You Are A Miracle

I want to share the story behind these words, but the words aren’t flowing well lately. One of the effects of my Kundalini awakening experience has very literally been brain rewiring, creating all sorts of challenges in my everyday life. I’ll expand on this when I can.

But for now, enjoy my photo of the Atlantic Ocean.

Resistance Is Futile, Or Is It?

Without resistance to death, we very literally couldn’t survive.

But when we resist something, pressure builds, contraction builds, things get tight and brittle, until a tipping point is reached. Things explode, or implode, snap, break, and eventually let go.

I’m learning that life is a cycle of resistance. First, we resist life, and then we resist death. At the same time, life is also a cycle of allowing: first allowing life, and then allowing death. It’s a series of contractions and expansions, a series of resisting and allowing. And it’s all good.

The reason I say it’s all good, is that’s how our Source Energy works. It allows everything to be valid and acceptable just exactly as it is. Not only is everyone valid and acceptable, but so are their actions.

The feeling of pure Source Energy is that of ultimate acceptance. Ultimate allowance. No judgment of good or bad, right or wrong. No duality. Everything is valid and has value.

From the first moment that our awareness enters into a physical body, we experience our first form of resistance: gravity. We have to adjust from existing as pure energy, to existing in a physical body. And for many people, that alone presents its own challenges.

Coming out of the womb too soon, before the body is ready, leaving the dark, warm, wet, floating environment of perfect chemical balance, nestled right below our mother’s heart, can be a shock for some bodies that either never recover or become greatly affected.

As we grow and our brains develop, we go through all sorts of changes of awareness. And especially when we’re pushing through from one level to the next, our resistance to change and our resistance to those around us grows until something inside us snaps and we move on. Think of the toddler years; when we create a new awareness of ourselves as actually separate from the world. We begin to create a new identity as we push against our entire world. Around three, we develop “me”.

The Bible speaks about how God created the world in six days and on the seventh he rested. I believe this correlates to our physical brain development, because at about age six to eight is when people complete the development of awareness of themselves as separate from the world. And that development becomes complete when we are able to grasp the concept of death. Only after that point, do we have a separate awareness of “the world”.

It’s not that God literally created the world in a certain amount of time, it’s that it takes until six or so years old until we are aware of this thing called the world. A child younger than that is physically incapable of understanding “the world” as an adult understands it.

The ultimate point in child development is when we lose awareness of ourselves as immortal when we become completely aware of death. First, we have an experience where they body first develops an awareness that it could die. It pushes against a physical sensation that could end life, and for the first time is aware of life as finite.

For me, it was a time when I was playing with my older brother and he was sitting on my chest. I couldn’t breathe and my body realized for the first time, that if it couldn’t breathe it would die. I freaked out. My body freaked out and began wiring into my brain this thing called death.

And then we have an experience where we perceive that we have died. With brain wiring in my head telling me I could die, all it took was one very traumatic event for me to die, to fully and completely cement the concept of death into my body and brain. I was six. And even though my heart didn’t stop, I died. My psyche and soul fractured (more than most).

With those two events, the concept of us as immortal beings and our loss of awareness of being connected to spirit, becomes set in our mind. We now fear death and don’t know that we are more than our physical bodies. We now firmly and solidly accept ourselves and our world as completely real. What this does is ground us into the world and into our bodies.

And then again when puberty hits, and once again we create a new identity: this time as a unique individual. It’s the time when we begin to learn who we are as individuals. At first, we often feel naked and vulnerable, much like in the Garden of Eden. We have few personal boundaries, not much of a sense of who we are, and it takes years to really get there. And we all, eventually get there.

Little by little, we push against life and against restrictions and against who we used to be, to emerge from one stage to the next. We break this off here and break that off there, figuring out who we are and learning the way of the world.

Once we reach an age of maturity, as our childbearing years wane, after our forty years in the desert, our hormones once again change, allowing our bodies to lose fear of death and allow physical death. In our forties, we often begin to notice big changes in our health. Women enter menopause. Men begin to have heart attacks. Early cancers begin to hit. People have mid-life crises, and mental breakdowns. And some of us go through spiritual awakening, and even a process of crucifixion and resurrection (which in and of itself is a hell of a process of contraction and expansion).

Many become more mellow around this time of life. They begin to accept life and everything that comes along with it, letting go of all sorts of judgment and fears. Nearing the last part of our lives can bring on even greater resistance to death, or greater acceptance of life.

Eventually our bodies succumb to physical death: when our bodies and our souls reach an agreement, which we may or may not be aware of, that our mission is complete. Resistance becomes futile. Life in our body ends, and we return to pure consciousness.

What I’m learning lately, is that as an adult, once I’m firmly committed to this thing called life, where I know and accept myself as a physical person, healing all trust in myself and my trust in the world is allowing life to flow through me much more easily. Life energy can literally flow through my heart and other places in my body so much more easily. What this translates to is, more happiness, less stress, being able to figure things out much more easily, and better health. And even more than that, feeling fulfilled and grateful to be alive.

