Healing Cancer

Before I even get into this post, please know that I do not and have not had cancer. But, if I ever did, the first thing I’d do is book a session with my hypnotherapist to look into why it was with me. Cancer always has a reason for finding us. Always. Sometimes it can be healed, saving a person’s life, and sometimes the life is lost, healing the cancer in the transition into death. There are times when cancer can be healed, and the person still passes away, free and clear of the energy. And there are times when a person has cancer and lives with it, eventually passing away, but not directly because of the cancer, and not healing the energy of cancer. This last scenario is what happened with my father. He lived with cancer for over 25 years, and it was never healed or cured. And it was not the cause of his death at almost 86 years old.

I learned the other week, that it’s possible to heal cancer, even before you have it. Here’s what happened.

I have a history of cancer in my family. Everyone I am blood related to from my parent’s generation and my grandparent’s generation, except for one grandmother, had cancer. Because of some previous inaccuracies in our medical knowledge, for years I’ve felt like a marked woman. That because so much of my family had cancer, that I must surely carry a genetic propensity for it, and will likely get it at some point. Modern medicine loves to blame genes for cancer. But they are still working on what turns on a gene in some people, but not in others. The fact is, genes, in and of themselves do not cause cancer. There has to be something that activates them.

The realm of energy healing doesn’t need to get wrapped up with genes, it dives in and asks disease why it’s here and what it and the body needs to become ok and get happy.

As has happened a number of times for me, at my most recent hypnotherapy session, I was addressing something that’s been in my face for a while, something that’s been physically uncomfortable, and the energetic reasons for it absolutely blew me away. I wouldn’t have guessed in a hundred years what came up. And working with a talk therapist could never have uncovered what wanted to come up and be healed. I was shocked, stunned, and must have used up half a box of tissues.

Since last summer, I’ve been tending to a cranky gallbladder and touchy digestive system. If I manage things very proactively, with diet and supplements, everything is happy. But every now and then I’ve gotten lazy, and the result is a sluggish digestive tract which causes pain for my gallbladder.

I’ve been asking why the digestion has been slow, and part of it has to do with how my body reacts to foods it’s allergic to, lately. Staying far away from certain foods has helped a lot, but it hasn’t completely resolved my issue. While rolling the question of digestion around in my mind, and after having conversations about it with a close and trusted friend, it occurred to me to look into not just specific functions, but digestion in general. Why am I having so much trouble digesting food in general? And then the thought hit me to go even broader, to looking into digestion of life.

What am I having so much trouble digesting in life? I’m learning that knowing what question to ask is half the battle sometimes when it comes to healing.

After a few clarifying questions from my hypnotherapist, we dove in to see what would come up. After going through the relaxation phase, she had me notice what I noticed. I noticed my gallbladder talking to me by becoming uncomfortable. As I tuned into it, I picked up on a thread of fear.  The fear was stubborn. It took a few different angles of approach to see beyond it.

When I finally made headway, the fear looked like me, around 3 years old. In a flash of memory, I saw an adult hand grabbing onto my upper arm, making me move down our old hallway. But whose hand was it? I knew, but didn’t want to know. More resistance. I knew that someone wanted me to do something or go somewhere, and being an independent toddler, I wanted to do my own thing. Stubbornly, the resistance wouldn’t let up.

I rolled possible people into the place of the hand on my arm. Was it Mom? That was a very likely possibility. No. It wasn’t Mom. But who and why? I wondered if it possibly could have been Dad. After all, he would do that with us to get us going: grabbing our upper arm so as to not hurt us.

The moment I wondered if it was Dad, not only the affirmative answer hit my head, but the entire reason for my upset did as well. And it was huge. Gigantic in fact. For my little three-year-old self, it had been life-altering. This was the first time my Dad was angry and took it out on me. I knew he wasn’t angry with me, in fact, he was angry with someone else, but took it out on me (because that’s what parents unknowingly do).

The reason it was so shocking to my system, was because up until that moment in my young life, Dad had been the one safe person in my family, my life. He was the one person that I trusted. He was my one source of safety in an unsafe family. And now that was shattered.

It broke me.

As the reality of this little three-year-old’s world hit me, I could see my father with his head hanging in hurt and sorrow. He hadn’t realized that this outburst, this particular interaction with his toddler had been so damaging. He hadn’t struck her, and in fact was careful to not physically hurt her. And yet, her world changed forever that day.

I knew my father was sorry and apologetic. I was directed to picture my father sitting in a chair in front of my 3 year-old toddler self, and to talk to him as the toddler. I expressed my hurt as best I could, seeing that my father wanted to apologize. And as much as I knew he was sorry, and could see that he was sorry, I couldn’t feel it.

I couldn’t make my little one feel the sorrow, and until she could, I knew forgiveness couldn’t happen. It’s something that must be felt in order to be real. As I wondered how to move forward, I remembered that it’s not my job to know how it would go down, but to hand it over to Archangel Michael, who was standing by at this point.

His massive winged form stood in front of me, slightly off to the right, waiting for me to turn things over to him. As soon as I did, Dad was no longer sitting in a chair in front of me, but was standing out in front, and slightly off to my left, facing Archangel Michael. At the same time, an epiphany hit me: my father had experienced the same loss of trust, loss of faith in his own father when he was very young. He had been hurt too.

As soon the knowledge was dumped into my head, tears of empathy fell, tears of sorrow for his hurt fell. Dad had been hurt in the same way I had. It explained his strained relationship with his father. And then I knew that his father had the same experience with his father and so on. It was a chain of energy that travelled down the family line! Holy shit!! I finally felt Dad’s remorse and shame flow. The dam burst in both of us. More tears.

At the same time, when I looked at Archangel Michael, I saw light coming from Source down into his head and out through his hands, beaming directly to my heart and my right side (that had been uncomfortable). The light was divided into two beams; one royal blue, and one emerald green. I knew the light was healing me. And an instant later, when I looked over at Dad, it connected into his heart and his prostate, healing him. Then the blue and green light connected to my grandfather’s heart and prostate, and the organs of his father and his father that required healing, and on back as far as it needed to go.

In this moment, I knew that what was healing was an energetic chain of cancer that came down through my family, and it gave the men prostate cancer. In a flash, a cousin appeared off to my right, and I saw that where he’d had his prostate removed last year because it was cancerous, still carried the family energy of cancer. I saw the ball of energy in him. And as soon as I saw this, the healing light connected to him as well, healing him.

That chain of cancer causing energy in my family is done. It stopped with me. It has been healed. My brothers and son will never have to tangle with it. That said, I have no idea if there are any other planned illnesses in their soul contracts, or other familial energetic chains that they might have to deal with in their future. But they won’t have to deal with this one. I healed it with forgiveness and love.

With this massive shift underway, I checked in with my body again and saw blackness rising out of my heart space and from my entire right side. Some of it was thick and tarry, some was light like soot, and some was so dense that it cracked and was taken care of by Archangel Michael. Little fairies came and took away the bits of soot.

Well, Michael took care of a lot of it, but my heart was helped by Jesus – that’s his territory. He works with my heart. As he’s done before, he stood in front of me, hands out, directing me to give all the blackness to him. Every bit of it. I know now that he can take it. This is what he does, transmuting the blackness, the pain, the fear, back into love.

As he took it all, he commented that I was doing a great job, and that I’d always been one of his quicker students to catch on. I’m remembering what he taught me before, and look forward to remembering more. I think what he was talking about was a thought that hit me as the shift was occurring, the thought that forgiveness can’t happen without the ability to feel empathy. That’s why we have the capacity to feel empathy; so the incredible process of forgiveness can happen. And it can only happen through the heart. True forgiveness has as much power as true unconditional love. I don’t know of anything more powerful in existence.

With all of the forgiveness energy flowing, and the chain of wounding and cancer being healed, as the blackness was leaving my body, I saw light shining out from beneath. But it wasn’t just white or golden light, it was rainbows. Pretty little rainbows. I noticed and thought to myself, that’s cute. Little rainbows. I wonder why rainbows.

The answer was immediate. The light held all the colors of the rainbow. Full spectrum light. The light that was now available to me was full spectrum. It was all frequencies available. I know from uncovering darkness before, that this light is me. It’s who I am. It’s who we all are. We are all beings of light. The only thing covering it up is old hurts, pains, and beliefs that no longer resonate with our current truth. More of the real me is now shining forth again.

I was directed to check in with my toddler self and she was happy, so very happy. In fact, because she was healed, she began to age progress in front of my eyes. Every time during my life that something had resonated with this original trauma, it set something off in me. All of those echoes were being healed. My age steadily progressed into my teens and then my twenties, and on up until I reached my present age, healing happening along the way.

