Detached

So weird

This feeling of detachment.

I’m not in sync with the world

Not in sync with myself.

Wanting to do things

Yet having trouble moving forward

Yet again.

Can I force myself to move?

I don’t know.

Maybe it’s best to respond

To the drowsiness

And just sleep.

The sleep of a thousand sleeps.

A Few Life Lessons

Over the past several months, Kundalini energy – an energy of creation – has been working its way through me and my entire energetic system. It’s been working its magic on my mental body, burning off everything that no longer serves me. It’s sort of like the healing work I’ve been doing over the past several years, but on steroids. All sorts of old beliefs, low frequency energies, are leaving me. In droves. Kundalini energy is a sort of fire burning through me at times, recreating me from the inside out.

One thing that hit me the other day is a few of the life lessons that have been plunked right down into my head as truths. These are phrases I received in a flash of “knowing” that have been backed up by experience. What’s really bizarre and cool at the same time, is these phrases are what people commonly refer to as platitudes said during times when we have no answers for life.

I now know where these phrases and expressions come from. Once upon a time, they were intuited by someone like me, backed up by an experience. (Experience cements something into us as something we know, rather than something we believe.)

Anyway, onto the good stuff.

My newest truth is, “You will never be given more than you can handle.”

This is the absolute truth to me now. It’s no longer a platitude. I had a moment a few weeks ago when life almost became more than I could handle. Know what happened? Spirit intervened. As simple as that, and yet not. I was taken right to the brink of life. And when I reached that precipice, spirit dove in and caught me.

In that moment I also learned that, “No one dies without permission.” We don’t leave the physical world without permission from both our soul and God. If we are not finished here in the physical world, we stay. And as long as we are here, there is meaning and purpose, simply because life, as a whole, has meaning and purpose.

Moving our consciousness from a state of pure energy into perceiving ourselves as physical beings is not random. It is an act we do very much on purpose. We create plans as an outline for our experience, make agreements with other spirits to join them and interact with them while we are physical, and when it’s agreed upon by our soul and by God, that’s when we leave – and not before.

Something I’m now understanding more and more, is the quality and depth of healing that happens with Kundalini energy is exponentially more than the healing I was achieving without it. I am healing things not only from this lifetime, but other lifetimes too. And, the energy from my own healing ripples out beyond me, to the world.

Often times, people go through an entire lifetime without having a close up view of mortality until right before they go. I’ve received that gift years before my time. The gift of having a dance with mortality, for me, is the knowledge that we don’t leave until we are finished, and I am very, very far from finished.

And as much as I know this is true for me, I really believe it’s true for everyone. Over and over, I’ve read stories about people who’ve had brushes with death, only to be saved at the last-minute. There are books out there about people who have been saved by angels (both the real ones and human ones). And every case of near death experience is also evidence supporting my new truth.

The take away is this: if you are here, it’s not by accident. Life itself is purposeful. If you are alive, it’s because at least part of you wants to be here. You are not done yet.

Does this mean that life feels wonderful and fabulous all the time? Abso-freaking-lutely not!! And anyone who tries to blow that up your nose needs to take a look at their own life. But I do know that the way things feel in life change. We have all sorts of feelings and emotions pass through us every day, and some of them feel great, while others, not so much.

I think in one way I’m over the most difficult part of this Kundalini awakening experience. Although, I also see that in other ways, I’m still in the thick of things. As with all experiences, the longer I’m in it, the more I’m learning. And also, as with anything brand new, there is a learning curve. And this one is proving to be steep.

Now that I understand a bit more of my own process, the biggest challenge is that I’m not only healing things from my life and other lifetimes, but when I interact with other people, my heart is so open now and my system is so sensitive, that I’m taking in what doesn’t serve them (at least whatever I resonate with), and healing that too. And I don’t seem to be able to stop this from happening right now. The “healing” process seems to be on automatic pilot. I couldn’t stop it if I wanted.

Figuring out how to manage all of this has been a full-time job, and sometimes only by the grace of God, I’m making it through.

As platitudes become truths, this experience rolls on.

Ascension

Pushing, pushing, pushing

Trying hard, too hard.

What we resist, persists.

So delicate, like a fragile flower.

Without warning, triggered.

Instantly, the trigger is answered

And released with a rush of tears.

A new energetic template is created.

Energy (spirit) and physical now begin the dance

Of getting back together.

The new ascended version.

Of me.

Time for radical self care.