The work of healing, is becoming aware of things in life that create resistance to life, and uncovering the beliefs that have been holding them in place. Letting these old beliefs go (many of which are unconscious), allows life energy to flow through us again.

So, know that even if you are in pain and are uncomfortable, things can change for the better. If I can do it, so can you. And the beauty is, you don’t have to do what I did, just follow your heart and your intuition: they are your best guides. This is what Jesus is talking about when he says to follow him, that he is the way. It’s is the way of Christ Consciousness: following your heart’s wisdom. Just ask your heart what you need to do to feel better, and you will get an answer. It’s our direct line to Source. To God.


Coming Out The Other Side

How do I write about something I barely understand in some ways?

How can I describe an experience I’ve been going through that most in my culture neither understands, nor accepts as real and valid? And when faced with it, often confuses it for mental illness?

If you have ever had a near death experience, you might begin to understand what my last few months have been like; but then again, probably not.

Our culture is so completely unaware of ourselves as spiritual beings that having an extreme spiritual experience can be very isolating. How do I talk about having a complete Kundalini Awakening when our society doesn’t understand what Kundalini energy is and what it does in a body and mind? The closest understanding Christians have to it is the crucifixion and resurrection process. But Christians aren’t taught that it’s a process that people still experience today – we are taught it was a single event that happened to one person in history.

Jesus wasn’t the first person in history to experience a complete spiritual awakening, and he won’t be the last. And yes, the story of his awakening is very significant to the world as a whole.

How do I talk about what people call a dark night of the soul, when the closest language we have for it is hell? When neurons in my head were dying off so fast and furious that I could barely sleep or eat for days, and the fear and paranoia that were being sparked by the dying neurons created a living hell. As much as I was completely conscious of what was happening, it was hell nonetheless.

How do I relate to the world and to myself when I’ve changed so much in a few short months that I barely know who I am anymore? Even when I intentionally created the change. I had no idea what the experience of integration would be like. None.

People on a path of spiritual perfection or of healing are always people who feel lost or fragmented in some way. They are always people who feel like they are missing something in their lives, or who are in a lot of pain. It is a helpful path for many. And the irony is, for me, I’ve only ever wanted to feel better. I have never sought out the “spiritual” path, and yet, here I sit, coming out the other side of an experience that many purposely seek and dream of having. They seek it because they believe if they do this thing or do that thing, it will make all of their dreams come true, bring them salvation, stop their pain, make them feel whole, whatever.

In my case, it has brought a huge part of myself back. And the more the experience becomes integrated into my mind and body, the better I feel. But there are days when I’m still in so many pieces that the extreme unfamiliarity of myself is beyond challenging.

I guess the extreme change I’m dealing with is in many ways similar to when someone has a major change happen in their life that they didn’t expect: being handed a cancer diagnosis, having your child or spouse die, losing your job, your home, or your relationship. When these things happen, life as you have known it is over. Done. Ended. Gone forever. You have to become used to a new normal. Sink or swim.

There is a grief process, a time of letting go of the old and allowing the new. A time of welcoming everything and anything that comes along with as open arms as possible. In spiritual terms, letting go of what no longer serves me, what no longer works for me, and embracing every moment as it is, without judging it, without worry about the future or regretting the past.

The more I can remind myself that the only moment in time that is real is right now, that the only moment I have to deal with is right now, the easier life is to handle. And in this very moment, everything is exactly as it is supposed to be. It is always perfect.

As my mind, body and soul begin to come back together, I’ll share as I can. But there are days when all I can do for now is what I refer to as TLC first aid. Tend to my body as best as I can, allowing time to pass so my brain can continue to rewire and cells in my body can turn over in response to the massive shift in the energy template that holds everything in place.

In case you weren’t aware, everything about our physical structure is held in place by the unification of our soul’s energy and our human beliefs, both conscious and unconscious. The more we can allow love to flow through our human structure, the more healthy and self-repairing it can be, and the more easily our life flows overall. This is simply allowing all of our thoughts and behaviors to be acceptable, and in fact, to not hold any judgment of them at all, but to allow them to flow through. This is loving as God loves.

I find that it’s when I resist a thought or feeling, that I create a sort of magnetism to it, bringing it back again and again. The more I can allow my thoughts and feelings, and watch them without taking ownership of them, and without trying to force them away, the more easily my thoughts turn to ones of acceptance. In fact, when I can lovingly embrace pain and thoughts, even ones of anger, jealousy, vengeance, anger, sadness and frustration, as if they are a very small child who is hurting, the quieter the voices become, and the more my entire being resonates with love.

The name of the human game is to learn to love ourselves. All of us.

When life brings us extreme emotional or physical pain, we are faced with the most incredible opportunity of all: to continue pushing against whatever created the pain in the first place, or to simply surrender and accept ourselves and all of the shit.