When I checked in with my father, and his father, and so on, they were all so very happy. They told me that they’d had all their hopes pinned on me. That I’d be the one to finally stop this dreaded chain. I suddenly realized why Dad had become a doctor. But he couldn’t heal the chain using modern medicine. And then I realized why I couldn’t go to medical school and had made a hard right half way through undergrad, abandoning my plans of medical school. Good thing too, or I’d likely never have figured this out.

I saw my family members hoist me high on their shoulders, carrying me around with a “hip, hip, hooray!” taking me to the nearest pub to hoist a pint. It all felt very proper and very British. Then I remembered that my grandfather was born in England, as had his father. Of course. It made sense now.

Now that the shift had happened, and healing was proceeding, there was nothing left for me to do. Everything was being taken care of. Archangel Michael would hold the energy in place for as long as was needed, and Jesus would stay as long as he was needed.

With Jesus’ comment about my being a former student, he got me curious. I’ve seen a previous life of mine when he walked the earth, and I saw him heal my child. I also know I was a teacher during that lifetime, but those are all the details I have. I believe that a big part of my life now, is to have experiences and remember his teachings through them, so I can put them out to the world again. At some point, I’ll have a past life regression and take a look into this.

At that, with my consent, my hypnotherapist wrapped up the session and brought me back up to full consciousness.

This was one of the most intense hypnosis adventures I’ve had to date, primarily because I was completely shocked at how I’d been hurt by my most loving father. And secondly because I was surprised to see the ancestral chain of cancer. When I think of the word karma, this is how I use it: as an energetic pattern that is carried on like a chain, through a family. In my own family, I’ve seen this dynamic twice. Other than this instance, where it brought prostate cancer, I’ve seen it on my mother’s side, where it brought a pattern of emotional mother-daughter wounding in the form of verbal abuse. I also healed that chain.

During the session, after the “holy shit” moment of seeing the energetic cancer chain, I cried because I couldn’t believe my soul had chosen to take on such a burden on not one parental lineage, but on both sides. I had a momentary “poor me” episode. For just a moment, I sat there thinking, WTF? Why would I choose that?

But faster than the speed of light, the realization of how completely and utterly amazing my soul is, I AM, hit me like a bold of lightning. How amazing am I that my soul not only took on these extraordinary challenges, but figured them the eff out?!! I mean seriously! Who does that?

I’m just a housewife who doesn’t like housework, and who would rather write and take pictures than anything else, who’s doing the best she can to raise a complicated and amazing son. I’d rather mow the lawn or use the chainsaw than vacuum the house or clean a toilet any day. All I wanted was to lose weight back when I first gave hypnosis a try almost seventeen years ago, and look where I am now. Whoa.

What I’m trying to say is, if I can do it, anyone with proper training and drive, can. As Jesus said (or thereabouts), these things I do, you can do, and more. Heck ya!

Just a quick note: I didn’t begin this session with the intention to dig up a pattern of cancer in my family, it came up along the way. If you have cancer or suspect you do, always work with a medical doctor. And know that energy healing is a great compliment to traditional medication. Also, people who are medically trained with hypnosis can help with things like pain control. There are lots of options out there to take care of your health and well being.

Betraying Myself: The Deepest Cut of All

A few weeks ago, there was something I wanted to investigate using my favorite energy healing tool: hypnosis. Nerves in my body had been on my mind. There are a few in particular that have been talking to me for a while now, like my sciatic, but then my mind wandered to my nervous system in general. I was thinking about how a nervous system develops in a baby and in a child when it’s chronically stressed, as mine undoubtedly did.

Experiencing chronic stress from a mentally ill and sometimes abusive mother must have had an effect on how my nervous system developed. I know that I’ve had traumatic reactions during my life that caught me by surprise, and now I recognize them for what they were. With the powerful tool of hypnotherapy, I wanted to see what could be healed.

Sitting down with my hypnotherapist, we talked over my intentions for the session, and began. Instead of assuming what will come forth, my hypnotherapist asks me to notice what I notice. After taking me into the focused state of hypnosis, my hypnotherapist had me picture a white light above my head. An intelligent and healing light that I flowed down through my entire body. I noticed it passed through much of my body, filling it with a wonderful energy. After a while, I was asked to look toward the white light and see who wanted to come forward to accompany me this session.

The odd thing was, no one came forward this time. For several sessions, Mother God had helped me, and very recently my higher self stepped forward. But this day, no additional intermediary came forth, so off we went. (I later learned that I no longer needed the help of a guide acting as intermediary between me and higher knowledge, which is why none came forward at that time).

I was asked to scan my body to notice what came up. About this time, I heard a voice tell me, “You got this.” One of my guides, John The Baptist, must have been hanging out in the background, because I recognized this as classic John. My consummate cheerleader.

As I looked at my body, I noticed fear around it and my brain. As I tuned into the fear, it was fear of death. Fear that stepping into my own knowing, connecting to my intuition, being connected to Source and all its information, would get me killed as it had in many past lives. When I looked at my brain, I saw pathways of fear woven through it. I knew that many of these pathways were because of beliefs that I took on; beliefs that are not my truth. Then I saw the image of a piece of a nerve. It was black and was obviously not well, the blackness representing fear.

I received the message that the body was not designed to hold onto fear. It was designed to feel fear and then process it through and out of the system. Holding onto fear creates pain and disease in the body. In that moment, I knew that areas of my body that experience chronic pain, are holding onto old fear. And with that knowledge, I can heal them.

Seeing the nerve, that it was black, I next saw a little movie play out, showing the blackness burn off, leaving healthy nerve in its place. I knew I could get this to happen but didn’t know how to get the process started. Then I noticed that Archangel Michael was there with me.

He stood directly in front of me, his massive winged self reassuring me that as soon as I gave him the word, he’d get the healing rolling. I wanted to give him permission, but for some reason I couldn’t. It was the weirdest thing. Most of me was all in, but there was a little niggling piece of me that wasn’t on board. In fact, when I focused on her, she felt very young and was pitching a fit.

I looked at this very young part of me and saw that she was not wanting to cooperate with me at all. Not for a minute. She was telling me “nope, I don’t believe or trust you. It’s not going to happen. You lied to me when you said it was going to be so great to have a life in a body. It hasn’t been great at all. It’s been hard and painful.” She was thinking about life with Mom.

I was trying to figure out how to make this part of me happy. I kept thinking about how she didn’t believe me and she didn’t trust me, and then I thought about how a part of me didn’t trust the rest of me. Then it moved into, I don’t trust myself. I don’t trust God. I don’t trust Divine Intuition. That was the key. A tsunami of tears fell at the thought of my not trusting myself.

The wave of deep sorrow and remorse for letting myself down hit me full force. Every time I didn’t trust myself, didn’t trust my own intuition, didn’t trust The Divine talking to me,  or trust God, I was blocking my own light. I was disrespecting myself and shutting myself off from my own Source Energy and my Light. I apologized to that piece of me over and over and over. I kept telling her how much I love her, and I was hugging her with all the love I could muster.

All the little pieces of myself that had been shut off or blocked, every time I hadn’t trusted my intuition, or honored or loved myself, suddenly appeared. Where one piece had stood, there were now many (perhaps a thousand). They all came back to me. Massive soul retrieval. It took a little while, but eventually all these pieces of me accepted my apology, forgave me, and were happy once again.

With the energy shifted, I saw my nerves becoming cleaned off. Blackness burned off, leaving healthy tissue behind. After a little while, the nerves took on sparkly golden divine Source Energy. When I looked at Archangel Michael, he was standing there as a conduit of Source Energy.

Source Energy flowed into him and out from him, facilitating this process. He helped to hold the Source Energy for me. The intensity and incredible power of love that he held was amazing. His capacity to hold very powerful love knows no end and no bounds. I knew that the process would continue for as long as it needed: for all the dark and blackness to be burned off every nerve in me, so healthy nerve tissue would return. And for the energy to become that of my divine self. I saw the nerve sparkle with golden energy.

I got the message that my nervous system is all better, and that when my body is relaxed and not threatened, my nerves will be ok now and will be at rest. They won’t perceive a death threat when my life is not actually threatened.

With all my nerves turning sparkly golden with divine Source Energy, I knew the process was finishing up. All the little orphan parts of me had returned, and the Conga music started up. As happens at the end of my sessions, the mood was very festive with Conga music and dancing. I wondered to myself, why do I always hear Conga music? And in that moment, the answer hit me as I saw all my formerly orphaned parts jump in line behind me, joining the Conga line. Of course!

