I used to assume everyone saw things as I did.
I used to assume those around me shared my values and priorities.
I used to assume my plans would come to fruition.
I used to assume a lot of things.

And then God laughed.
She laughed at my thinking I could control my world.
He wrapped me in love when unmet desires and aches became too much.
It nudged me and pulled me in directions my little brain didn’t see
To have experiences I never imagined.

What do you pay attention to?
Who do you listen to?
Is the loud voice of alarm – watch out!
Is it the constant chatter of the to-do list?
Is it the voice of disdain chattering on?

Is it the quiet whisper in the back of your head?
Is it the quiet whisper in your heart?
Is it the quiet or not so quiet whisper of your soul?

What are you looking for?
What do you seek?
And how to get there?

These days I’m looking to heal inner resistance.
Looking to release pressure, pain, anger, sadness, and fear.
So more divine love can flow through.
So I can experience peace in the midst of chaos.

I learned long ago it’s not my job to know how things will happen*,
But to set my rudder in the direction I want to go and head out.
Seeking is a part of life.
It’s the curiosity and desires that hold potential for expansion.
And it never ends.

*Thank you Archangel Michael for that one!