But in the meanwhile, as much as I’ve been going through tremendous change on a spiritual and the physical level, I’m still a wife and mother, dealing with the very real life of managing a household, raising a child, and being a loving and devoted wife. Many people who go through extreme life changes, leave marriages, move into new homes, and have to adjust to life without a loved one being in it.

In my case, the extreme changes are allowing me to interact more fully within my own existing life. Because I have been cracked open wide and can more fully allow love to flow through me, I not only feel tons more love for myself, but for everyone and everything in my life. It is an amazing and very good thing.

And as with all extreme change, the process to get to where I’m getting has been a real mix of pure unmitigated hell, and amazing grace and love.

Stay tuned for practical words of wisdom as I process and further understand life, looking through new lenses of love. In the meanwhile, I’ll be chopping wood and carrying water because life is real, y’all.

To Witness

I’m finally wrapping my brain around an amazing concept called “to witness”. It’s a verb that unlike many verbs, is an action word and is a word of no physical action at the same time. And yet it holds the most powerful action that exists. The ultimate act of witnessing a person involves completely and wholly accepting them, unconditionally. No judgment. No strings attached. And the person who is witnessed feels completely seen and known, completely understood and recognized. They feel they are known at the very deepest level of their core being, and completely accepted for who they are, exactly as they are.

In the moment of being witnessed, a person only knows themselves as perfect. Anything and everything that is not perfect, has instant permission to leave. And the one doing the witnessing only feels, knows, and projects complete love. Love as absolute acceptance.

In our very human world, it can be a challenge to witness another person, simply because we are, by default, filled with judgment. Those of us who are aware of how and when we judge ourselves and others, find it easier to reign in judgment and see another through clear eyes. People who are attuned to give Reiki reign in any and all personal judgment and act as conduits for pure love.

Six years ago, I was filled with a lifetime of pain. I was filled with anger and sorrow, shame, fear and self-judgment. I was on a path, looking for pain relief. But not the kind of pain relief you get from an aspirin or from anything that is temporary. I had already realized at that point that my drug of choice, food, wasn’t working very well for me anymore, and I needed to find a better way. A more permanent way.

One day nearer the beginning of this journey, I followed an intuitive path, and it led me to an angel. This angel came to me in the form of a human woman who was physically petite, beautiful, and as powerful as anyone I have ever known. I had arranged to have a psychic reading with her that day, and it was only the second psychic reading I had ever had in my life. Little did I know what was in store for me. I had only cast my eyes on this woman one time before, about a week or two prior, and there was something about her that captured my attention.

As we sat together, I didn’t quite know what to expect from a reading, and I honestly don’t remember if I had any questions prepared to ask her. What I do remember was the moment that I realized she could clairvoyantly see my entire life. She saw straight into my soul and knew my story. Even though she didn’t know me because we had never sat and talked before, she could see every bit of my pain.

She knew without my saying a word that I had been abused by a mentally ill mother, and had been molested by a very hurt, confused, and disconnected brother. She also knew that I still carried pain from having become pregnant, giving up my daughter for adoption, and was forced to keep  the molestation and my daughter a secret. She saw and knew all of my damage and pain, and I sat there, feeling completely accepted just as I was.

Having recently been attuned to give Reiki, the grip of self-judgment in me had already been somewhat loosed. When this amazing woman looked straight into my soul, I felt completely known and accepted in that moment. She witnessed my pain, my life, and my beauty all at once. I knew that even though I felt like I was damaged goods, and “less-than” a thousand ways to Sunday, in that moment, I was accepted just the way I was. And in response, my soul cracked me open. A part of me finally felt safe enough and was recognized in such a way that it screamed to be let out of the cage it had been kept in for my entire life.

My spirit demanded to become known to me on a conscious level. This is what we call having a spiritual awakening. An impulse within you wakes up and demands to be known. It is not something that can be controlled or contained, but rather, it’s to be celebrated and embraced. When I woke up to the knowledge that I am more than just a person in a physical body, but that I’m an eternal spirit who lives life through and with a physical body, my perspective of life shifted quite a bit.

People have a few different types of experiences that wake themselves up to knowing that they’re more than just their bodies. And one of the most intense experiences a person can have to wake themselves up, is a near-death experience. I was cracked open by being witnessed by another person. When someone goes through a near-death experience, they are broken open by being witnessed directly by God.

When a person has a near-death experience, as much as each experience is very personal and unique, there is a common thread of people coming back very changed. They have been witnessed, knowingly held in the palm of the hand of God. They have experienced being completely and utterly known and accepted. Being completely submerged and filled with the love of God allows much of their pain to leave.

When a person feels so completely accepted exactly as they are, and experiences the highest form of energy that creates us, felt as unconditional love, at the same time, it acts as the ultimate permission slip to let go of all sorts of pain, judgment, anger, and sadness that we have created during our lifetime and carry with us. It is the energy healing session of all energy healing sessions.

