God

The All That Is.

Source.

Universal Life Force.

The Field.

Love.

God.

These are a few of the names I call the ineffable. As a student of energy healing, I think of God as Universal Life Force Energy. The energy that enables the body to heal. The energy that flows through me and when focused, makes my hands hot.

I think of it as the Source of All That Is. Because I perceive through my human body and mind, I think of Source as the massive Field of Energy that created me and breathes me and everyone else. Perhaps the emanation of the Field, while simultaneously being it. After all, we’re each sparks of the divine.

More than a few times I’ve received the knowledge that everything I perceive is created by Source. The world. Everything. The energy of Source very literally creates and IS everything. Once I die and withdraw from the body I’ll see things differently, but for now, I’m going by my experiences and what I download from spirit. And I’m good with that.

I no longer think of God as the father figure I was taught as a child. It’s not an individual, and while it’s genderless, it incorporates feminine and masculine forms of energy. How do I know? It both told me and showed me.

That said, I remember an experience of a healing shift I had during the first few months of my Kundalini awakening when I both felt and heard a booming, low voice that sounded like a man, come blasting through my third eye. Was it God? I think so. It sure was amazing.

Shortly before Kundalini energy opened, I had a profound healing of my trust in myself as God. Not as THE Creator or THE God, but that I played a significant role in the creation of my life before incarnating, and also while I’m living it. We all do, but we don’t all know this deep in our bones. Most people think things happen to them, not through them (which is totally normal). I had the realization that everyone is a facet of me. Maybe not physically, but energetically.

I suddenly saw myself in everyone and everyone in me. Oneness shifted from being something I read about and thought I understood, to becoming embodied and my truth. Still is. That is also one of the features of God.

Finally, I also refer to God as love because that’s what it feels like. Pure, unconditional love that’s even more powerful than I can comprehend. When I was so intimately and deeply connected, I not only saw, felt, and knew what I could, but also knew God was so much more than I can comprehend and truly understand while embodied (which is part of the gig of life). I felt love so completely accepting of me that I was brought to tears while being shown what looked somewhat like an IMAX movie projecting images from all over the globe of people, places, and animals. While looking at all these images I received the knowledge we’re all One. All part of a greater whole. Oneness.

That’s how I see God/Source these days.

Integration and Rewiring

One of the not so fun effects of my Kundalini awakening is waking up tired and foggy and spending two hours on a blog post only to have it end up a winding mess of incoherent drivel that will likely languish and die in my drafts folder. Being able to follow one thread of thought without forgetting half my vocabulary and jumping around like a cat on a hot tin roof ain’t happening today. Time to let my scattered brain rest.

Shifting Sands

I spend days with my feet on shifting sands.

I don’t fit in my skin, my body.

Life is uncomfortable and seeing others in pain triggers my own.

My entire essence isn’t me right now.

Where have I gone?

I’ve gone for a swim in the ocean and haven’t come back yet.

Not a pleasant, refreshing swim, but one plagued by sharks and towering waves that keep crashing over and over me.

Yet while this goes on I still hear, feel, and know the voice inside telling me to hang on. It’s nearly over.

The excruciating discomfort that brings me to tears again and again

The discomfort that wants so badly to go home, to be set free

The discomfort that’s so much part of being human

The discomfort my soul longed to taste again. WTF was I thinking?

My totally badass soul wanted another crack at transmuting the pain.

Not just a little bit, but ALL of it.

The Olympics of transmuting pain. Of the alchemy of the self.

I hear that I’ve done this before. Many times in many lives. But never in this body or in this time in history.

And boy, does my soul love a challenge!

It loves to take a crack at the hundred-foot wave. Longing to surf the face.

Get up on the top of the wave but not too far forward or you’ll get pounded. BTDT.

Dizziness and feeling swirly let me know things are shifting.

It feels like when I’ve been on the water long enough to have my sea legs and then get back on land. My equilibrium is off temporarily.