The message today for me was one of betrayal of self and of forgiveness. I saw a picture in my mind of Source Energy feeding me, enlivening me, providing energy and information to me, and each time I didn’t trust myself or I didn’t love myself, I blocked Source Energy from myself (it was blocking my own light and energy from myself). I didn’t respect myself. In communicating with an orphaned part of myself, I learned that the deepest betrayal is betraying oneself.

By apologizing to myself heart to heart, forgiveness at the cellular level happened. In forgiving myself, it’s opening me back up to all parts of myself. It’s opening me back up to receiving Divine Love and receiving me. It’s bringing more of me back to me. It’s reclaiming myself. I once was lost, but now I’m found.


Experiencing The Source Of All

I was just watching a playlist of videos of Oprah’s interview with Dr. Eben Alexander, about his near death experience (NDE) that happened because of becoming very sick with meningitis. His book, Proof of Heaven, chronicled what happened to him when he left his body because it temporarily died. With his neurosurgical training, he has intimate knowledge of how our brain functions, and laid out a very convincing argument to prove to doubters and non-believers that his experience was not a hallucination produced by the physical brain. He was able to prove, through his experience, that his consciousness, who HE is, exists outside of and separately from his brain and physical body.

Even when his brain stopped functioning, and his body died, HE still existed. And he had the amazing experience of our Source Energy. His book describes what he felt and saw, and it left no doubt for him that he experienced what we call Heaven and God. Although, the term God as it’s used in today’s society is much too limiting for what he experienced, so he calls that energy Om. The Everything. The All. That was the sound he heard.

He experienced Oneness. The feeling, seeing, hearing, and knowing that we are all one energetic thing. And it’s only through our left brain that we perceive ourselves as physical and as physically distinct and separate from each other. Check out a few minutes of Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor’s experience of the left side of her brain shutting down when she had a stroke. She described the boundaries between her body and her surroundings, dissolving, melding into oneness.

She’s a doctor who studies the brain, so as she was having a stroke, she was able to watch it from the inside out. (The entire video is a great watch, but here is just the few minutes of her experience of another reality).

Having read several people’s stories of near death experiences, and stories about dead people’s death experiences as channeled through mediums, there is a common thread of an alternate reality to our everyday world. And because this reality isn’t perceived by our brains, by virtue of having a left hemisphere, most people can’t even begin to relate to it.

Even though Dr. Bolte Taylor didn’t die, she experienced consciousness outside of herself, as the left side of her brain shut down. She experienced herself as pure energy, pure consciousness.

During Dr. Alexander’s interview, as he explained how he experienced what he calls Om (because the term God is much too limiting), Oprah looked at him incredulously. She asked him if he heard what he was saying, intimating that he sounded crazy.

Well, how would you explain the unexplainable, the incomprehensible? Our human brains can’t fully grasp what it is to be without our bodies, experiencing Oneness. For eons, mankind has tried to put into words the experience of this mystical, mysterious thing called God. Religion has held the job of translation, and most churches I know describe God as a protective and loving (or mostly loving) paternal being. They describe him as a great and powerful being that exists beyond us mere mortal sinners.

How can you explain an experience to someone who has no point of reference for it? How can you explain to a person who has only ever lived in a hot desert climate and who has never even seen a picture of snow, what it is to go snow skiing? You can describe and describe, but until you put on layers of clothing, covering everything but your mouth, strap on a pair of skis, ride a lift up to the top of a freezing cold mountain, and hit the powder, you really can’t even begin to appreciate the nuances and the entirety of the experience.

Because I grew up not knowing God, I adopted a belief about it. I was taught a definition of God, and as I grew up and began to explore, my definition shifted a little bit this way or that. But one day, any faith or belief I had about God went out the window when I had an experience.

After that day, the word God became too limiting for me. God was no longer a “he” or even an individual separate from me. Well, because I perceived a voice speaking to me, part of me thought of God as a being separate from me. But at the same time, I knew that I was part of it. A spark of the divine.

It happened almost three years ago during an intensive four-day workshop. The first few days were spent doing healing exercises, building trust and a safe space, preparing us for what was to come. By the third day, we were walked step by step through a guided meditation that ended up with our meeting God in our heart.

I have to say that I was quite nervous at the prospect of meeting God. I can still remember my heart pounding at the beginning of the meditation. With child-like enthusiasm, I slid down a long, curvy slide, into a moon pool of water. The room was dimly lit by light coming up through the water. (We were guided to keep our thoughts light, fun, and like those of a child playing).

All of a sudden, everything changed. I was there with God. Because I wasn’t dead, I didn’t have the extent of the experience that Dr. Alexander did, but I remember bits and pieces of the conversation we had (because my brain was still very much functioning). I remember that a ton of information was dumped into me. But it happened so fast, my brain could only grasp bits and pieces. I was shown what looked like a gigantic Imax screen that extended from floor to ceiling, 360 degrees around me. On it I was shown many scenes of nature, of all sorts of people, mountains, and more. In that moment, I knew that I am everything and everything is me.

I saw, understood, and knew that my connection to God comes through my heart, and that I am always connected and have always been connected. I knew that God speaks to me through my thoughts all the time. ALL. THE. TIME. And the communication is subtle.

More than what was going through my head, I remember what it felt like. The feeling was so overwhelming that I was reduced to a puddle of tears. They rolled and rolled and rolled down my face and neck. The complete acceptance, and powerfully unconditional love (times a bazillion) just blew me away. Trying to put this experience into words doesn’t begin to do it justice.

Because of that experience, I know the energy that is God/ Source/ All That Is. I feel no need to prove it to anyone.

Since that workshop, I’ve connected to my divine self many times, reinforcing the knowledge that as much as God appeared to be separate from me when I connected in so deeply, that amazing energy that I felt is what I am created from. And as such, I AM that same amazing Divine Energy. As is everyone on this planet. I am a seemly separate (and yet not) aspect of Source Energy, comprised of the same qualities of unconditional love and complete acceptance.

As a distinct aspect of Divine Energy, I exist both in a human body and in spirit simultaneously. From my studies, I believe that just a portion of my total being is used to animate my human body, while the rest of my spirit resides as spirit. Connecting to my higher self is connecting to this part of me that resides in spirit, the part of me that is always with God (if you will). In energetic terms, it’s the part of my energy that never leaves Oneness.

Back in the fall of 2000, I had an experience of connecting with my higher self. The feelings began as the high energy of a storm, morphing into unbelievable power, and then into compassion and complete love. When I experienced God in 2014, the feelings I felt were much the same, only much more intensified, and accompanied by an information download.

As much as people who have had NDE’s have had their own individual experiences of God, and I have had experiences of God, still others have their own experiences through meditation or when communing with nature. Every experience is as valid and as meaningful as the next. And the common thread is the feeling of unconditional love.

If you don’t feel like you’ve really felt the presence of God, but want to, pay attention to the still small voice in your head that speaks only in the most loving voice. Listen for the voice that reaffirms your beauty and consistently encourages you, loving you through everything with absolutely no judgment. It might take some practice, but I believe you can do it. Sometimes it’s easier to hear when you’re out in nature.

The biggest take-away I hope you get from my experience, is the understanding that no matter what voices chatter away in your brain, your core essence is this indescribably beautiful, divine, sparkly,  and amazing love energy. This is what you are made of. What we are all made of.

For the past several years, I’ve been working on healing myself using a variety of forms of energy healing. Part of that process has been peeling away social programming, beliefs I took on from others, and suffering I held onto from years (and even lifetimes) ago. What’s being uncovered is everything that is left: my divinity.

If you still think you are imperfect and less than, what’s holding you back from knowing you are beautiful, perfect, and amazing?


Inspiration Strikes

Writing, for me, is a process to connect to the ethers. I connect to different levels of consciousness quite literally. Lately, I recognize the different feeling in my head when I move from the here-and-now into another world. I enter that world when I read, too.

This morning, I was reading a few of the blogs that I follow, and inspiration hit me. It does that. Being in the state of reading, opened me up to connecting thoughts and ideas that are swirling around in my grill. I can just about feel the top of my head opening up, moving information in and out.

One of the clever blogs that I follow is You’ve Been Hooked, and Robert tells the funniest stories about life as a bellman. In fact, he’s published a book about them: The Bellman Chronicles. He also interviews celebrities and once in a blue moon, shares a tidbit from his personal life.

Reading a recent post, one of those blue moon posts about his family, he commented about his father being the monster in his life. Like a flash of lightning, everything I have learned about how my mother (my monster) affected my life, and how Robert’s father still affects his life, hit me. About how I saw the world through lenses that were created because of the relationship with my mother. And that I now see with crystal clarity the lenses that Robert still wears, courtesy of his relationship with his Dad.