Even if we never have a near-death experience, and never have a spiritual awakening, anyone can act as a witness for another person. Throughout a child’s life, parents act as a witness, continually loving and accepting a child over and over again as they go through all the ages and stages of growing up. Holding love for a child, not predicated on their behavior, but simply because the child is held in your heart, is a parent’s form of being a witness. And when a child knows without doubt that they are seen, known, valued and loved, simply because they exist – especially when they are struggling – it’s the most powerful thing a parent can instill in their child.

If you know someone who is struggling mightily, one of the most powerful things you can do for them is stand solidly in the place of complete acceptance and love for them exactly as they are in a single moment. If you have trouble putting aside judgment, consider that in a single moment, everything is already perfect. It might not feel perfect or look perfect if you look into the future or the past. Or if you lace the moment with a dose of judgment. But anything can change at any time, because the only time that is real is right now. The biggest gift you can give someone is to allow them the feeling that they are completely and unconditionally accepted just the way they are.

When we are witnessed, we suddenly feel complete trust in and acceptance for ourselves. The feeling might not last long, but in that one amazing moment, a person can choose to alter the path of their life. Feeling witnessed provides the opening, the allowing, the breath, that can make all the difference to a person. It is one of the most powerful experiences one can have in life.



Love and Acceptance


How much easier is it to accept or love another person
when you remember they are part of the human race?

How much easier is it to accept or love someone
once you get to know them and like them?

How much easier is it to love and accept someone
that you feel a special spark and kindred spirit relationship toward?

How much easier is it to love and accept someone
when they are your child?

What’s holding you back from loving yourself in the very same way?

Moving Forward By Removing Blocks

The feeling of movement and flow is one of life’s quintessential qualities that we need to feel in order for life to bring us health, happiness and satisfaction. There are a few different ways to look at moving forward in life.

One of the easiest ways to figure out why you might be having trouble in an area of life, is by looking at what could be blocking your flow.

We all have the potential to have our Prince Charming, or Princess Charming, but every now and then, we seem to be looking and looking and no one seems to stick. Like Goldilocks and the bears’ beds, this one is too hard and that one is too soft. But instead of the third one being just right, you find that when you crawl into it, the blankets try to suffocate you.

One way you can go about looking at the trouble is to blame each bed, criticizing them up and down. You can keep trying them, putting your head at the foot of the bed for a change, and still find them inadequate, or you can do something different and flip your perception around.

Instead of putting the blame on the beds, look in a mirror and see what it is in you that gets all cranky with each different bed.

The bed that’s too hard, is actually your want of a softer mattress. The bed that’s too soft is actually your wanting a bit more support from the mattress. And the blankets that tried to suffocate you remind you of the time you stayed at Grandma’s when you were little and got all turned around in a bed, waking up at the foot of the bed where the blankets had been tucked so tightly you couldn’t get out. You freaked out in fear, feeling like you were being suffocated. They smelled just like your Grandma’s blankets, and your old fear got triggered.

This is how life actually works. When the flow of life in any area has slowed to a crawl, or has completely stopped, it’s an amazing opportunity to roll up your sleeves and get a little assistance with figuring out what’s really the culprit. Sometimes all it takes is a fresh pair of eyes, or someone with a bit of experience in the area of helping people who are stuck in life.

Pretty much, if you don’t seem to be making headway, time to take off the blinders and enlist some help. Fortunately, when looking for a fresh perspective to what might be slowing your roll, there are tons of options out there, from talking to a dog, to having a chat with a good friend. Seeking out a trusted advisor such as your church clergy, a therapist, a counselor, and my personal favorite: an intuitive, is always a good option.

What you want, is a new perspective that can help you start rolling forward again. The reason I like intuitive information, is it brings a perspective not seen by most people. The info can illuminate an issue in a way you never thought of, and there is no guess-work. An intuitive sees what’s causing the log jam.

If you’re not sure which way to go with any advice, my advice, based on tons of personal experience, is to listen to your gut. Listen to your heart. If you base your decisions only on your reasoning brain, the way you go might not feel right inside. Trust that feeling deep in you over everything else and you’ll never regret a decision.

After trying those three beds, finding them each inadequate in some way, with your new perspective, you learn there is a master bedroom, and you ditch all the crappy beds for the Tempurpedic upstairs. The model where you can raise your head and feet. And when you get there, you find your Prince or Princess Charming, waiting for you.

Just How Real Is Reality?

Over the past six years, I’ve been an avid student of energy healing and spirituality. More so energy healing than anything else. I also like to read about and watch informational videos about how we perceive reality. Because I’ve been changing so much with all of the healing work I’ve been doing, the way I perceive the world is changing.

In fact, my most recent healing session changed my perception so much that it was flipped around completely. I’ll write in more detail about the session soon, but what I saw as pieces of myself turning around, represented turning the way I perceive life around 180 degrees.