The balance thing might be a little bit annoying but it’s nothing compared to not feeling like myself.

Like a butterfly without its wings, a bird without feathers, an opera singer without her voice.

During times of shifting sands, I hang on for dear life. As much as I’d sometimes rather not.

It’s already been made very clear that checking out is no longer an option this time around.

And that I’m built for this.

My hull was designed to weather all sorts of storms.

And one day I’ll drop anchor. But not yet.

Ukraine, Putin, and Earth’s timeline

A beautiful perspective of the world’s situation at the moment. “All things MUST be brought forth and viewed in its historical state of separation, warring, greed, injustice, inequality, hatred, etc; and all those energies of fear must be transmuted for the earth’s entrance into the higher frequency.”

yoursoulsplan

Dear Friends,

A reader writes the following:

Rob and Kathleen…can you speak to the two possible timelines we are on? One being, Putin is trying to take over other countries. And the other being he is clearing out the tunnels to set the children free, while also destroying the bio labs. I would love to hear your comments. Though I believe that whichever we believe will be what we experience. It is confusing for us to hear different plots between channelings.Thank you!!

Kathleen channels a collective of ascended masters who respond with these words:

“We speak of this scenario as one that holds possibility as does everything in one’s belief system, and by that we mean that if something can be ‘thought,’ it can then hold possibility. We also speak of timelines and what they mean/are. For instance, in a timeline of recent, something took place that moved humanity (almost…

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Creating Calm

Living unintegrated is a weird state to be in. When I say unintegrated I mean living with an inner truth that doesn’t match how I currently feel most of the time. They’re not in alignment. And this incongruity means I don’t feel like myself. Still. Yet, doing healing work is very, very slowly bringing me back to myself.

With all the deep inner healing I’ve been going through, these days my truths resonate with spiritual truths. I know I’m whole, perfect in any given moment, and am divine. Yet there are still aspects of my consciousness who are out of resonance with these truths. And they’ve been rising up to be healed and reconnected, pushed up with the action of Kundalini energy.

It feels like the energy of Kundalini is shaking things loose that don’t resonate with my core spiritual truths, and are helping them heal and rise up to my conscious mind (in that order).

I recently had a Reiki session – the first I’ve had since last summer – and it was wonderful. The practitioner I work with is not only a Reiki Master, but her tool bag includes intuitive nutritional counseling and sound healing.

While she ran Reiki energy, we chatted a bit during the session and I mentioned feeling like something was not quite right because of my having become unusually upset last week. My system soaked up the energy like a dried-out sponge, and she asked about my chakras and if I wanted her to do some chakra work.

Hell yes!

Looking at my chakras, she saw a lot of light in my heart chakra. She also mentioned feeling one of my guides around. Describing the guide, it appeared as a column of pure light. Neither masculine nor feminine, just light. And it’s been with me for eternity. I’ve had other experiences of connecting with guides who’ve been with me forever, and it feels right that I’m working with one who transcends time and a body at this point in my journey. I didn’t mention it during the session, but I almost feel like this guide is a part of my soul who is just a heck of a lot closer to Source. A part who is reminding me of the light that I am and holding that light for me.

After checking my heart, she moved on to my solar plexus chakra where things were a bit plugged up. She tuned in and saw a little girl crying, but also intuited it wasn’t the day to dive in and do deep healing work, which felt right.

As we talked, she asked if I’d like some sound healing, and it felt right. Using tuning forks, she began at my feet, placing the forks on acupuncture meridians, and the vibration from the forks shot energy right up through my body triggering my back to suddenly arch. It was wild. Sort of like sound roto-rooter.

She moved to a handful of points on my legs, torso, arms, hands, and head, and when she put a vibrating tuning fork on my third eye spot I heard internally, “Peace.” “Peace be with you.” The phrase repeated over and over, eventually fading. My whole body felt so peaceful and calm. It was lovely.