Brain Droppings

I might be cross posting between my two blogs for a while, simply because I don’t have the brain power or energy to maintain two separate blogs at the moment. And I also don’t have the want or desire right now to create something different and entirely new. So here ya go!!

Life Is A Journey... Not A Guided Tour

My brain dropped out.

Right out from the bottom. Or was it the top.

It’s gone. Disconnected. But only for a while.

Can’t think. Words swirl around but I can’t grab them.

Second thing to hit my brain this morning was fear.

Buckets of old fear. Revisiting. Damned that shit. I thought it was gone.

Guess not.

I confess my fears, accompanied by tears. Let them all flow and go.

What a fucked up process this is, rewiring my brain.

It’s terrifying to wake up and not feel like me.

To not be able to connect to my own heart.

Sometimes I’m all logical brain with sprinklings of fear and shit thoughts.

And slowly, slowly, my heart and head begin to connect up again

And speak together in new harmonious ways.

Can I eat yet?

My solar plexus area is shifting and changing.

The chakra (energy center) there isn’t fully functional…

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Why Me?

How many times have we had something happen to us, and all we can do is stand there wondering, “Why me?” Why did this awful thing happen to me? And why can’t I move on? Why?

I’ve been inspired to write, by a person who’s been struggling to move through some difficult feelings. They asked why something happened to them.

“Why did this happen to me, a good person? What did I ever do to deserve this? And why does it still hurt?” Those are age-old million dollar questions.

The quickest way I’ve found to move through why bad things happen to us, is to reframe how we see and interpret the entire scenario. To change our perspective or our take on things. Easy to say and not easy to do. I know it’s not easy, because it’s taken a lot of therapy and healing work for me to move past my own childhood experiences. And as far as I’ve come – which is very – I’m still a work in progress.

I know it’s a bit of an adjustment to shift how you see something that happened to you, but in time, and with some help and practice, it can be done. Sometimes it really helps to have a professional work with us to create a shift in perspective.

Instead of thinking about a life event as something that happened TO you, if we think of things in our lives as happening FOR us, right there, it creates a change in how we feel about the event. I have learned that we have painful experiences in life to allow us to grow. As we grow up, we interpret life as happening to us when we are children. That’s just how it rolls out because of our brain wiring, and because children aren’t given many choices in life.

And when we become adults, our brains develop the capacity to see things from more than one perspective. This is the tool we can use to help us deal with life’s hurts.

When I first got into therapy as an adult, I had been so messed up by the psychiatrist my parents had me see when I was 15, that I didn’t even realize how absolutely dysfunctional my family dynamics were when I grew up. My first new perspective was realizing how much a victim of all sorts of shit I really was. My therapist helped me reframe my story.

This helped me understand why I was in so much emotional pain all the time. Understanding that I was a victim was my first step to reclaiming myself. I was able to know that bad things that happened to me were not my fault. This helped me start to let go of decades of shame, and it was a great first step.

Once I had a clear understanding that I had every right to feel the pain I felt, and that it was absolutely valid and justified, it was the first step in feeling like I had some power in life. But after time, holding onto all of that pain got very old and very heavy. Being justified in my pain didn’t help it leave. In time, it began to fester and ooze.

Time to shift perspective again. And this time, it was all about letting go of the hurt.

In order to let go of hurt, we must take ownership and responsibility for our feelings. We must understand that it takes two to tango in every relationship, and we must own our part in our pain.

From there, I moved on to a therapist who helped me understand that my emotions are generated from inside of me. They begin and end with me. Emotions are like waves of energy that spark our biochemistry. They create sensations in our brain and affect things like our heart rate, perspiration, respiration, and more.

We generate feelings in response to other people’s feelings all the time. Our feelings and emotions ping pong back and forth. They say something that we interpret as some form of attack. We go on the defensive and attack back. Wham! Bam! We have all sorts of emotional triggers in us. And becoming aware of our triggers is step one to controlling our emotions.

I actually used hypnosis to find out about and to release my triggers. But just becoming aware of my own emotions helped a lot. Knowing that certain situations or certain words and phrases could set me off, gave me an opportunity to walk away from the situation and to recognized that I was upset and needed time to myself to settle down. And knowing that what is really happening when I’m triggered, is old fear or pain shooting up, helped me to be aware to not spew my fear and pain all over my loved ones.