I must have reached some invisible tipping point after creating many small changes in many healing sessions, because how I see life flipped completely around. My brain has literally changed how I am able to perceive my life. It brought me one step closer to seeing the world through non-physical, non-human, non-three dimensional eyes.


With all energy healing, the goal is to allow fragmented pieces of your soul to be perceived by you again. Things happen in life and we lose the ability to be able to perceive our souls. We lose the ability to perceive ourselves as our souls.

When this happens, it seems like we lose a part of ourselves. That’s why I so often use language of a lost piece of me that got stuck in time. This is how I perceive it when I can no longer connect to parts of my soul. I have lost the heart connection to my soul.

With every healing experience, I become reconnected to pieces and parts of my soul. I am able to perceive them again. The words, “I once was blind, but now I see” are so fitting.

I’ve noticed that because so many of my lost bits and pieces are now back with me, because I can perceive myself much more strongly as my soul, the feelings and emanations of my soul are able to shine through my physical being that much more easily. In other words, I feel a lot more love in my heart, and the amount of it I feel in any given moment in time is so much more than I used to be able to feel.

I have learned, that reality is truly subjective. How we perceive our reality is based upon so many things. And lately, I’m seeing that people who walk around with different levels of consciousness, quite literally perceive different worlds. I see reasons for this involving beliefs we carry, especially the subconscious ones. And also, it’s related to how much of ourselves as our soul, we are able to perceive.

Through several different teachers, I have learned that what we perceive as our world is merely one possibility. And what I didn’t fully realized until recently, is that I can perceive the world one way and have someone right next to me perceive the world a very different way. At the same time.

A lot of our perceptions of the world are shared, but many are dependent on the individual. Dependent on a person’s level of consciousness; where they are with regards to their beliefs. Our beliefs are so powerful, they quite literally control how we perceive reality.

Have you ever seen a child who believes with all of their heart that something is true, when you know it’s not, and there is no convincing them otherwise? For them, it is true. It is their reality in that moment in time.

Have you ever had the experience of going to an event or seeing something happen with some friends, and talking about it afterwards, only to have very different stories of what you saw? The stories we generate about what we see and experience are highly dependent on what we believe. The feelings that we bring up in association with what we perceive are dependent on our current beliefs. Much of the time, we see the same thing other people see, but not always.

About a week ago, I was looking for some advice, some help. I was looking for another perspective about a few things in my life; a perspective that would be helpful for me. I had a psychic reading with a woman who I’ve seen online. She channels information that she receives very clearly, and it comes through Beings in spirit, including guides and people who have passed away.

In particular, she works with the spirit of a boy, Erik Medhus, who passed away about ten years ago, and who helps many people today. Because when he was in life he was bipolar, I thought that he would have a perspective about my son, who deals with brain issues, that would be helpful to me. What I never thought about, was the level of consciousness of the person who was channeling him.

When the psychic medium brought through Erik, the advice that she gave me with regards to how to handle my son, and what his future looked like, did not resonate with me at all. Although some of the facts of what was happening at the moment were correct, the way they were interpreted, especially as she looked into the future didn’t feel right to me at all. It felt like another reality. It felt like what I would have seen if I’d looked through my eyes about seven years ago, before I had discovered energy healing and healed many of my wonky beliefs.

Part of what she told me was to warn me about trouble that she saw coming down the line in my son’s life. She wanted me to be prepared for it. But, because so much of what she told me felt really off, it bugged the crap of me, and I kept wondering why. I finally figured it out. Because of the level of her consciousness, because of where she’s at with regards to her beliefs, the timeline she picked up on when looking into the future was different from what I’m living.

She quite literally perceives life differently than I do, and this was glaringly obvious when it came to predicting future events. Her perception of life has everything to do with her consciousness: what she believes and what she pays attention to and focuses on in life. Fortunately, I am aware enough to understand that she was only looking at one future possibility for my son, and it was not the track that he is on in my world. Not at all.

As I’ve been healing beliefs that were keeping me separated from my core of pure love, the amount of love I can feel in any given moment in time is becoming greater and greater. Because I feel more love, and can radiate it out, my focus is more solidly on love and concepts and ideas that resonate with love and unity. As I hold a stronger and stronger focus on love and unity, my ability to perceive more love and unity is also growing. The way I perceive the world is quite literally changing for me. I am seeing that reality is actually quite flexible.

This is very different from a Pollyanna who sees the world through rose-colored glasses. A Pollyanna feels pain and denies it’s there. What I do is heal the pain, making it disappear like magic.

My soul has a grand mission of wanting to heal the world. I’ve been grappling with this thought that keeps coming to me, over and over. Because of how I’ve grown up looking at my world and looking at reality, being able to heal the world has always seemed like an impossibility, until now. I thought that everyone around me had to do something in order for the world to change.