Towards the end of the session, she played her gong for me, which was a first, and I loved feeling the vibrations in my body. It took me back to when I was little and my favorite part of going to church was sitting up in the choir loft in front of the organ’s pipes. The lowest register wasn’t metal pipes, but tall wooden boxes, and I loved feeling the air and vibrations from each low bass note.

By the time my practitioner was done with me, I was cheery, chipper, and felt really good. And yes, I still felt the inner disconnect I’ve been working on healing for a while now, but it was quietly tucked in the background while the good feelings stayed with me for the rest of the day.

I look forward to connecting more and more with my guide of light and becoming more one with myself.

Layers of Blocks and More Healing

About a half dozen years ago during a hypnotic healing session, emotional baggage appeared as stones. As part of the healing process, I gave stones back to family members and then to other faceless people. Then I just threw them off a cliff, rather than to anyone in particular. I had fun imagining myself hitting them off the cliff with a baseball bat and a golf club, and whatever else came to mind.

As I got good at getting rid of these stones, they grew larger into rocks and instead of one or two, a growing pile appeared by me. Pretty soon I got out the bulldozer to usher them off the edge of the cliff, and eventually, I was walked through the rest of the session, coming out a changed person. Healed.

Thinking back to when Kundalini energy first opened, I see that I’d had enough experiences of creating inner change during healing sessions, healing the connection and communication between my body, mind, and spirit, that I’d developed tools that would be essential to handling the effects of Kundalini energy. They would and still are helping me walk through a very intense healing journey ignited by Kundalini energy. In fact, everything I’d learned about energy healing has helped me in this journey.

When Kundalini energy opened, my sole focus became the healing of energetic blocks. It wasn’t only a conscious choice, but I feel my higher self chose this path.

As soon as I noticed internal resistance, an energetic block, it became something to focus on and heal. At this point, I was easily able to identify resistance by paying attention to my feelings and seeing patterns of negative emotions. I wanted Universal Life Force Energy to be able to flow through my heart unimpeded. And in the beginning, all it took was a few moments of focused intent to create deep and intense shifts. Kundalini energy is a creative energy, which means it’s an active agent of change. And I was changed again and again. My mind, body, and spirit all changed with each and every healing shift.

This intense, creative force has been pushing up rock after rock for me to heal them.

In the beginning, much of the healing addressed heart blocks. And then I realized things that were coming up to be healed were associated with my lower three chakras as well. Self-empowerment issues related to the solar plexus chakra. Issues around having been sexually abused, affecting my root and sacral chakras, and issues affecting my ability to be solidly grounded associated with my root chakra. In fact, I’m still working on root chakra things lately.

Before Kundalini energy cranked open, I’d spent a lot of time focusing on opening my third eye and crown chakras, wanting a stronger intuitive connection. And once Kundalini opened, healing was no longer as much about what I wanted to create, but what I still vibrated or resonated with. The very human qualities that still resonated in me as energetic blocks. Any and all energetic blocks were subject to being healed and released.

But these weren’t just stones, they were massive boulders. Grand Canyon-sized boulders, being vibrated loose from my consciousness. Energetic patterns that had not only transcended my lifetimes but resonated with the collective. Emotional wounds that are common to everyone. Yes. Everyone.

The kicker is they’re hidden deep in our unconscious mind. They lie in our shadow. And even when we’re being driven by our unconscious world, we don’t realize it. Because so much of my own shadow has been vibrated loose and has been healed, I’m now aware of so many things I was blind to. Layer after layer. More and more revealed with each healing moment.

When I experience an inner shift, I receive information as to what changed. What it was about. I used to see a little drama play out, and after witnessing the healing moment, spiritual wisdom and knowledge were downloaded to me. Teaching moments.

More recently, I don’t have to see the story. I just get the teaching moment after a healing shift. Plunked right into my conscious awareness.

Remember when you first learned to ride a bike you were wobbly and had to keep your feet on the ground or have someone help steady you? And after practicing over and over, you eventually got steadier and steadier until you could ride alone? And with more practice, you learned how to make turns and to stop without falling over?