But how to let go of pain when to my mind, someone else caused it? At this point, I knew that my own brain and body generated the pain I felt, and I had to find a way to let it go. The only way I know how to completely resolve pain is forgiveness. Because we have the capacity for empathy, we can appreciate another person’s pain. Pain and fear are pain and fear. There are variations in the volume and flavor, but every human feels these emotions.

I had to find a way to forgive the people who hurt me, and I had to forgive myself for creating my pain in the first place.

One of the first things I saw during hypnosis sessions, was that my brain created fear when I was little. The heart only knows love. Our heart is the doorway into our authentic and true selves, and when we have an experience that feels contrary to the unconditional love that we are, our brain comes up with stories to justify the uncomfortable, painful feeling. These stories (beliefs) stick with us, and in fact, grow more and more solidly stuck to us every time we have an experience that validates the same painful feeling.

The reason our brain has to justify these painful feelings when we are little is, if it didn’t we very literally wouldn’t be able to survive. Life would be too painful. Let’s face it, life here in the world feels far from the unconditional love that we come from and are made of at our center core.

The brain has to find some way to keep us here, and believing that we actually deserved the pain and discomfort we feel during childhood is a critical step in life. Another wonderful thing our brain does for us is to relegate these painful feelings into our unconscious mind most of the time. They hopefully only rise up from time to time.

These feelings are what become triggered in life. Once I understood that my own brain created fear and sadness, it made it a bit easier to take responsibility for when I became upset, and also to forgive myself when I directed my hurt feelings at someone like my son or husband. I also apologized for my actions. These days I’m much quicker to apologize.

Finally, I learned that people lash out in pain and act like asses when they are hurting. The family members who hurt me when I was young, carried mountains of pain. In one case, the person was so unconscious about their pain that they were and are quite disconnected from their true selves. In some respects, they are like a walking zombie. And in the case of my mother, she was mentally ill, wasn’t medicated until I was about 16 (the damage was long since done), and carried down generations of her own pain.

I grew up in a home where when someone loved you, it hurt. Love equaled pain. Parts of me didn’t even know love until I was almost fifty.

But with a lot of work on myself, I began to be able to allow love to flow through me again. I didn’t automatically reject it. And once my heart felt safe to open up, I was able to understand the pain my family members had suffered, and I found it in my heart to forgive them. The only way I could forgive them, was to let go of my own pain FIRST, so I could open up my heart to them.

Just saying the words, “I forgive you” can create miracles if the other person is able to open their heart to you and accept it. But the act of their opening their heart means they are letting their own pain go. Many people refuse to forgive themselves and allow themselves to let their own pain go. (It can be a martyr thing).

The best thing I ever did to help my heart open was to forgive myself for being human. To fully accept that in every moment in my life, in every action and every decision I’ve ever made, I’ve always done the best I could in that specific moment. Considering my age, emotional development, mental status, driving emotions at the time, and more, I believe every decision I’ve made was done to further my survival. And without that, we don’t have life.

In every moment of life, when we have an experience, it is we who chooses how to interpret the experience. It is we who get to decide whether to assume a perspective of power or victim, of positive or negative. Is it always easy? Absolutely not. But is the work and the process to empowerment and feeling better worth it? Without a doubt!

Fragmented

Lately, it feels like I’m being stripped to the bone, going through this Kundalini awakening, or ascension process, or whatever the fuck you want to call it.

I am letting go of such deep and ancient painful crap in my body and energy field that I’m very literally healing this lifetime plus others.

I become triggered. A storm of emotion rises up. A phrase hits my brain.

“I’m broken.”

“We always hurt the ones we love.”

“I don’t know how much more of this shit I can take.”

And more.

These are the phrases that ran through my mind as my brain separated me from my heart when I was a child.

The phrases come up and my heart connects with myself in another time. She’s been stuck there and I help free her so her energy can come back to me in the here and now.

I’ve been having a rollercoaster of a time lately, with old, strongly held beliefs rising up and leaving: hard, fast, and deep. Letting go with tears and sobs.

The integration period afterwards is nightmarish. I don’t recommend it.

For the first time in my life, I think I can relate a little bit to someone who has experienced a brain injury; waking up not feeling like myself, not knowing who I am, losing vocabulary words, having very little mental or physical energy. Except that I know this is a temporary process.

And after time passes, I will feel like me again. I will wake up and recognize the feeling of me in my head. Along with feeling like me, I see the world through different eyes; through less reactive, less judgmental eyes. So, I am permanently changed, but instead of having fewer physical or mental capabilities, I end up having more.

