The Illusion of Time

One of the first things I learned about when interests in the afterlife and energy healing entered my life was how our perceptions here in the physical world are different from when we exist in spirit. And one essential difference between these worlds is how time functions.

Time here on Earth is a very real thing that you can set your watch by. Literally. As a person with a very logical mind, very left-brained, I’ve always had a keen awareness of time and could estimate its passage pretty well. If someone told me I had fifteen minutes left to finish a test in school, I understood it. I had a sense of fifteen minutes and what I could get done in that time frame.

As a former ship’s navigator, part of my job involved time: calculating voyage plans and when on watch being able to calculate when the ship would be at a certain place at a specific time. It was my job to make sure we could get from point A to point B on time, even if the two points were almost seven thousand miles apart. Yup. My longest voyage plan. And when we were entering into a port or leaving one, quickly calculating the time we’d be at certain positions for the captain was often my job.

The first time I experienced a significant distortion of time was when I discovered hypnosis. When I came out of what felt like about ten minutes in hypnosis, the actual time passed was around forty minutes. It blew my mind! Most of us experience time distortions regularly when we daydream or get lost in our thoughts. Or when we’re doing something we love. Because it’s such a part of everyday life, we don’t really think about time other than relating to a clock.

I’m perpetually fascinated by listening to people’s near-death experiences, and they often talk about having a detailed experience of the other side that felt like hours when in our reality only several minutes passed.

One of the things I love about energy healing is the disregard for time as we perceive it, other than being mindful of my practitioner’s time and being on time for an appointment. Energy healing in general acknowledges that we carry energy blockages that were created in the past. We intuitively see or pick up on time frames. One of my earlier hypnotic experiences had the hypnotherapist regress me back to the initiation of a feeling, and when I reached that point he asked me how old I was. Without even thinking, a number would pop instantly into my mind. Three years old, eighteen months old, three months old, in the womb, before I entered a physical body. It was mind-blowing!

I’d see a scene in my mind’s eye and be walked through a healing process. At the end of the process, not only would the block have been dissolved, but everything attached to it at different ages and stages would change as well like dominos falling or pulling a thread in a chain stitch. Things that happened decades ago, or even in another lifetime would finally be addressed and dissolved. Time wasn’t relevant.

One of the things this has taught me is that when I get upset about something in the here and now, it has legs to the past. Always. 100% of the time. And if I notice a pattern of becoming upset regularly in the same situation, I’ve now got the power to either try to change the situation or heal my own upset.

After doing a lot of healing work, I began to notice that sometimes my body would begin to react even before my healing session. You see, when I’m in a session I look for discomfort or a part of me who’s unhappy and putting up some form of resistance, which is why using hypnosis is a great tool. I’m detached enough from my body to notice things like physical tightness or my heart beginning to pound without needing to react. I become the observer. I go after these uncomfortable sensations to find out what’s at their root. And sometimes just before a healing session, I’d notice my body tensing up or getting irrationally nervous.

My relationship with food has become a good barometer for me. When I notice getting food cravings and wanting to nibble when I’m not physically hungry, there’s something inside that’s unhappy and is available to become healed. The past five years, being a constant barrage of things coming up to be healed, has been rough on my weight. I’ve gained quite a bit and over this past winter my eating has not only been not so great for my weight, but for my blood sugar as well.

After a recent medical check-up, I’ve been doubling down on my efforts to eat better. And yet the days post check-up have been plagued by food cravings. Cravings for a specific candy and wanting to nibble on salty and crunchy snacks even though I’d just eaten a meal have truly sucked.

I finally realized that what I’ll be addressing in an upcoming healing session is already trying to become known. Whatever part of my consciousness that’s been living deep down is rising up. And it’s affecting my relationship with food, my #1 challenge. Food has long been my medicine: the thing that once upon a time made the pain of life bearable. And as much healing as I’ve done specifically to do with food cravings, I think what’s coming up relates to food cravings but goes beyond them. My food cravings are a symptom of something deeper. Just like gaining weight is merely a symptom of something deeper.

And it won’t be long before I get some answers.

Musing About Energetic Portals

Today is the 2-2-22 energetic portal. It’s a big deal in the energetic realm, but since I’m not really into numerology or astrology, I’ll give you a few thoughts about it from a slightly different perspective. As someone who loves photography and who loves to look up at the sky and all the heavenly bodies, I sometimes track the phases of the moon. There’s nothing quite like the darkness of night lit up by a full moon, or a night so dark you can barely see your hand in front of your face, but you can see all the stars in the sky. And right now we’re just passed a new moon that happened January 31.

I also have an affinity to the ocean, having spent all my summer vacations as a kid by the ocean on the New England coast. Spending a lot of time puttering around in little boats, I was keenly aware of the tides and currents, and knew that the full moon brought higher high tides and lower low tides, which also caused greater currents. The overall range of tides and strength of currents during a full moon is the greatest.

Musing about the power of a new moon the other night I remembered that not only does the full moon bring a great tidal range and current, but so does a new moon. Hopping online, I found a great article about tidal variations from NOAA and learned that our sun influences tides, too. And one step further, the time of year also impacts tidal variations.

Our sun affects the tides somewhat, but our moon affects them more strongly. So, when the sun, moon, and earth are in alignment, tidal ranges (and currents) are the strongest. We have full and new moons during this alignment. When the moon is closest to earth, at its perigee, the tidal range is slightly larger, and conversely, when the moon is furthest from earth, at apogee (about 14 days afer perigee), the tidal range is smaller. Earth’s yearly orbit around the sun places it closest to the sun around January 2, giving it a greater gravitational affect on tides than when it’s the furthest from the sun around July 2. So the greatest gravitational affects the sun and moon have on planet Earth are during either a full or new moon around January 2.