From a merely 3D, physical, human perspective, yes. In order for the world to change, people need to do things and create change. And the more people in the 3D world can focus on their lives through their hearts, what is created will reflect feelings of love and unity.

What hit me square in the face in a major healing session very recently, is that I can change my own reality merely by changing things within me.

I don’t have to change anyone or anything other than me. Merely healing my beliefs of separation is creating change. Through healing my beliefs of separation, my perceptions of the world are changing. What I see and feel is changing.

Dr. Hew Len knew this when he used the Ho’oponopono practice to heal a ward criminally insane patients, without ever seeing them. Instead of focusing on healing the patients, Dr. Len focused on healing himself. He focused on healing things existing inside of him that had to do with whatever it was about a patient that was showing up as mental illness. With beliefs and feelings healed, mental illness was no longer perceived. The beliefs and feelings no longer existed in either Dr. Len or the patient. He was able to change reality so powerfully that the people who had been mentally ill were no longer ill. The affect he created is now a shared perception.

We make an agreement when we are in spirit to hold the belief that we become physical beings living in a physical world. Most of us also made an agreement to lose the ability to perceive non-physical beings and things. But some people maintain the ability. We call them psychics and mediums.

I learned you can change your world simply by changing your beliefs. They are that powerful. And if you get really, really good at it, you can heal the world.




Love Is

Love is huge. It is gigantic.

Love Is

Over the past several weeks, I’ve had some incredible experiences with love. While working on healing old hurts that left me not trusting myself, love showed up. And it showed up in the form of angels. God’s messengers of love.

The first time Archangel Michael showed up, the love that he brought was so intense that it left me in tears. Love will make you cry. I don’t care who you are. When you feel as much unconditional acceptance and complete absence of resistance as I felt, there is no other choice. It melts you from the inside out.

Love is the ultimate permission slip that allows us to let go of that which is not our Divinity.

The thing about feeling love when an angel brings it, is the quality of love you’ll recognize the moment you feel it. The quality that Archangel Michael brings to love is power. Incredibly powerful love. Boundless love. Love that absolutely nothing can withstand.

Last week, during a healing session, an angel showed up that I have no special name for, but I knew it was an angel of forgiveness. It stood there, holding incredible amounts of love, to help me forgive myself. I met it nine years ago, quite unexpectedly during a hypnosis session for weight loss.

At the time, it showed up to help me let go of buckets of shame that I’d held onto for far too long. It’s appearance came quite out of the blue, and the hypnotherapist I was working with didn’t have a spiritual background, and thus was as surprised as I, to have an angel join the session.

However, the hypnotherapist I work with now is quite spiritually connected and has me connect to Source (God) in every session, to allow wisdom to come forth, and to bring in love. Because when I feel the energy of Source, it feels like love, I have no problem calling God, love.

I’ve learned that when I hold beliefs, like beliefs that I am less than perfection, and beliefs that I am less than love, feeling these beliefs feels like a contraction, or a tightening of my emotions and a tightening in my body. They feel like weight on me, like fear, like anger, and other things that are uncomfortable. Love brings expansion and relief.

What love does is stand there and allow. It doesn’t judge. It allows. It doesn’t resist or repel. It allows. It doesn’t push me or shove me, or tell me I should be this or that. It allows and accepts me exactly as I am.

Love doesn’t make me be or do anything. Love takes me as I am. Love holds me up. Love lets me be me.

When I am loved so fiercely that it brings me to my knees, what it really does is remind me of who I already am. And with that, I let go. I let go of less than. I let go of shame. I let go of judgment. I let go of fear, anger, sadness and frustration.

Everything that is not my Divine self is allowed to dissolve, transmuted back into love. All I have to do is let go.

Love is.

The Long Con of Life

Here it is. Why are we here? We are here for the long con. The biggest con of all. To reconnect to ourselves. To know that we were never broken. We were never less than. We were never all of the wonky things we thought we were.

We were never really lost or separated, it just felt that way, looked that way, and seemed that way. We were never really alive because we never really die. This human consciousness we carry lets us play out one big long con until we leave these bodies. It’s all for the experience of it all.

We come into a human body and pull down the blinders. We don’t know we are eternal and perfect beings. The separation has begun. Then we enter into human programming through the human fear-based brain. We are literally steeped in survival programming, otherwise the con wouldn’t stand a chance of getting off the ground. We make thousands upon thousands of decisions beginning before we are even born.

We steer our lives this way and that, letting our emotions be our guides. I did this thing and it caused pain. Pain hurts. I won’t do that again. I did that thing and I felt better. I’ll do that again for sure.

And then life throws us something that we must navigate using only our survival brain because we are very young and inexperienced in this thing called life. Life throws us a curve ball. In order to navigate the curve ball, we create a belief that brings relief to our brain. Even if the belief is not true. The sense of logic that was created within the brain allows chemicals of comfort and ease to flow again. The con is underway.