Healing has been a little like that. My hypnotherapist helped steady me and also acted as a guide. She brought in spirit to be my training wheels and hold the high frequency of love for me. And working with my first spiritually awake hypnotherapist set me on a path of a healing process my body, mind, and spirit still ride today. But I don’t necessarily need much of an induction.

I can focus my mind and get my body into a state of relaxation, trusting the process pretty quickly. And the past two healing sessions I haven’t used hypnosis per se. My body and energy field have changed enough, and I’m sensitive enough, that a lot of this healing stuff happens almost on autopilot. I’ve ridden this bike enough that instead of muscle memory, I’ve got energy memory.

My energy field knows what’s up and gears up to let stuff go, even before I’m at my practitioner’s office.

I recently had the second of two massage sessions. They’re an ayurvedic type of massage called vishesh massage. I have no clue what vishesh means, but our sessions are a combo of using not too deep tissue massage, a little lymphatic drainage massage when necessary, combined with some aromatherapeutic oils now and then, hot rocks when my practitioner feels guided to use them, and a little conversation as my practitioner intuitively picks up on messages from my body.

Because this is an ayurvedic health center, I’ve learned that our power stems from our belly, and part of this massage addresses the belly. A first for me, and much needed.

What’s blowing my mind is that my body is releasing during these massages. Releasing in big, emotional ways, with tears. Knowing I’m in a safe environment and having had a few hypnosis healing sessions with my current practitioner, things have been coming up and out.

During the first massage a little over a month ago, the moment my practitioner’s hands touched my back, I felt my body thank me profusely. It was so happy to be in the hands of an intuitive massage therapist with years of practice and a big tool bag. She moved from my back to my neck, massaging it with her hands and fingers, and then holding a few hot stones there. It felt sooo good! In fact, when she removed the stones, I commented how good they’d felt and she put them back. A few seconds later my body began to shake and the next thing I knew I was bawling. Big release! As I already mentioned, I was in a safe place and allowed myself to cry it out.

Feeling into what was letting go, I didn’t get a lot of details, but it felt primal. Very, very old.

Later in the massage, when my belly was being worked on, I had another moment of my body suddenly beginning to shake followed by a release of tears. What was released related back to my teen years, being pregnant before my time and everything that went with it. My belly being stretched and contorted years before I was ready. The shame and visible scars of wide stretchmarks I hid for years. Scars I don’t think twice about these days. But my body had more to release.

The healing work I did before Kundalini energy opened focused often on taking notice of chronic emotional triggers. Things that left me irritated and agitated, that I responded to by eating. Primarily using food to numb my discomfort. I’d book a session, bring up and heal something, and would easily integrate the new energy.

Since Kundalini opened, merely being around other people who are “activated” by their unconscious beliefs of less-than; being around people who become emotional about anything that resonates with me at any level becomes fodder for healing. Sometimes before I’ve fully integrated the last energetic release, something else is bubbling up, needing to be released.

Kundalini energy sometimes feels like a bulldozer excavating me of my ‘human condition’, forcing my shadow world up into the light where it’s shifted and healed, paying no mind to the demands of my very human life. Thankfully, I’ve found healers to help me along my journey.

My most recent massage had to be delayed a few weeks because of record-setting flooding in my area. With roads closed, I couldn’t get to the appointment. Living in a rainforest and on a floodplain, we’re used to puddles forming in our yard when it rains heavily in the winter, and sometimes having the puddles connect, becoming a little stream. But we hadn’t seen most of our yard submerged in almost a decade and a half, until a few weeks ago.

Having warnings of high water, as our back yard disappeared, we rolled up rugs and moved some things up off the floor. Even before deciding to clear our floors, my ability to focus and pay attention disintegrated as more and more news about rising floodwaters came in. My head was an absolute shitstorm of crap thoughts bouncing around like a ping-pong ball: flooded by worry, fear, paranoia. Thoughts I didn’t feel the impulse to act on, yet wouldn’t quiet down. Moving books, photo albums, school diplomas, and more off lower shelves, every possible negative emotion associated seemed to bubble up. Bad memories and crushed dreams. And my physical strength was pitiful. I had to stop and rest every few minutes.