I’ve wanted to post for a long time, but maintaining a stream of thought is too hard right now. So this will be short and sweet.

Today I woke up feeling pretty well. Spent some time on the computer checking e-mail and such, and remembered I had to pay bills. By the time I was done paying bills I had triggered myself and more old pain rose up and left as I cried. By that point I finally got hungry and had to eat something (during this process there are times I can’t eat and times when I get hungry and must eat without too much delay). Soon thereafter, fatigue hit and I had to close my eyes for about forty-five minutes so I’d have energy to meet with a friend. At this point it was not even 10 am yet.

Not even ten in the morning and I was already trashed. Spent. After a quick, not very restorative sleep I met with a dear girlfriend, and we spent four hours having lunch and catching up. After that, I made a quick stop into a nearby shop and by the time I was climbing into my car to drive home, the exhaustion began to hit again.

I stayed up for less than an hour before I gave in and climbed into bed. Sleep was a storm of shit going through my mind that I was so aware of, it felt like I wasn’t even sleeping. A few hours later, I woke up, too hot, too thirsty, and unrested.

My body temperature swings between being too chilly and then too warm; sometimes within a day and sometimes over the course of several days. Massive releases of energy cause me to become cold. And when my body finally allows new energy to flow into me, I can get a bit warm until my body adjusts to my new energy field. Or I climb into bed, chilled and tired, wearing too many clothes, only to wake up too hot. It’s hard to explain.

That’s the hardest part of all of this – it’s hard to explain. I’m a person who makes sense of her world with words. And I’m really struggling to find words lately. And I’m struggling to string them together. Flow begins and dead ends.

 

You Are A Miracle

I want to share the story behind these words, but the words aren’t flowing well lately. One of the effects of my Kundalini awakening experience has very literally been brain rewiring, creating all sorts of challenges in my everyday life. I’ll expand on this when I can.

But for now, enjoy my photo of the Atlantic Ocean.

Resistance Is Futile, Or Is It?

Without resistance to death, we very literally couldn’t survive.

But when we resist something, pressure builds, contraction builds, things get tight and brittle, until a tipping point is reached. Things explode, or implode, snap, break, and eventually let go.

I’m learning that life is a cycle of resistance. First, we resist life, and then we resist death. At the same time, life is also a cycle of allowing: first allowing life, and then allowing death. It’s a series of contractions and expansions, a series of resisting and allowing. And it’s all good.

The reason I say it’s all good, is that’s how our Source Energy works. It allows everything to be valid and acceptable just exactly as it is. Not only is everyone valid and acceptable, but so are their actions.

The feeling of pure Source Energy is that of ultimate acceptance. Ultimate allowance. No judgment of good or bad, right or wrong. No duality. Everything is valid and has value.

From the first moment that our awareness enters into a physical body, we experience our first form of resistance: gravity. We have to adjust from existing as pure energy, to existing in a physical body. And for many people, that alone presents its own challenges.

Coming out of the womb too soon, before the body is ready, leaving the dark, warm, wet, floating environment of perfect chemical balance, nestled right below our mother’s heart, can be a shock for some bodies that either never recover or become greatly affected.

As we grow and our brains develop, we go through all sorts of changes of awareness. And especially when we’re pushing through from one level to the next, our resistance to change and our resistance to those around us grows until something inside us snaps and we move on. Think of the toddler years; when we create a new awareness of ourselves as actually separate from the world. We begin to create a new identity as we push against our entire world. Around three, we develop “me”.

The Bible speaks about how God created the world in six days and on the seventh he rested. I believe this correlates to our physical brain development, because at about age six to eight is when people complete the development of awareness of themselves as separate from the world. And that development becomes complete when we are able to grasp the concept of death. Only after that point, do we have a separate awareness of “the world”.

It’s not that God literally created the world in a certain amount of time, it’s that it takes until six or so years old until we are aware of this thing called the world. A child younger than that is physically incapable of understanding “the world” as an adult understands it.

The ultimate point in child development is when we lose awareness of ourselves as immortal when we become completely aware of death. First, we have an experience where they body first develops an awareness that it could die. It pushes against a physical sensation that could end life, and for the first time is aware of life as finite.

For me, it was a time when I was playing with my older brother and he was sitting on my chest. I couldn’t breathe and my body realized for the first time, that if it couldn’t breathe it would die. I freaked out. My body freaked out and began wiring into my brain this thing called death.