We have just created our first belief that separates a piece of us from our divine core self. The con is rolling. As we are “socialized” and “taught” how to behave within the parameters of our families and our society, we create more and more beliefs about ourselves, more lies, cutting off more bits and pieces. We separate ourselves further and further away from our true selves.

Worst case scenario, we experience such complete and total fracturing of our soul that we create separate personas in an attempt to cope and stay alive. Shy of that, we pick up coping techniques that become self-destructive because they only reinforce the lies of the beliefs we’ve created. Addictions perpetuate the beliefs of less than and imperfection that we create because they temporarily make us feel good. The brain gets happy for a while. And then the lie, the belief we created about ourselves takes center stage once more.

The reason the beliefs we create about ourselves, which are lies, create such havoc in our lives, is because of the dissonance they have with our souls. Your soul knows you as a perfect, beautiful, amazing being, who is literally created from unconditional love. And as such, you are unconditional love. Any time you believe otherwise, it causes reactions inside of you.

It causes reactions, pain, frustration, anger, and fear of all sorts. These are your clues. Follow them to the belief that is alive and well, and fucking you over every day.

Follow your feelings. Feelings of fear, pain and disconnection are the easy button of life. They are the bright red neon sign pointing you to what wants to be reunited with your soul. What is crying out to be reunited with your core essence.

As you discover ways to heal the lies you create along your life’s journey, you will discover a feeling of coming home to yourself. You will notice more peace in your heart. You will know that you are beautiful, and valuable, and perfect, and worthy, just exactly as you are. You will know that any beliefs otherwise were part of the long con whose purpose is to reconnect you back to yourself.

Actually, you were never really separated. It was all in your mind. And it hurt your heart.

Healing a Lifelong Challenge: Massive Soul Retrieval

There’s something about the energies of the times. Lots of things are stirred up for many people, and lots of healing is happening. Most people don’t realized that in order for change to happen, the status quo has to go away. And for this to happen, life can look and feel very uncomfortable in the process. Systems and age-old ways of doing things are breaking down and crumbling. In order to bake a cake, you have to break a few eggs.

inspirational graphic

In my own life, I go digging with a select few trusted people that I work with in the realm of energy healing. I look at something that’s not serving me well, something that’s bugging me either physically or emotionally, and I dive down underneath the conscious feelings to see why the discord and disharmony.

My last few posts have been a series of healing sessions because I’ve been on a roll lately. There’s been an overarching theme of indigestion in my life, and I’ve been seeking for answers as to why.

I worked with my hypnotherapist on why I seemed to be having trouble digesting or processing life over the past several months, because of physical digestion woes. And most recently, I wanted to see why I seemed to have an issue with digesting food over the past several months specifically, and why I’ve been becoming allergic to more and more foods over the past several years. And I also wanted to know why food has been such a big issue my entire life. Why was it the object of my addiction for most of my life, and why, when I was becoming free from its addictive grasp, was I becoming allergic to it and becoming unable to digest more and more of it? Why all the issues and problems with food?

I settled into my hypnotherapist’s comfy chair and let her take me through the relaxation phase. After a while, she had me picture a white light shining down on me from above. It was intelligent and healing, and I let it shine on me and through me. It felt great. I always think of God when I think of this light. When she asked me what I was feeling from the light, it felt like love, completely compassionate and very strong love.

Sometimes when I pass the light over my body, an area is highlighted, or a feeling of discomfort comes up. This time, I felt very relaxed and comfortable. Because we were investigating my ability to digest food, she had me direct the loving light into my mouth, followed by sending it down my throat, into my stomach and intestines, and all the way through my entire digestive tract. Finally, she asked me what I was feeling. (I thought she’d never ask).

The moment the love entered my mouth, I felt a lot of resistance. I could hear a young voice saying, “No! I can’t take it. I can’t stand love. I’m not deserving or worthy of it.” That was surprising. Who was this voice? I knew it was me, but what was going on? I focused on this voice, and I must have been about three years old. I was being spanked. I was told it was for my own good. I was told that I was being punished out of love. That made absolutely no sense to me. Why would love hurt?

Even at such a young age, I knew that love wasn’t supposed to hurt, and yet I was told that painful things were happening to me out of love. If that’s what love was, I didn’t want any part of it. That little girl wanted no part of the love I had been trying to send her. No wonder why. I explained to her that her mother was mentally ill, plus she had learned some pretty old-fashioned ways about showing love, and didn’t know that what she was doing was wrong. With some explaining, the little one slowly began to trust me and let go of her fear.

Once again, we let love flow into my mouth. Very gingerly, the little girl dipped her toe in, accepting it little by little. When she realized how good it tasted, and how wonderfully warm it felt, she let go of the last of her resistance.