It truly sucked.

Finally, when my family went out and I had more than a minute or two of peace and solitude, the dam of emotions broke. I was flooded and bawled. Unprocessed stress from years prior, on top of all the fears in the air from the current flood, poured out of me. All the negativity and crap thoughts.

After the flood, with our floors having been spared from floodwaters, and being free of rugs, I was motivated to give them a good cleaning before putting our rugs back down. They were quite overdue to be thoroughly swept and mopped, and I spent the next week scrubbing and preserving them, pouring love and new energy into our house. Despite not having much physical endurance, it felt really good to do very long-neglected cleaning. Scrubbing floors and dusting books and bookshelves as books were put back, extended to what almost felt like spring cleaning because I could finally get to areas usually cluttered with boxes and stuff. Not only cleaning but giving my home some overdue TLC. By the time I had the massage, I’d been using muscles that hadn’t seen a good workout in a few years.

Finally making it to my massage appointment, after talking for a while and commenting that my neck and upper back needed attention, I got on the massage table face down. Made comfy with warm blankets and bolsters, I listened to relaxing music and enjoyed being massaged with hot oil. Wondering if I’d have another release experience, I let my practitioner do her thing and trusted that if anything was ready to come up and let go, it would.

When the practitioner got to my back, she worked along each side of my spine and then grabbed her hot rocks. Using the rocks to both warm and massage me, all of a sudden my body began to quake and tears flowed out of me. After a good cry, a ‘knowing’ hit my brain as I felt part of myself become known as she shifted and let go. She’d been upset because she was unable to control her surroundings and not just her surroundings, but the people around her. She wanted everyone around her to be able to climb into her mind and body, to know just what she was thinking and feeling, and to do what she wanted, how she wanted it. She wanted people around her to change, become more like she was, and help her feel better.

I felt this part of me and recognized it immediately. Not only in myself, but people I’m close to. In fact, everyone feels this way from time to time. Feels the desire to control others and have things the way they want. Feeling in control gives us a sense of stability and calm. And I’d like to feel better and more in control of myself these days.

The recent floodwaters no doubt activated this part of me, making me feel out of control. And as much as I’ve healed the need to control other people in general, resonating with those close to me contributed to this coming up. This time at a deeper, more collective level.

The rest of the massage went well, with no other big releases, and left me feeling sublime and very womanly. Loving all my curves. It was wonderful.

Healing the need to control others has made it a lot more comfortable to be around people whose lives aren’t what I’d want for someone I care about. I no longer feel guilty about friendships I’ve outgrown, and don’t feel the need to interfere in someone else’s life unless asked.

As much as I’ve discovered some very powerful healing modalities that work well for me and wish healing for everyone on the planet and especially those I love, I’ve learned healing can’t be forced on anyone. It isn’t for everyone, and what works for me doesn’t mean it’s the way for everyone.

When Life Isn’t Safe

When we don’t feel safe we do all sorts of things to feel a sense of control. And the first thing that really worked for me when I was very young was eat. Food helped me feel better. I saw it in a hypnotic healing session several years ago. And not only did I see it, but healed the part of me who came to light.

I’ve never been skinny, even when my brothers were when we were all children. But I didn’t become obese until my thirties, when I had everything I wanted, or so I thought.

Today I was reminded of a comment my doctor made to my mother at my physical exam when I’d just turned 9, which was that I was about 5 pounds too heavy. My mother was always obsessed with the numbers on the scale, and eventually I was too. Happiness and our weight became directly correlated. Mom started diet after diet, and by the time I was a teenager, so did I.

Back then, there was never a conversation about mental health at physicals. I’d never even heard about mental health. And I certainly had no clue my mother was mentally ill. When I grew up there weren’t any conversations about appropriate touch either. These things just weren’t talked about.