And then we have an experience where we perceive that we have died. With brain wiring in my head telling me I could die, all it took was one very traumatic event for me to die, to fully and completely cement the concept of death into my body and brain. I was six. And even though my heart didn’t stop, I died. My psyche and soul fractured (more than most).

With those two events, the concept of us as immortal beings and our loss of awareness of being connected to spirit, becomes set in our mind. We now fear death and don’t know that we are more than our physical bodies. We now firmly and solidly accept ourselves and our world as completely real. What this does is ground us into the world and into our bodies.

And then again when puberty hits, and once again we create a new identity: this time as a unique individual. It’s the time when we begin to learn who we are as individuals. At first, we often feel naked and vulnerable, much like in the Garden of Eden. We have few personal boundaries, not much of a sense of who we are, and it takes years to really get there. And we all, eventually get there.

Little by little, we push against life and against restrictions and against who we used to be, to emerge from one stage to the next. We break this off here and break that off there, figuring out who we are and learning the way of the world.

Once we reach an age of maturity, as our childbearing years wane, after our forty years in the desert, our hormones once again change, allowing our bodies to lose fear of death and allow physical death. In our forties, we often begin to notice big changes in our health. Women enter menopause. Men begin to have heart attacks. Early cancers begin to hit. People have mid-life crises, and mental breakdowns. And some of us go through spiritual awakening, and even a process of crucifixion and resurrection (which in and of itself is a hell of a process of contraction and expansion).

Many become more mellow around this time of life. They begin to accept life and everything that comes along with it, letting go of all sorts of judgment and fears. Nearing the last part of our lives can bring on even greater resistance to death, or greater acceptance of life.

Eventually our bodies succumb to physical death: when our bodies and our souls reach an agreement, which we may or may not be aware of, that our mission is complete. Resistance becomes futile. Life in our body ends, and we return to pure consciousness.

What I’m learning lately, is that as an adult, once I’m firmly committed to this thing called life, where I know and accept myself as a physical person, healing all trust in myself and my trust in the world is allowing life to flow through me much more easily. Life energy can literally flow through my heart and other places in my body so much more easily. What this translates to is, more happiness, less stress, being able to figure things out much more easily, and better health. And even more than that, feeling fulfilled and grateful to be alive.

The work of healing, is becoming aware of things in life that create resistance to life, and uncovering the beliefs that have been holding them in place. Letting these old beliefs go (many of which are unconscious), allows life energy to flow through us again.

So, know that even if you are in pain and are uncomfortable, things can change for the better. If I can do it, so can you. And the beauty is, you don’t have to do what I did, just follow your heart and your intuition: they are your best guides. This is what Jesus is talking about when he says to follow him, that he is the way. It’s is the way of Christ Consciousness: following your heart’s wisdom. Just ask your heart what you need to do to feel better, and you will get an answer. It’s our direct line to Source. To God.

 

Coming Out The Other Side

How do I write about something I barely understand in some ways?

How can I describe an experience I’ve been going through that most in my culture neither understands, nor accepts as real and valid? And when faced with it, often confuses it for mental illness?

If you have ever had a near death experience, you might begin to understand what my last few months have been like; but then again, probably not.

Our culture is so completely unaware of ourselves as spiritual beings that having an extreme spiritual experience can be very isolating. How do I talk about having a complete Kundalini Awakening when our society doesn’t understand what Kundalini energy is and what it does in a body and mind? The closest understanding Christians have to it is the crucifixion and resurrection process. But Christians aren’t taught that it’s a process that people still experience today – we are taught it was a single event that happened to one person in history.

Jesus wasn’t the first person in history to experience a complete spiritual awakening, and he won’t be the last. And yes, the story of his awakening is very significant to the world as a whole.

How do I talk about what people call a dark night of the soul, when the closest language we have for it is hell? When neurons in my head were dying off so fast and furious that I could barely sleep or eat for days, and the fear and paranoia that were being sparked by the dying neurons created a living hell. As much as I was completely conscious of what was happening, it was hell nonetheless.

How do I relate to the world and to myself when I’ve changed so much in a few short months that I barely know who I am anymore? Even when I intentionally created the change. I had no idea what the experience of integration would be like. None.