I hit me square between the eyes how an abusive childhood still affects us, even when we are adults, out on our own, perhaps thousands of miles from the abuser, or even after they are dead. We carry things with us that I now see so clearly, only because I have the perspective of before and after. The perspective of seeing life wearing the “my family fucked me up and stole my power” glasses, versus the “I now see how and what beliefs I created in order to save my life when I was a kid, and now that I’m an adult, those beliefs can go now” glasses. The new glasses are also the “I am so very honored and proud of the child I was, to make it through the shit so I could grow up and rediscover her amazingness” lenses.

I recognize the self-talk of a wounded child living inside a person. I recognize the feelings and reactions of a wounded child acting out through an adult. And I think one of the most important reasons I’m here on this planet right now is to stand in my own authenticity as just one example that the wounded child within can be healed. It can be set free of the burden of survival.

All of those bits and pieces inside of me that have been afraid for my life, are being healed, and in the process, are finding more and more peace. And yes, it’s a process. I’m connecting with each one of them, letting them know that I’m ok now. I made it. And the truth is, a child’s perspective is one of survival.

It’s also one of play. Children are still so connected to following their bliss, their joy, and living in the moment. We adults sure do a good job of beating it out of them.

Today, when I hear someone put themselves down, I see that it’s not their authentic self talking, it’s fear. It’s the parent or person who threatened their safety. It wasn’t safe to be myself when I was little. It brought me pain. Being my true, authentic, curious, sparkly self was dangerous for me.

Even in my adult years, my mother would become jealous of me at times, and I didn’t understand why. It was because of the loathing she felt for herself. It was because of the childhood wounds she carried within herself. As my wounds have been healing, I’m able to feel joy for another person’s success, without it feeling threatening. As much as Mom was proud of my accomplishments, she still was threatened by me at times. But that was her crap, not mine.

I understand now that the feeling of less than, not enough, and other forms of lack are taught to us. We are not born this way. We learn very, very young that there’s only a finite amount of (fill in the blank) money, love, success, abundance to go around. We are taught limitation and lack. We create deeply held beliefs about limitation and lack, and because they are created when we are very tiny, we don’t even know that we can shift this crap. We can toss it out the window like a dirty snot-rag onto the highway of life.

Can you imagine what life would feel and look like if you knew that there are no limits, and there is plenty to go around for everyone? The world has loved to tell us otherwise, but they lie through their own programming. Close your human eyes and let your spirit remind that little child that they are fabulous. They are creative as hell. They are scrappy little buggers who will do what they have to in order to survive, grow up, and live a life. And it’s time for them to know themselves as the spark of all creation, the spark of life, and the spark of love that they are.

Robert, thank you so very much for inspiring me this morning, and I am wrapping that little boy inside you, with a big, fuzzy, soft, warm, peach blanket of love, that he will soon remember how truly amazing he is.

How To Create World Peace

After becoming inspired by some fellow bloggers, I delved into the topic of why we hold onto our hurts. To follow the entire thread of my thought process, here’s where my thoughts first rambled. In it, I went down the rabbit hole of what’s going on when someone criticizes us, if we just can’t put the pain down.

Along the journey of figuring out how to heal my pains, I’ve discovered that the way to change an old belief that doesn’t work for me anymore, is to change my perception of the event that created the belief in the first place. And because subconscious beliefs live in another space-time dimension, they must be accessed by tuning into where they live. I do this using meditation and hypnotherapy. They work for me.

One of my favorite teachers, Bashar, reminded me that events in our lives are inherently neutral. We, with our band of merry emotions (and not so merry), ascribe meaning and value to these events. In changing the meaning and value of a specific event, we can let go of pain.

During my young years, as I grew up in a household where I experienced a pain, I created beliefs in an attempt to feel better about myself.  These beliefs formed as a direct result of my family, and were proportional to how out of whack my family members were.

When you grow up with lots of crappy and untrue beliefs tucked away in your psyche and body, they act out in lots of not so great ways. They’ve affected my behavior and my health. The older I’ve grown, and the more I change, the louder these old, dissonant beliefs and their corresponding disconnected bits of myself, cry out to be healed. Pieces of me that were left by the wayside want to come home.

Every time I denied my divine soul, in every way, shape, and form, a part of me became left behind, blocked from the whole, left in the dark. I denied myself by not honoring myself. By not listening to my intuition. By blowing off that part of me that is my direct connection to Source Energy and All That Is.  Every time I shut out my divine self, a little (or not so little) piece of me became stuck wherever she was. In whatever temporal space-time dimension she experienced splitting off from the whole of me.

Why did I not honor myself and my intuition? Survival. During one of my (hypnosis) healing sessions, a few years back, I can still remember when it was revealed to me what had happened when I was very young, that was crying out to be healed. As I followed the threads of feelings, images began to come into focus. Finally, an entire scene played out, and I realized that I had made a conscious choice at one point in my very young life to subjugate my will to that of my mother’s. I realized that life would be less painful if I went along with what she wanted, and if I didn’t speak or act out my truth. I blew myself off. My divine, beautiful, sparkly, bright, very young, self.

When I did that, a big part of me fractured from the rest. Some people refer to it as having a shadow. To me, it feels like I lost part of myself for a while. But that day, she came home to me.

Healing your life is one giant soul retrieval, with many bits and pieces becoming lost along the way of our youth, to end up calling to our adult selves to go back and rescue them. These are the pieces that call us stupid, slow, fat, lazy, defective, less than. They are the pieces that criticize us, and speak to us in less than loving language. When you notice that voice within you that is unhappy and critical, understand that what you’re hearing is the voice of a belief that was created a very long time ago, and one that NO LONGER RESONATES WITH YOU. That is why they are uncomfortable.

When that voice calls you lazy, it’s the voice of someone else who put the thought and belief into your head. It’s not your authentic self. When that voice calls you trash, it’s not your divine authentic self, either. The most insidious lost bits of your soul might not show up as condescending and critical voices in your head, but rather as illness and disease in your body.

When we block the energy of Divine Source from ourselves, this can create disease and dysfunction in not only our emotional selves, but our physical bodies as well. I saw this when I healed diabetes in my body. I had not learned how to love myself and spent a lifetime restricting the flow of love to my heart. I literally saw it looking bruised, black and blue, and very, very sad. With that flow of love opened back up, my heart was reconnected and instantly became joyous and healthy. And diabetes is no longer a part of my life.

With each reunion, we experience relief and release. We get to know ourselves more and more. And we let go of more and more judgments and beliefs that we’ve carried that no longer serve us well. We experience more and more freedom and peace. Our brain chatter that can be so negative, changes. And our physical health can improve as well.

I ascribe to the belief that we exist in a holographic universe. One of the properties of a hologram is that every single discrete piece of a hologram contains the entire picture or pattern shown as the whole.

If you have a hologram of a four-leaf clover and you break the hologram in half, each half will show a complete four-leaf clover. If you break those pieces in half again, every single piece will show a complete four-leaf clover. And so on.

It’s where we get expressions like “as above, so below” and “as within, so without”. And it explains how, as I’ve witnessed the release of patterns in my life, once the knot that held the pattern in place was undone, it allowed the threads of the pattern to completely unravel. I’ve seen it like pulling a thread in a sweater, and the entire sweater unraveled, becoming the yarn from which it was created. Changing one tiny piece of the whole, changed the entire pattern, dissolving it in moments.

As we bring all these lost bits and pieces back to ourselves, we change. How we perceive the world and interact within it changes in kind. Our world literally changes.

This, my friends, is how to create world peace. As you create peace inside the world of you, it has no choice but to extend outwards, affecting everything in your life. And how is peace brought through this process? Love, acceptance, compassion, empathy, and forgiveness. As within, so without. As above, so below. Because the world is energetically a hologram, as you heal your hurts, the effect ripples out to the entire world.

When Something Comes Up, I Heal It

These days, I’ve not only discovered this wonderful thing called energy healing, but I’ve now got about six years worth of experiences under my belt. What I mean is, about six years ago, when I had a spiritual awakening, I began to seek out intuitives and energy healers to help me with my life.

During the past several years, I’ve had many experiences that have taught me, and are still teaching me not only about healing myself, but about how the world works, and my place in it.

When there is something in my life that is uncomfortable, and continues to come up, I now know that I can create change, a shift. And in doing so, whatever was causing the discomfort can leave. I can heal it. This can be emotions and feelings, or with my physical body.

I understand that my life and my body is a creation that I have a huge part in creating. I am understanding more and more just how I create things in my life through beliefs I hold.

Because I’ve now had many experiences of digging up emotional triggers and pain, I’ve seen what was causing them, and know that old beliefs that I held about myself, were the issue. The thing is, figuring out what’s causing a trigger is best done in an altered state of consciousness, simply because a trigger is caused by an unconscious thought (belief). I use hypnotherapy and guided meditation most often. I’ve also used intuitive healers, who can see underlying causes that are not available to my conscious mind.