Being the focus of my mother’s verbal attacks, she wasn’t a safe person. How screwed up is it to have the one who you bond with first, the one who birthed and nursed you, also be the one who viciously attacked you? No wonder I blacked out so much of my childhood. Food became my salve. But I had school as a refuge, and playing with my best friend down the street.

Her house was safe for me, and her mother was like a second mother. A sane mother whose moods weren’t extreme. Who not only showed me love and who was always there for her children, but who also demonstrated what being angry looked like without attacking someone.

Taking after our mother, my older brother discovered that controlling his younger sister made him feel safe. No, he wasn’t a focus of our mother’s attacks, but he lived under the same roof and was also affected by her. Watching how my mother treated me, unfortunately, his behavior was more physically domineering and turned sexual as he began to enter puberty.

Between the situation at home and the stirrings of my own puberty, by nine years old I began to put on a little weight likely in response to my own anxiety. The thing is, so did my son around the same age. But in his case it’s because he was born prematurely with a nervous system that has always struggled to be regulated, and he lives with anxiety. Food also helps him feel better.

We all develop coping mechanisms that help us feel safe and in control when life doesn’t feel safe. Sometimes they involve behaviors we do to ourselves, like eating. And sometimes they are behaviors we to to others, like controlling them. After my mother dominated me by verbally assaulting me, and no one caught and disciplined my brother for his behavior, I never developed healthy personal boundaries.

Life had repeatedly shown me I couldn’t control those around me, and don’t get me wrong, I tried, I was a shit to my younger brother for far too long, especially when we were kids. I grew up with poor boundaries that I could only voice when I hit the end of my rope. And they came out very loud and hot, not unlike my mother.

The beauty of healing using hypnosis has been two-fold. It’s helped me let go of all sorts of emotional triggers. And it’s educated me on why they were formed in the first place. It’s changed me quite significantly from the inside out, while giving me a hell of an education on the human condition.

I can now look back at my life and say I lived with a fair bit of anxiety. I felt it so often, but didn’t know what it was. And over the course of healing my inner world, so much is now gone.

The tricky thing over the past few years is I’m not myself. Living with or being around people who have anxiety, I sometimes run their stuff through me. And after having lost 95 pounds fairly easily back in 2016 and 2017, the first few years of my Kundalini awakening saw 75 pounds come back.

Over the past two years, my weight has been very gradually declining again, about ten pounds per year. And every now and then I find myself plagued by food cravings again. Things I’d already successfully addressed in healing sessions.

Yesterday afternoon I spent hours craving sugar, waiting for the cravings to subside. I finally gave in around 8 pm and went out and bought some candy. I bought more than I usually buy when I want to satisfy my sweet tooth, but didn’t think much of it.

And today, in the light of a new day, pieces of a puzzle fall into place. Feelings of the world not being a safe place were flooding my energy field, but they weren’t mine. These days, as much as I know bad and dangerous things can happen in the world, my core belief is the world is inherently safe. I was vibing off someone I’m very close to. And the emotions running through me sparked sugar cravings and buying more than I needed. Sugar changes our brain chemistry and can make us feel safe. And over-buying can be a coping mechanism for stress/anxiety.

With this realization I’m hoping the next time I find myself reaching repeatedly for sugary treats, I’ll be able to stave them off more easily. And looking at the issue of not feeling safe in the world (which came up in a healing session in 2016 or early 2017) in a future healing session might not be a bad idea either. Peeling away another layer of the onion.

Some of what I’m healing these days are issues I’d already healed and were put to rest. But between my “new” level of consciousness and living with active Kundalini energy, things are being addressed anew.

Healing Pain

The further along in my Kundalini awakening process I walk, the more universal the spiritual wisdom comes through me. Feeling the need to release built up internal pressure, I recently did healing work again. This time with someone new. She was recommended by a fellow Kundalini awakening experiencer, and one of the modalities the healer is versed in is hypnotherapy.