People on a path of spiritual perfection or of healing are always people who feel lost or fragmented in some way. They are always people who feel like they are missing something in their lives, or who are in a lot of pain. It is a helpful path for many. And the irony is, for me, I’ve only ever wanted to feel better. I have never sought out the “spiritual” path, and yet, here I sit, coming out the other side of an experience that many purposely seek and dream of having. They seek it because they believe if they do this thing or do that thing, it will make all of their dreams come true, bring them salvation, stop their pain, make them feel whole, whatever.

In my case, it has brought a huge part of myself back. And the more the experience becomes integrated into my mind and body, the better I feel. But there are days when I’m still in so many pieces that the extreme unfamiliarity of myself is beyond challenging.

I guess the extreme change I’m dealing with is in many ways similar to when someone has a major change happen in their life that they didn’t expect: being handed a cancer diagnosis, having your child or spouse die, losing your job, your home, or your relationship. When these things happen, life as you have known it is over. Done. Ended. Gone forever. You have to become used to a new normal. Sink or swim.

There is a grief process, a time of letting go of the old and allowing the new. A time of welcoming everything and anything that comes along with as open arms as possible. In spiritual terms, letting go of what no longer serves me, what no longer works for me, and embracing every moment as it is, without judging it, without worry about the future or regretting the past.

The more I can remind myself that the only moment in time that is real is right now, that the only moment I have to deal with is right now, the easier life is to handle. And in this very moment, everything is exactly as it is supposed to be. It is always perfect.

As my mind, body and soul begin to come back together, I’ll share as I can. But there are days when all I can do for now is what I refer to as TLC first aid. Tend to my body as best as I can, allowing time to pass so my brain can continue to rewire and cells in my body can turn over in response to the massive shift in the energy template that holds everything in place.

In case you weren’t aware, everything about our physical structure is held in place by the unification of our soul’s energy and our human beliefs, both conscious and unconscious. The more we can allow love to flow through our human structure, the more healthy and self-repairing it can be, and the more easily our life flows overall. This is simply allowing all of our thoughts and behaviors to be acceptable, and in fact, to not hold any judgment of them at all, but to allow them to flow through. This is loving as God loves.

I find that it’s when I resist a thought or feeling, that I create a sort of magnetism to it, bringing it back again and again. The more I can allow my thoughts and feelings, and watch them without taking ownership of them, and without trying to force them away, the more easily my thoughts turn to ones of acceptance. In fact, when I can lovingly embrace pain and thoughts, even ones of anger, jealousy, vengeance, anger, sadness and frustration, as if they are a very small child who is hurting, the quieter the voices become, and the more my entire being resonates with love.

The name of the human game is to learn to love ourselves. All of us.

When life brings us extreme emotional or physical pain, we are faced with the most incredible opportunity of all: to continue pushing against whatever created the pain in the first place, or to simply surrender and accept ourselves and all of the shit.

But in the meanwhile, as much as I’ve been going through tremendous change on a spiritual and the physical level, I’m still a wife and mother, dealing with the very real life of managing a household, raising a child, and being a loving and devoted wife. Many people who go through extreme life changes, leave marriages, move into new homes, and have to adjust to life without a loved one being in it.

In my case, the extreme changes are allowing me to interact more fully within my own existing life. Because I have been cracked open wide and can more fully allow love to flow through me, I not only feel tons more love for myself, but for everyone and everything in my life. It is an amazing and very good thing.

And as with all extreme change, the process to get to where I’m getting has been a real mix of pure unmitigated hell, and amazing grace and love.

Stay tuned for practical words of wisdom as I process and further understand life, looking through new lenses of love. In the meanwhile, I’ll be chopping wood and carrying water because life is real, y’all.

To Witness

I’m finally wrapping my brain around an amazing concept called “to witness”. It’s a verb that unlike many verbs, is an action word and is a word of no physical action at the same time. And yet it holds the most powerful action that exists. The ultimate act of witnessing a person involves completely and wholly accepting them, unconditionally. No judgment. No strings attached. And the person who is witnessed feels completely seen and known, completely understood and recognized. They feel they are known at the very deepest level of their core being, and completely accepted for who they are, exactly as they are.

In the moment of being witnessed, a person only knows themselves as perfect. Anything and everything that is not perfect, has instant permission to leave. And the one doing the witnessing only feels, knows, and projects complete love. Love as absolute acceptance.

In our very human world, it can be a challenge to witness another person, simply because we are, by default, filled with judgment. Those of us who are aware of how and when we judge ourselves and others, find it easier to reign in judgment and see another through clear eyes. People who are attuned to give Reiki reign in any and all personal judgment and act as conduits for pure love.