For physical issues, I’ve worked with medical intuitives. They are fantastic. And my current naturopath is also an intuitive healer as well as a chiropractor.

About two and a half years ago, my regular naturopath (it was before I met the intuitive one) diagnosed me with diabetes. My blood sugar had been a little bit high for several years, but it was absolutely in the diabetic range at that point. I’d learned enough about energy healing by then that it occurred to me to look into why things were off kilter, using hypnotherapy. You see, our bodies are designed to be self-healing. If a body becomes sick, there is a reason. With illnesses that pass like a cold or flu, I now see being sick, or catching a bug, as a way for an energetic block in the body to be dissolved or alleviated.

Back in the spring of 2014 I had a hypnotherapy session looking at diabetes in my body. What came up was amazing to me. My heart was battered and bruised, and I had never learned to love myself. The healing that happened that day, in combination with a shift in my diet, healed the diabetes. Because our bodies exist as dense objects (unlike our energetic spirit), although I healed the reason my body developed diabetes in a moment, it took my body another six months to show healthy blood sugar levels. And they’ve been healthy ever since. (It takes time for the cells in your body to die off and replicate with the new energetic template). Yes, part of the healing has involved changing the way I eat, but without doing the energy healing part, diabetes would still be in my energy field. It’s now gone.

Back in the summer of 2015, it occurred to me to try using hypnotherapy to heal chronic acid reflux I’d been dealing with for about seven years at that point. Here’s the description of the session: what came up and what was healed.  It had to do with being verbally wounded by my mother when I was a young child. My body responded fairly quickly, and the reflux was gone within a few months. These day, reflux (and the meds I took every day for years) isn’t a part of my life anymore.

Last summer, I sought out a healer I had worked with only one time in early 2011. Because the session I had with him created so much healing for my back, I’d wanted to have another session with him ever since. Finally, this past summer, I had the opportunity to fly to Florida for a few days and have two sessions with him, while I visited with a dear girlfriend. He has grown his abilities quite a bit over the past several years, and the amount of high frequency energy he channels and sent through me was huge. In fact, I became so ambitious that when I got home, I grabbed my son and flew back to Florida for a few weeks, so I could have another few sessions, and so my son could receive healing as well.

One thing I didn’t realize about this particular healer, is that his ego is so big, it blinds him. He’s so caught up with clearing everything out of a person that is not their pure divine soul, that he’s not mindful of creating chaos in the physical body. In coercing my body to energetically release too much too fast, it put my gallbladder into a state of crisis. I am still having to provide first aid to my body until all of the energetic shifts work their way through, and so far, it’s been six months. I won’t need to see that healer again.

I’ve been working with my naturopathic doctors on this issue. After having an ultrasound, my two naturopaths gave me differing advice on how to proceed (one of them has some additional training that gave me the option of keeping my gallbladder). Although it will be more work, I decided to go with my intuitive naturopath’s treatment plan: to support my body and allow it to heal. Because even if I had my gallbladder taken out, if I don’t heal what caused the crisis, illness is very likely to crop up elsewhere.

He’s got me on vitamins and supplements to support my body while it’s in crisis, and most importantly, he’s able to determine what foods I need to steer clear of while I heal. (I’m getting quite a lesson in food and my body). As well as my wonderful doctor, I have received acupuncture treatments to help my energy flow better.

About a month after my gallbladder acted up quite badly, I finally got together with my hypnotherapist and looked into it. Because the liver and gallbladder work hand in hand, the session addressed both liver and gallbladder. What came up this time, took me to not only my childhood, but took me back to a previous lifetime when I was a soldier who died on the battlefield. The beliefs that came up were about living in authenticity.

So, even though I am not thrilled about having a touchy gallbladder, forcing things to the surface pushed me to do the healing work so I wouldn’t have to have my gallbladder out. And it has been a huge learning experience on a few levels.

I’ve noticed that as I use hypnotherapy for issues in my life and heal them, I am changing. So are my hypnotherapy sessions. The information that comes through to me has more depth and complexity and clarity these days. As I heal things I no longer need to have in my energy field, I am literally clearing away darkness in all its forms. The light that I am is able to shine more brightly and more clearly.

Triggers are disappearing. Reactions to people who hurt me in the past, are dissolving. My patience and tolerance for everyone, including myself, is increasing. My love of and for self, and my connection to divine source are all getting stronger all the time. My relationships are deepening. And because so much anger is gone, the peace in my heart is more prevalent than ever.

As with a snowball rolling down a hill, growing larger as it rolls, as I create healing and evolve, my ability to affect healing increases and evolves. It’s been quite a trip. And the best part is, as with all energy, as I heal and affect my energy field, it ripples out and affects those around me, whose energies affect those around them, and so on. It affects the world. Working on yourself will affect more than just yourself, and you won’t have to DO anything other than be yourself and follow your curiosity and excitement. Beautiful!

Where is this all going? I’m not sure, and frankly, the further I go, the less I’m concerned with any sort of destination. I see that healing things in my life is more of a journey or an adventure, creating new lenses to see through. It’s dropping lenses of judgment and conditionality. And it’s creating a new way of walking in the world and relating to life. Walking in my most authentic shoes.

Do I still get upset about things and experience fear, doubt, frustration and sadness? You bet! That’s part of why we’re here: to experience the full range of emotions and feel them, not stuff them. I move through them faster and with much more ease than before, and rarely stuff them. When seem to get stuck, it’s a signal to me to take a look at what’s going on. Life is an adventure if you choose to see it that way.

What Exactly Is Healing?

When I was first introduced to energy healing back in the spring of 2010, I had no idea what energy therapy or energy healing was. The first practitioner I worked with, who called herself and Energy Therapist, taught me about energy as she worked on me. With her work, I had experiences of things like reduced back pain and cravings for dairy foods that went away. This weird mystical thing actually did something and produced results.

She taught me that as well as having a physical body, we human beings also carrying an energy field that goes through our body and extends beyond it. She also taught me that we can hold onto emotions in our energy field, and these stuck emotions can block up our energy.

This first woman, who is extremely intuitively gifted, was able to “read” my energy field. She could intuitively see things about my energy, and help me to let go of stuck emotions that were causing pain or discomfort. It seemed like I just sat there as she did all the work.

A year later, in the spring of 2011, I became Reiki attuned and soon thereafter had a spiritual awakening. With that, my interest in energy healing and all things spiritual took off like a rocket. I obsessively read and watched videos online, learning and soaking up information like a sponge in the desert that just came across a five gallon bucket of water. I couldn’t absorb it all fast enough.

Since then, I’ve been to several different classes and workshops to learn about healing and about connecting to spirit and Source (God). Through these classes, I had experiences that would help me learn to trust my intuition, and would introduce me to the world of spirit.

Energy healing works at the level of our energy field, which I see as being intimately interwoven with our physical tissues. Our energy field also exists beyond our physical body, making up our aura. Because this energy is our spirit, it’s also called spiritual healing. This energy field is the template from which our physical body is created, and it’s where emotions can become “stuck”.

You can hold old emotions in the energy of places in your body, like your stomach, liver, joints, neck, or a toe. I’ve released energy in healing sessions from my heart, stomach, liver, gallbladder, left shoulder, my neck, and more. And I’ve released energies from a toe and a foot when I broke them (a talented intuitive friend saw this and told me).

Change the template, or blueprint, and the physical body responds in kind. But because energy can shift in a moment and physical cells take time to divide, replicate, die, and be disposed of, it takes time for the energetic shift to show up in the body. Changes show up with our emotions much quicker.

As much as I learned from having a few healers work on me, and from reading and watching interviews and lectures, it’s been mostly through my adventures in hypnotherapy that I’ve learned just what healing is. What it means, and what it looks and feels like.

Today, in the simplest terms, I’d call healing a letting go of something that no longer resonates with your true authentic self. And healing happens through experience. You can’t think a healing. It happens at an energetic level. It’s going back to the root of an issue and finding the perspective that allows you to instantly let go whatever is keeping the issue in place (most often an old, subconscious belief, that can be under layers of anger or fear).

One of my favorite sessions showed me that the world around me is a mirror to my own beliefs and thoughts about myself. When I see something in another person, it’s because I hold that same belief about myself.

A while back, I began to notice a pattern in my life. When I would sit down to help my son with his homework and he became blocked and unable to work, I’d become more and more frustrated until I’d blow. After more than a few years of dealing with this, I recognized the signs of immanent eruption, and would disengage from the struggle before my top would blow. That’s called learning coping skills. It’s a form of managing your feelings, and comes in very handy in life. But coping and managing is not healing.