Arriving a little bit early to my appointment, I was surprised to find the door beneath the business’s sign locked and shades drawn, looking very much closed. But I reasoned the practitioner might be running late and I was probably her first appointment of the day. Yet about five minutes past our appointment time, it occurred to me that the office might be within a set of doors behind me that led to several offices up a flight of stairs. Being so utterly discombobulated and out of it (because I needed to do some releasing big time), I hadn’t realized that the number of her office denoted being on the second floor of the building, and I’d been waiting outside a storefront of a former, now out-of-business business.

Finally getting a clue and finding the cozy upstairs office, I found the practitioner and rambled on about confusedly waiting downstairs, instead of just apologizing for being late.

Working with anyone new always takes a bit of getting to know each other, and we sat and talked for quite a while. Trying to focus on what I wanted to accomplish in the session, I talked at length about not only how I’ve used hypnosis over the past several years, but that it was the gateway to Kundalini energy cracking open. I spoke about what my awakening process has been and what I specifically wanted from her, which was very simple to my mind. All I wanted was for her to help guide me to my own inner wisdom to ask what was ready to leave and to have her essentially hold space and use her own intuition to help my process. These days I don’t need to go deep and I’m able to let the process unfold on its own. But I seem to need another person to help me by being the safe container and the witness.

Knowing I was going to have a hypnosis session in this first visit, I expected to talk for about half an hour or so and have 45 minutes to an hour for the hypnosis. But the practitioner seemed to go on for quite a while. I could see her listening to my story, asking lots of questions, fitting it into her ayurvedic boxes.

At one point it felt like the more I tried to explain the unexplainable and focus in on what I wanted, the bigger the gap opened between us. And when something inside began to fear she wasn’t right for me, which only brought up more fear and feelings of defeat, I stopped talking and just sat and listened. (In hind sight, I’m pretty sure I was picking up on her stuff because my system was very open and discombobulated – not grounded or centered). She described some of the processes she teaches people, like sitting in their pain and giving them new frameworks for understanding their bodies and functions, and I just listened. I wasn’t interested in learning yet another framework. Allopathic medicine, naturopathic medicine, homeopathic medicine, acupuncture and Chinese medicine, Energy Healing, Qi Gong, Tai Chi, the Chakra System, the Five Elements, and so much more.

When I first became interested in Energy Healing and discovered Deborah King, she spoke often about people’s doshas (ayurvedic body type), so I had a little bit of familiarity, but in the moment I was barely in my body and was looking for healing ASAP to help bring me back to Earth.

Finally, she told me she’s all about facilitating whatever someone needs and asked me if I wanted to do some hypnosis. And I just about yelled that’s why I was there! Suddenly, all sorts of excitement came over me and I couldn’t wait to lie on her table in her tiny healing inner sanctum. Barely able to stop talking, I laid on her comfy table and relaxed as she anointed my forehead with essential oils, put on soothing music, and did her thing. I was a tiny bit nervous just because we’d never worked together before, but soon relaxed into the process.

Smelling the oils, and relaxing into the music and the comfy table, she talked me down very quickly and asked that my inner wisdom come forward to let us know what was ready to be released. Paying attention to my body and any visions that began to come into my third eye, I noticed the back of my neck being a bit uncomfortable and the vision of a little girl appearing.

I’ve connected so many times with my inner child that these days she shows up easily. Cowering in fear, the young child was once again accusing me of lying to her. Of telling her life in a physical body here on Earth would be an adventure. That it would be fun. But to her, life was pain. It was all sorts of discomfort and pain. Before long, I saw an older version of myself, around twenty-four, come into the scene and cradle the little one in her arms. The older one held and supported the younger one, comforting her. As the little one threw a tantrum repeating, “You lied to me!” the “you” soon meant not me, the woman typing these words, but God. The God in me.

And then I downloaded that this was a soul injury. My very soul was hurting.

Then, off to my right I had the sense of yet another someone being present. And although I couldn’t see this other someone, I knew they were holding a higher energetic vibration, much like what Archangel Michael does for me.