With that little one happy, the love flowed from my mouth down into my throat. The minute it hit my throat, I heard a voice that said, “It burns!” In my mind, I asked, “What burns?” The voice answered back, “Truth.” Then the voice elaborated. “Every time I speak my truth, I get burned; I get hurt. My mom hurts me.” In my mind, I asked the voice to elaborate. To tell me more.

It was another young voice from my past. It told me that it was afraid because every time she spoke her truth, she was verbally abused. But then what she was saying changed just a bit. She said that in order to not get hurt so much, and in order to lessen her pain, she created a lot of beliefs about herself – beliefs of being defective and less than – that were lies. Every time she spoke and those lies living in her became activated, they ate her up from the inside out. They were burning her up from the inside out. They were burning her up.

All of a sudden, I saw massive flames burning, emotions hit me like a tidal wave, and tears flowed relentlessly. The knowledge hit me that this little one had created lies about herself that cut herself off from her own Source Energy. She effectively cut herself off from her Divine self. In this realization, the separation immediately ended. This was a massive soul retrieval! Thousands of tiny points of light, like a cloud of fireflies, swarmed back to her/me. They were all of the soul fragments that were waiting to come home to my soul. They were from this lifetime and every other lifetime I’ve ever lived. And I knew they weren’t just for me, it was a soul retrieval for the entire planet.

As we grow up, we create beliefs using our rational mind to explain any time something happens to us that doesn’t feel good or feel right. These beliefs revolve around our being and they have all sorts of tones of “less-than”. Every time one of these beliefs is created, it separates us from our core essence, which is Divine Love and perfection. The further the separation from our Divine selves, the more emotionally and physically uncomfortable our lives become. For me, it’s been through discovering these subconscious beliefs and healing them, that I am being reunited with my core essence, my true self, the Divine being that I am at a soul level.

While I was swimming in the emotions of soul reunion, I asked, “Why food? What does food have to do with all of this?” The answer was so direct and so simple, that it almost seemed too easy. “Food was just a metaphor.”

The knowledge of that simple phrase echoed in my mind. Food was just a metaphor. That’s all it was. It was never more than something my soul chose to use in my life as a way to cope with soul separation. A thing to keep me spinning and searching.

That’s it. All of my struggles and issues with food; all of the emotional addiction issues and physical issues with food have all been clues for me to follow to bring back pieces of my soul to me. It has all been a gigantic puzzle that I finally solved. I got the message in my head that I’m done with this. Food is just food and I won’t need to have any more problems with it. It holds no special power over me.

Holy fucking shit!!!!!

After that massive energy shift, my hypnotherapist had me bring the energy of love into my mouth again. I knew that I could once again taste love. I didn’t have to try to get love through food. I can taste it from Divine Source, where it’s supposed to come from. As I sent the love down my throat, I knew that I could once again swallow life just fine. No more burning throat. And when love reached my stomach, I knew that I could digest life easily. As love passed through my intestines, my colon, rectum, and out, I knew that I could process life and allow things to pass through again.

All of the issues that I’ve ever had with heartburn, acid reflux, indigestion, constipation, diarrhea, stomach aches, and gut aches were all clues left for me so I could eventually figure them out and reconnect to my soul.

As I had love flow through my entire digestive system, the love was beautifully accepted and enjoyed. But when I got to the very end of the system, there was one voice that still wanted to be heard. There is one more piece of me that isn’t ok yet, and because she now trusts me, she’s ok to wait until my next session to be heard. I know who she is, and I’m pretty sure I know why she still needs to be heard. And we’ll work it out soon.

What’s going to take a little time to sink in, is that I figured this food puzzle out. It’s like my soul set up an experience that began with my soul being fractured over and over when I was young, but I was left clues, in the way of food issues such as addiction and allergies and digestive woes. And by following the clues, following my curiosity, discovering energy healing, and putting piece after piece in place, I finally found the last piece that sprung the entire trap, solving the puzzle.

A big confirmation of this is with me today, the day after that session, because I feel a deep emptiness inside of me. All of the energy that’s been wrapped up with this whole thing is now gone from me. It’s all transmuted. I feel like an empty vessel, waiting for what’s next. I know whatever that is will come along. It’s just so weird feeling adrift, bored, aimless, and empty right now. And the last thing I feel like doing is eating something.

Even though I never dealt with alcoholism or drug addiction, I am confident that addiction in all of its forms is a soul set up to reclaim ourselves. It’s the soul’s way of expressing what happens when it becomes fractured and separated from self. I see no difference between craving food, craving a drink, craving a pill, craving a shopping or sex high, or any other type of craving. They are all messages from our souls that are screaming out to be reconnected. I did have times of using alcohol and other things as coping mechanisms, but they never had the choke hold on me that food had.

My adventure of reconnection is far from over, but it feels quite surreal that such a huge puzzle is solved and completed. It will be interesting to see how quickly my body responds to this massive energetic shift, and to see if and when it allows me to eat foods that I’ve had trouble processing for the past several years.  Time will tell.