Then came sixth grade, the year from hell. There weren’t enough coping skills in the world for that year. About that time, I’d also had enough experiences with hypnotherapy that I realized this was an issue I could look into and possibly heal. It was time to look into why I kept reacting so badly to this recurring situation.

During the hypnosis session, I was directed to picture the scene of my son and I sitting down to do his homework, and allow my feelings of frustration to rise back up.  I saw us sitting at our dining room table, him unable to do his work, and me becoming more and more frustrated and pissed off. In hypnosis, my true feelings were easily able to come up. I felt the words, “what’s the matter with you? Why can’t you do this? What’s wrong? Are you defective or something?” (I noticed that I was so adept at stuffing my true feelings down, that these thoughts never even got as far as my conscious mind when I was with my son).

A moment later, my son’s head turned into a mirror and I was suddenly looking at myself. I instantly knew that all the feelings that I’d directed towards my son were actually thoughts I held about myself. Whoa!

(Any time someone gets my hackles up, I now know that it’s actually something inside of me that is crying out to be let go. It’s not really about them. They are merely the activator for my “stuff”. The same goes for someone who becomes activated by me. I’m not making them mad, sad, irritated. There is something living in them that needs to be healed).

When my hypnotherapist asked me where these thoughts came from, in an instant I was looking at a scene of my mother yelling at a very young me. When I was very little, I saw that she directed those thoughts toward me, if not directly with her words, with her energy.

And in a flash of knowledge downloaded into my head, I knew that the truth was that these were thoughts that my mother held about herself! I ended up taking them on as my own.

When I was a little girl, there was nothing inherently wrong with me. I was a beautiful, sparkly, child of the divine. But I took on the belief that I was defective; that there was something wrong with me. Looking at the creation of the belief through my current adult eyes, I instantly saw that the belief that “I am defective” is not true. That little girl who lives inside of me had been holding onto the belief (essentially stuck in time). And every time something came up that stimulated it, I would become reactive.

In the instant of knowing my truth about the old situation, the old belief dissolved. I let it go. It’s permanently gone. It was healed.

No more trigger. It’s gone, gone, gone. Forever.

The next time the same situation came up, instead of becoming frustrated, I felt an eerie emptiness instead. Like a black hole. It was so weird that I busted out laughing, and so did my son.

When I talk about letting go of things that are not the real me, this is what I’m talking about. Over the past few years, during sessions, I’ve uncovered many beliefs that I created when I was a child, and they were all created so I could survive. Without exception, when an old belief clashes with current beliefs, it creates a dissonance that you can feel.

It becomes triggered in situations, causing reactions, some very extreme, as in the case of PTSD. When a child experiences trauma, they create beliefs in order to survive. And these beliefs are so tremendously incongruous with their true authentic selves, that when they grow up and their survival isn’t in danger anymore, the dissonance becomes intolerable and very painful. The trigger experiences can become severe.

One of the most triggering relationships that a person can have is the parent/child relationship. As the parent of a child with “issues” I have been triggered and triggered, repeatedly by my son. Now that I know what I know, every trigger is actually something within me that needs to be healed. And I’m doing the work, healing all of the old wounds and crappy beliefs I created (in order to survive), so I’m not triggered any more. (At least, not nearly as much – it’s a process). It’s making me a much better parent, and a happier person in general. (Thank you son for not being an easy, compliant kid).

As I’ve healed these old beliefs, I’m resonating more and more with my true authentic self, which I now know is non-judgmental, completely accepting, unconditionally loving and very powerful. I’m feeling more and more like me, without all of the crap on top. I have much fewer painful reactions in life, and there is so much more peace in my heart. It’s been and is being an amazing process.

The Impermanence of Life

I was just realizing that so much about life is impermanent. In fact, because we are energy and our lives are a creation of our energy, the more we can allow things to flow, the healthier life is and better we feel.

Think about it. Every moment of every day, our bodies are being recreated over and over. Cells die, cells divide and are recreated, and they die again. On a much slower scale, people are born and then die, and are born again.

Other things that live, like plants and trees, go through this cycle as well. Even rocks break down over time, until they are tiny grains of sand. And at some point, when they make it back to Earth’s core, they are melted back down and spewed back up again as lava. Or minerals are dissolved by water, to be carried away and dry out to form a different shape in another place.

Everything about our physical lives involves the flow of creation and destruction.

Even our emotions, the compass that guides us through life, aren’t meant to be static. Just try to hang onto happiness for a solid week. You’ll be able to hang onto it for a while, and then something will come up and rub up against something in you, causing the happiness to fade for a while. But it comes back.

Because we, as humans, carry a survival instinct,  our brains haven’t gotten the message that as much as we are designed to feel emotions, we aren’t supposed to hold onto them. Our physical brains and bodies hold onto experiences that are perceived as a potential threat to our existence. As a child, my own body was steeped in fear as a survival mechanism. It kept me alive.

One way we hang onto certain feelings is by creating a belief around it. As a child, when we have good experiences, the feelings flow through us. We feel the joy, the happiness, and the laughter, and we let it flow. It’s wonderful! There is no holding onto it because there is no need. We move through positive experiences with grace and ease.

But when something happens to us that doesn’t feel good, and threatens us, our brains must make sense of why this is happening. The brain needs to know why, so it creates a story that is satisfactory to it. Because so very much of this happens we are very tiny, these stories become a part of our unconscious mind very early on.

A very common story that our brains come up with is, “this painful thing happened to me, and I don’t know why.  I must be bad, or lazy, or defective.” Voila! A new belief is born. I am a bad girl. Unless someone changes that perception, the belief will be accepted, verified, and filed away in the unconscious mind for life. (Or until it’s discovered and healed).

In fact, when an experience happens that is so very far from our core essence, it can cause a fissure or crack in our sense of self. In order for our brains to make sense of what happened, the explanation (that becomes a belief) moves a bit of our understanding of who we are, so far away from our core essence, that it’s like we have lost a piece of ourselves. I’ve seen the result in myself appearing as a shadow, or some form of darkness or blackness.

That is one of the most damaging aspects of hanging onto something, like a belief that goes against our true divine nature. This scenario literally stops a piece of our energetic flow. And how does nature take care of a block in flow? It creates chaos.

Picture a river beautifully flowing. Small sticks and leaves flow down with no problem. But when a tree falls over, water has to find its way around the trunk and branches. The water slows, but doesn’t stop. A while later, another tree falls, blocking sticks, that catch leaves, that stops sand and gravel. Eventually enough trees, sticks, leaves, sand, and gravel have gotten caught, damming up the river. There comes a point when the water pressure overcomes the dam, finally blasting them out of the way.

Blockages in flow can exist for only so long, until nature creates enough chaos to blast the clog out of the pipe (or burst the pipe).

If you can imagine the blocked energy of fear as a yarn that has been knitted into a specific holographic pattern of fabric like a chain stitch, when the fabric is no longer needed, if you can figure out how to get that first bit of yarn loose, the entire weave of fabric will let go and undo itself, like pulling that one yarn in a chain stitch. The energy of creation is holographic. As you change one tiny piece of the hologram, the rest of it changes in response.

Because energy can neither be created nor destroyed, as the fabric is unwoven, the yarn is purified, balled up, and is knitted as something else, for someone else. It might become part of someone else’s body, or someone might need to gather it up and knit it into a pattern of anger that they decide to wear for a while, until they no longer need it and it unravels once again.

Energy that has been slowed in its flow shows up in our bodies as fear, pain, disease, and more. It shows up as beliefs that support the creation of fear, pain and disease. And the really cool thing about knowing this is, when you figure out how to assist nature in dismantling the dam, you can heal disease and emotional dysfunction.

In a recent healing session I was able to see, in my mind’s eye, a blackness around my neck and shoulders. As I tuned into it, I picked up on anxiety. Following that thread of anxiety, asking questions of it, I was intuitively given answers that let me know that this blackness represented anxiety and fear that I “wore” as it morphed into a knitted turtleneck sweater that stopped just below my shoulders. I was able to know how I picked up this anxiety in my life and what purpose it served – it was initially with me to protect my life from being hung and decapitated, but lately has been blocking me from trusting in my own creative process. (Creativity and expression of the self is associated with an energy center at our throat).

Understanding that this turtleneck was no longer serving me well, and I no longer needed it, I figured out how to get that first little bit of yarn to unravel: trust in the process and not get bogged down on the how it would happen. Archangel Michael, who was with me, gathered up the yarn as it unraveled, taking it back to the realm of pure love, where the energy was transmuted and made ready to be knitted into something else, for someone else. As the process happened, the knowledge of the process became to clear to me.