At one point the practitioner asked if I could hold space for both the versions of my younger selves and the being holding the higher vibration, and without hesitation the answer came back a resounding “No!” I would not be left in limbo when the goal was to heal and release.

A moment later, the scene of the twenty-four year old still cradling the little girl became encased in a giant egg shaped field of energy and the outside was black. I knew the blackness was merely a hard outer shell that was asking to be cracked open. And I knew there was light inside dying to get out. Looking at the big black shape, relaxing into the resistance and wondering what it was, the word PAIN suddenly peppered itself all over the outside. What wanted to be seen, recognized, validated and witnessed was pain.

It was all the pain I’d felt as a little girl, pain I’d felt at other times in my life and in other lifetimes, and even pain happening in the world right now as we’re all going through massive upheaval and evolution, cracking shells of comfort, ego, and the human shadow open.

As I thought about my own Kundalini awakening process and how painful it’s been, I wondered how much more pain do I have to process before I can feel like myself again every day. Thinking about when this might happen, I saw the word, “WHEN” appear as the massive letters overlaying the entire scene. And the question was instantly answered, “Soon. Not too much longer now. Not much more pain to transmute. Hang in there. You’re doing great.” (In the realm of spirit, since time doesn’t exist, soon in this case could be weeks or months, but likely not years).

Refocusing on how to heal the pain, the practitioner helped me continue to relax into it and as I remembered it’s not my job to know how things will happen, I suddenly saw the word LOVE peppered all over the outside of the hard, black shell. Although I could still see the words, PAIN, with a big emotional release of tears, LOVE began to work its magic.

The scene with the large black energetic shell covered with the words, PAIN and LOVE began to dissolve. Both versions of my younger selves encased within the blackness simply began to dissolve. And when I was asked how my little inner child was doing, I knew she was happy. She was no longer upset and no longer in resistance to being here in physical form.

With inner resistance having been addressed and released, the practitioner asked me about the new wisdom I held. What was it? Pain blocks love, and love heals pain. As simple as that.

With that the session ended. Although it was pretty quick, it was effective. Not much of an induction, but apparently I didn’t need it.

Since the session, I find myself feeling more centered and focused. More present and more like myself. Not so much when I first wake up in the morning, but after engaging in activities.

Looks like I’ve found another local practitioner to work with. I really like the space she’s created and has inhabited for almost a decade.

Death and Rebirth

My life has become a series of deaths and rebirths. Shining light into the shadows. Discovering inner disconnection and reconnecting. Releasing that which no longer serves me. Healing my inner child. Remembering my divinity.

And it’s been on fast forward for too long.

It’s time for the next shell, the next hard, black layer to crack open and fall away.

Log Jam

Once again, I’ve been trying to get coherent thoughts down on paper and what I’m ending up with is half… See? I can’t even come up with the words I want. As someone who has always had a friendly relationship with language and words, it’s truly frustrating to suddenly lose vocabulary and not be able to write a tight thousand words. Shit.

My brain is a log jam of fog again. Not sure if it’s because of old stuff leaving while new wiring is being installed or something’s coming up and wants to be released.

I’m trying to take a break from doing healing work for a little while to just live. The thing is, with Kundalini energy rumbling throughout my body, it has little regard for my need to be able to think clearly and make decisions that are impactful. And it doesn’t care if my yard is becoming more and more overgrown by the year.

All it does is bring up things deep within me that don’t resonate with Oneness. It’s all about healing duality. Yet for some reason my process seems to be a series of high peaks and low valleys that yes, are leveling out somewhat, but are still making this human life difficult. Despite noticing how much I’ve changed, having had company for most of a week recently, today is one of those “I’m not having fun yet” sort of days.

I wanted to write about all the change I noticed when we had company, but my brain hasn’t been cooperating for the past few days and I’m over it. So tired of it.

This too shall pass. I look forward to the day when I actually feel like myself again.