Six years ago, I was filled with a lifetime of pain. I was filled with anger and sorrow, shame, fear and self-judgment. I was on a path, looking for pain relief. But not the kind of pain relief you get from an aspirin or from anything that is temporary. I had already realized at that point that my drug of choice, food, wasn’t working very well for me anymore, and I needed to find a better way. A more permanent way.

One day nearer the beginning of this journey, I followed an intuitive path, and it led me to an angel. This angel came to me in the form of a human woman who was physically petite, beautiful, and as powerful as anyone I have ever known. I had arranged to have a psychic reading with her that day, and it was only the second psychic reading I had ever had in my life. Little did I know what was in store for me. I had only cast my eyes on this woman one time before, about a week or two prior, and there was something about her that captured my attention.

As we sat together, I didn’t quite know what to expect from a reading, and I honestly don’t remember if I had any questions prepared to ask her. What I do remember was the moment that I realized she could clairvoyantly see my entire life. She saw straight into my soul and knew my story. Even though she didn’t know me because we had never sat and talked before, she could see every bit of my pain.

She knew without my saying a word that I had been abused by a mentally ill mother, and had been molested by a very hurt, confused, and disconnected brother. She also knew that I still carried pain from having become pregnant, giving up my daughter for adoption, and was forced to keep  the molestation and my daughter a secret. She saw and knew all of my damage and pain, and I sat there, feeling completely accepted just as I was.

Having recently been attuned to give Reiki, the grip of self-judgment in me had already been somewhat loosed. When this amazing woman looked straight into my soul, I felt completely known and accepted in that moment. She witnessed my pain, my life, and my beauty all at once. I knew that even though I felt like I was damaged goods, and “less-than” a thousand ways to Sunday, in that moment, I was accepted just the way I was. And in response, my soul cracked me open. A part of me finally felt safe enough and was recognized in such a way that it screamed to be let out of the cage it had been kept in for my entire life.

My spirit demanded to become known to me on a conscious level. This is what we call having a spiritual awakening. An impulse within you wakes up and demands to be known. It is not something that can be controlled or contained, but rather, it’s to be celebrated and embraced. When I woke up to the knowledge that I am more than just a person in a physical body, but that I’m an eternal spirit who lives life through and with a physical body, my perspective of life shifted quite a bit.

People have a few different types of experiences that wake themselves up to knowing that they’re more than just their bodies. And one of the most intense experiences a person can have to wake themselves up, is a near-death experience. I was cracked open by being witnessed by another person. When someone goes through a near-death experience, they are broken open by being witnessed directly by God.

When a person has a near-death experience, as much as each experience is very personal and unique, there is a common thread of people coming back very changed. They have been witnessed, knowingly held in the palm of the hand of God. They have experienced being completely and utterly known and accepted. Being completely submerged and filled with the love of God allows much of their pain to leave.

When a person feels so completely accepted exactly as they are, and experiences the highest form of energy that creates us, felt as unconditional love, at the same time, it acts as the ultimate permission slip to let go of all sorts of pain, judgment, anger, and sadness that we have created during our lifetime and carry with us. It is the energy healing session of all energy healing sessions.

Even if we never have a near-death experience, and never have a spiritual awakening, anyone can act as a witness for another person. Throughout a child’s life, parents act as a witness, continually loving and accepting a child over and over again as they go through all the ages and stages of growing up. Holding love for a child, not predicated on their behavior, but simply because the child is held in your heart, is a parent’s form of being a witness. And when a child knows without doubt that they are seen, known, valued and loved, simply because they exist – especially when they are struggling – it’s the most powerful thing a parent can instill in their child.

If you know someone who is struggling mightily, one of the most powerful things you can do for them is stand solidly in the place of complete acceptance and love for them exactly as they are in a single moment. If you have trouble putting aside judgment, consider that in a single moment, everything is already perfect. It might not feel perfect or look perfect if you look into the future or the past. Or if you lace the moment with a dose of judgment. But anything can change at any time, because the only time that is real is right now. The biggest gift you can give someone is to allow them the feeling that they are completely and unconditionally accepted just the way they are.

When we are witnessed, we suddenly feel complete trust in and acceptance for ourselves. The feeling might not last long, but in that one amazing moment, a person can choose to alter the path of their life. Feeling witnessed provides the opening, the allowing, the breath, that can make all the difference to a person. It is one of the most powerful experiences one can have in life.