Eventually, when our soul’s journey is complete for this lifetime, it figures out a way to stop the flow of our energy to the human body to the extent that the life force is completely withdrawn, usually by creating disease or an accident that the body can’t recover from. This allows the energetic patterns that weaved our bodies to unravel and go back to the pool of energy that knits all creations. This pool of energy that I call God.

It creates us, and is us.

The journey of the soul is to have experiences through our human body to get to know every facet of ourselves. Expansion. The evolution of human life is to help the body let go of everything it creates to keep us alive that is no longer serving us. It’s to discover things that block our flow and heal them. As we do this, our consciousness shifts, our awareness shifts, and more and more we can live in our human bodies, knowing ourselves as our soul: our true authentic selves.

My Relationship With Jesus

This post was inspired by this time of year and by a question I was asked several years ago, by a friend. She asked me if Jesus was my Lord and Savior. She believes that if I don’t believe as she does, then I won’t get into heaven. At the time, I didn’t share her very same belief, and really couldn’t answer her very intelligently. So, I asked her if I were born a child in the jungles of Africa, and never heard of or learned about a man called Jesus, would I be damned to hell when I died? If I lived a life treating others well and with kindness, would I still be damned to hell, simply because I didn’t know about a man called Jesus? She said yes. All I could do in the moment was say that I believed otherwise. But I didn’t quite know what I believed because it wasn’t really on my radar back then.

I didn’t believe that there is a place we call heaven that we can either gain entry into or be barred from by some external force. And I still don’t. Today, I understand “heaven” as a state of consciousness that we either allow ourselves to experience or not. It depends on our beliefs and how strongly we hold onto them.

And about Jesus being my Lord and Savior, those particular words, in the manner that they were conveyed to me, make me feel like a peasant who looks up to him for everything, as if everything I have and everything I am were dependent solely on him. It gives me no responsibility or authority or autonomy over my own spirit or life. News flash! The only one who can “save” you is you. And in truth, no one needs saving. There is nothing to be saved, and nothing to be saved from (except you).

In the eyes of God, we are already perfect by virtue of existing. In my experience of God, there is nothing to forgive. That is a human concept that is generated by being a human, and requires judgment. And as such, is healed (or forgiven) by the human in us. Forgiveness is a releasing of carrying blame, shame, and guilt. No one can do that for you. Just you. Because God is pure love without any judgment, he doesn’t do the forgiving, but in the presence of the overwhelmingly intense energy of God, our letting go of all self-judgment can be instantaneous.

At this time of year, with Christmas coming up, everyone’s thoughts (at least, everyone in my world) turn to the story of Christmas as we were told through our various religions. And with that, in the Christian tradition, today’s version of Christmas is that it is the day of Jesus’ birth. There are some scholars out there who will tell you that December 25 is actually not the day that Jesus was born, but I don’t think it really matters the precise day. What matters is that a person walked this earth who helped usher in Christ Consciousness.

Jesus was an avatar for the Christ Consciousness that I strive to embody. There have been others.

I have an interesting relationship with Jesus, because it exists on different levels at the same time. Allow me to explain. Growing up, I didn’t learn a whole lot about the man, Jesus. I never formed a relationship with the person I was told about in church, or even with the idea of him. (Church wasn’t something we did regularly, except for Christmas and Easter). I’ve heard a few stories about the man who lived a few thousand years ago, and from what I’ve learned as an adult, those stories have not necessarily been passed down exactly as they happened at the time. We all know how when news spreads, it changes slightly with each new telling. What’s true of the stories and what is not true is something that is not important to me.

Did Jesus walk on water, turn water into wine, and perform other miracles? He might have. As a master at understanding and using energy, he might have been able to instantly manifest things out of thin air, and perform other feats. There are people in today’s world that I’ve read about, who can defeat gravity by floating in air, and a woman I met who spoke of being able to breathe fire during a metaphysical workshop she attended. I believe that Jesus might have been able to work with energy to this level, especially considering the level of consciousness that he was born with. But if he actually did or not, is not of utmost importance to me.

Although, his ability to instantly manifest his thoughts into the physical, and how he did this, is still understood and known primarily in metaphysical circles. I believe I understand the tenants of how to do it, yet I don’t have the ability.

Through a past life regression, I witnessed a lifetime I lived when Jesus walked the earth. During that life, I had a child who was going to die, and I took them to Jesus, where I witnessed the healing of my child. During the process of healing, I saw the most intense energy coming from Jesus, and the energy carried the vibration of love. I could see the love blasting out from his chest, like cannon fire, and whatever it was that was causing my child to be unwell couldn’t withstand this love, and my child was made well.

During that life, I learned the ultimate power of love, and that the only thing that is real is love, and that love is eternal.

My personal relationship with Jesus began only a few years ago as a result of having an experience with his energy during a healing session. I was in the middle of a hypnosis session and in my mind’s eye, I could see thick, goopy, black tar coming out of my heart, leaving me. All of a sudden, Jesus appeared right in front of me, standing with is hands out, beckoning me to give all of the blackness to him. He very specifically told me to give every last little bit of it to him, and to not hold onto even one little piece. He could and would take it all. And I knew that he did.

In that moment, I was completely blown away. I did as he said, and gave it all to him.

Since that time, I have come to understand, through teachings and through my own experiences, that Jesus was just one avatar for Christ Consciousness. And that level of consciousness recognizes that we are all one. We, as spirit, emanate from one Source, and are always connected to that one Source. The Source Energy that creates us and that is us, is that which I have no one name for, but I’ll call it love for simplicity’s sake, because that’s what it feels like (and a lot more). I also call it God because that’s how people best relate to it in my culture.

Jesus came to wake us all up, to teach us how to live and create as we do in spirit, in heaven, by living through the lens of our hearts and love. He started by showing us that we are eternal spirit, living in physical bodies. His life of teachings and the stories of his healings and miracles, demonstrates what we are all capable of. These things he did, we can do, and more. He even supposedly said so.

He understood that when you want to manifest something into your life, you simply know that it already exists and is already yours, and you hold absolutely zero belief (conscious, or unconscious) otherwise. On top of that, holding no expectation or belief on how it should come to you, brings it that much faster. He evidently got this down in spades.

When you live through your heart, you understand that your actions affect others, and you understand that when you act from a place of love, a place of absolute highest intention, no matter how it is received, that is THE WAY.

Energetically speaking, love carries the highest vibration. When you put out the intention of love, that is what the world mirrors back to you. (If someone isn’t able to accept that love, it’s because of something within them, and that’s their journey to discover and heal).

When you live with Christ Consciousness, you understand that the best way to make decisions is through the lens of your heart. Especially when it comes to the big, important decisions, let your various choices sit in your heart and see which one feels best. Which one feels right. The head and brain often lie because they produce fear-based reactions. The heart can only produce love. (Don’t get me wrong, you can carry fear in your chest, but it wasn’t produced from the heart).

The brain gets caught up in survival instinct because it only knows us as a physical body. It is within and through the heart that we connect to spirit, to our energetic Source, and as such, our hearts only know love. It receives only love and emanates only love. It is through our hearts that we know we are eternal beings, and as such never fear death.

I think all fear, ultimately comes down to the fear of death. And that is a human construct that comes from our brain. The purpose it serves is not a small one: survival. Experiencing fear is a necessary thing to keep our physical bodies alive. But holding onto fear, carrying it with us, is what makes us sick and brings dysfunction into our lives. We were designed to allow emotions to flow through us, not to keep them stuck in us.

Jesus came to teach us that we are ultimately eternal beings. To not fear death. And to live life through the lens of the heart, to live a life of love. I have been told that there are other important teachings, and that several of his teachings have been suppressed, and I believe it. However, that’s one of those things that I won’t really know until I experience it first hand. And one day, when I have another past life regression hypnosis session, I intend to take a look at what other things I learned from the man.



Life As A Paradox

The idea for this post was inspired from my previous post about our life’s path being a spiral. I invite you to read it here.

Some of my favorite teachers are ones who don’t have a physical body here in the third dimension.  And as I was listening to one of them the other week, something that was said stuck with me. He spoke about paradox as being a point of power. My simplified definition of paradox is, two disparate ideas that at some level work together.

From Bashar’s teachings, “If you can understand things that appear to be opposites at the same time, that means you have to be at the center of those two things. They have to both be coming from you. Therefore it positions you squarely at the center, the balance point, which is your point of power.”

In this short video, Bashar explains how to use the concept of the power of paradox when it comes to manifesting things into your life. He explains how we both have to fully focus on the thing we want to see in our life, to know deeply that it will come to us, and to then completely let go of how it will come to us. The “how” of life is something we often think we know and understand, by virtue of looking backwards at patterns that have shown up in our life. But, the reality is, the “how” we create is best left to our higher selves. When you understand the paradox of putting your entire focus on something and then letting it go in order for it to show up, you understand the mechanism of manifesting.

When you have the perspective of being able to understand a paradox, you are doing what I call thinking in levels, or thinking in several different dimensions at the same time. I was first introduced to this idea when I was back in college, struggling to find direction in my life After having made a very difficult decision to switch my major to something other than biology, pre-med, I stumbled upon a sociology class. You see, for years, I wanted to grow up and be a doctor; someone who helped people for a living. It didn’t entertain my young and limited mind that there are millions of ways to grow up and help people.

In that sociology class, we were given the scenario of a couple in love, and one of the two decided to go away to school, so they wouldn’t see each other for a few months at a time. One way of looking at the separation was “absence makes the heart grow fonder”, while the other perspective was “out of sight, out of mind”. Two different and diametrically opposed views of one scenario.

What having a spiritual awakening did for me, was give me that alternate perspective of how to view my life. It gave me an explanation for why things happen, when there seemed to be no explanation here at the physical level of reality. And it gave me a paradigm in which I’ve been able to create a lot of healing for myself. Learning to be comfortable with paradox, seeing the paradox from different angles and perspectives until I understood, has been my best skill/ gift in life.

I think that being a woman, with a feminine perspective in life has helped me get to this point faster than being a man with a masculine perspective in life. As a woman, my thinking is naturally not as linear as a man’s (in general). It’s easier for me to think in circles and squares, and upside down and inside out. A person who is locked into linear thinking isn’t as flexible with how they perceive the world. It’s more difficult for them to entertain ideas that challenge their status quo.

One of the things I so love about my life is that to get to this point, for me to see and fully understand one of my superpowers, all it took was following the breadcrumbs. I took one breadcrumb that I found a while back, and while looking at a new breadcrumb that I liked, but something about it rubbed me the wrong way, it took the first breadcrumb to fully understand exactly why I was having trouble with something about the new breadcrumb.

In plain English, I stumbled upon Bashar’s teachings a year or two ago, and they really resonated with me. I’ve watched several of his videos online, and very recently, seeing him speak about paradox sang out inside of me in a big way. Also, I came across someone less than a month ago, online, who intrigued me quite a bit. Their story very much fascinated me, and grabbed my attention. But there was something about the story that rubbed me the wrong way. When something does that, I want to know why, so I can see what it is inside of me that is unhappy. I hung in with this new breadcrumb, experiencing it a while longer, literally reading this person’s story as described in their book.

I finally figured out what’s bothered me so much, and as part of that process, I discovered one of my superpowers. My master ninja skill in seeing perspectives.

This person had an otherworldly experience that shattered his perception of his world in a matter of mere minutes. When life as you know it suddenly changes because of having an experience that you’ve never heard of and no one talked about back when it happened to this fellow, how do you even begin to come up with a language for it, or way of explaining it without sounding crazy?

To explain the unexplainable, we often turn to either science or religion. Because of the nature of his experience, he turned to religion. It was something he knew, and a language that was familiar.  Imagine bringing a person from the stone age into your home and trying to explain all your wireless tech gadgets to him.

Through the lens of a variety of religions and faiths, he studied and learned, developed a language to describe what happened to him, and came into his truth. And from that truth, he’s gone on to help many, many people. He helps them by stretching their perspective of life and death. He is able to assure people that in death, heaven exists and that it is beautiful, and that, as much as we are all imperfect and are sinners by definition, God will forgive us of our sins when we get there, because that is exactly what he experienced. For so many people, believing that there is something after death is a huge stretch. It’s the biggest fear that most people carry around. And I love that he’s out there spreading the word that death is not the end. It’s truly beautiful.

What bothered me was, part of his truth, that came about from how he processed what happened to him, differs from my truth. And I see how that part of his truth, that detail, if it were mine, would continue to cause discomfort in me. I see that I try on other people’s truth to see how they fit, how they feel. As much as I’ve had my own experiences with God and of God, his truth didn’t quite fit. It felt a bit constricting for me.

What bothers me is that his truth separates God from me. And his truth paints me as imperfect, and as such, a sinner (because only God is perfect in his eyes). I completely understand how a person would create these beliefs; especially when in experiencing God, it appeared as being separate in some way. Because religion views God as an entity separate from us, it would stand to reason that a religious perspective of death, even in the face of an experience, would include the concept of God as other than us.

But I am a master of seeing things from different levels at the same time, and because I’ve learned how to see life from several different perspectives, including the perspective of everything as energy and frequency, it has led me to different truths. In fact, because of being killed in other lifetimes by people who justified their killing in the name of their beliefs and the bible (Salem Witch Trials), the language of religion and the bible has always left a sour taste in my mouth.

One of the big things I’ve been healing, has been a tremendous amount of fear I’ve carried because of being killed for being completely connected to the divine. For being able to see and know things that there was no explanation for.

My own truths about God and perfection involve being comfortable with paradox. My truth about God is that yes, as a human being, I see God is a thing separate from me. I was raised to see God as a loving, fatherly figure. And yet, I’ve had experience after experience showing me, letting me know that I am but a spark of the divine, a part of that incredible, indescribable energy, and as such I AM it. I am an integral part of Source Energy, God. I am the part that is manifested into this physical human female body. I am the part that is having a human experience, with all that entails. These days, I can’t understand God as a singular entity that exists only outside of myself. It no longer works for me.

And with the concept of perfection, there again, I know that as a human being, we define perfect as something unattainable. And yet, when my brain downloaded the spiritual perspective of perfection, it brought me a new peace and understanding. What was literally dumped into my brain was: “nothing is perfect except for creation”.  And after a short pause, I got, “and if you look around, everything around you, everything that exists, was created. And as such, everything is already perfect.”

Since that time, in mulling it over, I now know that when things have been manifested into the physical world from the world of spirit or energy, they are perfect by virtue of existing. That’s it. It takes a certain amount of energy, intention, and skill to create something in our physical world. (I got that last bit from listening to information from dead people). If something exists, it is not here by accident. You are not here by accident. The grass outside and chair in your home were created intentionally. There are NO accidents. (And I could go down the rabbit hole on that one).

I’ve learned that I get messages as I need them. And the message about perfection came to me because of having so many beliefs about myself being imperfect.  Beliefs that brought me pain, suffering, and even illness. I understand that in the eyes of God, everything around me is perfect simply because it has been made manifest. Because it exists here in the physical world. Period!

On the human level am I perfect? That depends. When I look at life through human eyes, the one thing that always enters in, is judgment. Humans always judge. Perfection at a human level always involves judgment. So, at a human level I am far from perfect. And how does that belief serve me? It leaves me with feelings of inadequacy, and feelings of being “less than”. Not very comfortable.

Because I’ve seen how these beliefs of imperfection (in my case, being defective) played out in my life, causing emotional pain, reactivity towards those I love, and yes, even physical illness, I now choose to craft my beliefs through the eyes of God and spirit. In order to heal something, I’ve had to find a perspective that feels better to me. A perspective that allows pain and suffering to be released. A perspective that has helped me heal a butt-ton of old beliefs, and let go of fear that my body has held onto.

There again, seeing how we carry things from our parents, through the energy of our physical DNA, and also how we carry wishes and experiences as a soul, expressed through different lifetimes, is a concept that involves being able to see things at different levels and yet existing and showing up at the one level of our physical world.

The one constant is energy. I have healed energetic threads that came down several generations through my mother (mother-daughter pattern of wounding), and also healed fear that I carried into this life from a past life where I was killed for being a suspected witch.

And the amazing thing is, as I have been able to release these human beliefs about myself, I am creating a new life. I am clearing away everything that is not the real me. I am clearing away miscreations, darkness, shadows, and whatever you want to call it.

I now see that this entire healing path has been a mission of the partnership between my human body and my spiritual soul. It has been way of experiencing life through the lens of the human body, with all of it’s animal survival instincts, while leading me to know the truth of myself as a spirit. To really get to know who I AM. Not the cloak I wear of a physical body, but the life source that animates it.

I have seen and know in every cell of my body that I am divine. I am love, compassion, strength, and every other feeling that hits me when I connect with Divine Source Energy: God. I am part of God, appearing as separate by virtue of my left brain. (Check out Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor’s experience of perceiving the world through only her right brain, when she had a stroke and remained conscious the entire time).

Understanding paradox is seeing things that initially seem dissonant, disparate, incongruous,  incompatible, and yet co-exist, and finding their common denominator. Taking two incompatible beliefs or ideas and discovering how they can both exist comfortably at the same time, creates a shift of understanding. And that shift not only takes me to a higher level of understanding, it is always accompanied by a feeling of peace.

My wish for you, during this time of holidays, and always, is peace deep inside you.