And what’s the big deal about how the phase of the moon affects tides? Gravitational pull that impacts ocean tides not only affects the earth and her oceans, but it also affects everyone on earth. How’s that?We’re made mostly of salty water.

Don’t believe me about the effect? Ask anyone who works in an emergency room.

What do tides have to do with energetic portals? Well, tides are a visual representation of energy. Full and new moons are a time when water is sloshing back and forth on our planet with vigor and gusto, shaking things up.

In the cycle of creation there are times when there’s intense pressure and resistance, followed by chaos as things break apart, followed by integration as new creations come to fruition. I see full and new moons as creating more pressure, allowing things (or people) that are ready to crack break fully open.

With intense energetic times, some people crack and fall apart, whereas others who are ready to fly are launched.

Our 2-2-22 portal is within the window of energy of the very recent new moon while we’re still impacted by the proximity of the sun, being just a month past perihelion.

The thing about energetic portals, or windows of opportunity to create change, is they come around again and again and again. If you’re talking with an astrologist, they’ll look at your birth chart and might see portals specifically for you – times when change happens more easily for you based on planetary alignment. If you’re working with a numerologist, repetition of certain numbers will be significant, like today – 2/2/22.

With each and every moment we’re squeezed, when we’re put under pressure, we’re given opportunities to create change. We’re given opportunities to make a move, take another step forward to bring a dream to fruition, or change how we react in situations. Whether the squeeze is coming from outside, feeling more intense energies of Earth, the Sun and Moon, or from within, our own biology and our mind, whether we’re reacting to the outer world or the world within, energetic portals are opportunities.

It doesn’t mean you must create change, but if you’re feeling the nudge to do so, it’s a great time for it. Set new intentions. Focus on your desired outcome. Use whatever tools you have, from meditating to working with crystals and other things from nature, perhaps setting up a crystal grid. Write out new contracts and then ceremoniously burn them. Or get a healing session. There are lots of ways to work with energy.

When I want to make a change and have trouble doing so, my favorite way is to either find someone intuitive to give me the 30,000 ft perspective, or these days while I’m still making my way through the difficult part of my Kundalini awakening, I have a healing session. And the great thing about having a healing session is I don’t have to wait for an energetic portal to open, the practitioner and I create the opening and make inner change happen.

Quick Update

Usually about this time of the month I have a healing session working with my lovely hypnotherapist. However, last month when we had a session, she let me know that it would be the last one for a while, as she had to tend to her mother, who was diagnosed with late stage cancer. I’m so sad for her, that she has to go through what so many of us go through with the end of our parents’ lives. And I send her continued prayers of love.

Because active Kundalini energy in my system is continually pushing and wanting to purge all sorts of energy that’s not in alignment with my higher self, it’s important that I keep working on my own healing. And this month instead of diving deep into my own unconscious world, I had a very talented local healer work on me.

He’s a healer who scans the body looking for energy blockages. He scans all the physical structures, like the organs, bones, ligaments and tendons, the digestive tract, and such. With me he worked from my toes to my head, although he sometimes works from the head to the toes, scanning intuitively for blocks. He made a few notes as he went, of the blocks, and spent time after our online video call checking in with my body doing further clearing.

By the morning after the session, neck pain that was fairly new and unusual for me had significantly dissipated. And three days after the session a lower back/sciatic nerve issue is beginning to resolve. The nerve issue’s been ongoing for about four years, so I’m particularly thrilled to experience relief. Because it only affects me when I lie down, it’s affected my ability to sleep well. Doing healing work on and off after herniating a disk in my lower back about a dozen years ago has kept me off the surgeon’s table.

I’m excited to see what else changes in the coming days, weeks, and months.

The thing about energy healing is it affects not only the physical body but the mind. The healer mentioned putting some brain codes into me to help with the chronically foggy mind, and all I can do is wait to see if my system will integrate and shift.

It’s possible for people to have a healer work on them and experience little to no change, and it can be for several reasons. Perhaps what they’re trying to change is something their soul desired to experience and they’re not done with the experience quite yet. They haven’t gotten the lesson yet. Or the healer may need to learn something through the experience of having a client not shift and heal. Or they’re only seeing the healer to please someone else, and they’re nowhere near ready to let go of whatever’s going on.

However, from the first time I worked with a healer, things shifted. Maybe not as much as I hoped at the time, but looking back, I can see the wisdom of it.

In any case, the Universe conspired to move me in a different direction with regards to healing my way though this Kundalini Awakening, and so far so good. Although I really hope to be able to return to hypnotherapy at some point, even if it’s several months away.

Resurrection

You rang?
I see you again.
I feel you again.
Debilitating exhaustion’s back.

Time to do a deep dive.
Into the unknown.
Grab the thread
And follow.

It time travels.
I’m twelve and then four.
Now I’m two
And fear fills me.

I’m terrified.
I can’t do this.
I’m going to die.
Angel wings carry my spirit away.

Yet I’m lying on the floor
Curled in defeat.
Unwilling to live.
And I’m only two years old.

Ask for help.
That’s all it takes.
Don’t get up.
Just ask.

Ask and ye shall receive.
Fires from a golden Phoenix
Fly in and burn.
Burn it all away.

Burn exhaustion and defeat.
Burn frustration and anger.
Burn impatience and judgment.
Fires burn it all up.

Life returns
To the two-year-old.
Confidence and strength.
Standing tall and proud.

Fires burn up the timeline.
She’s four, and twelve, and twenty
Thirties, forties and fifties.
She’s being renewed, resurrected.

Rising from the ashes
Fear and defeat
Transmuted
Back into happiness, joy, and love.

 

Two Years Of Kundalini Energy

The past few years have seen tremendous upset and change for many. And in my own life this has been mirrored in the form of Kundalini energy opening from within. It spontaneously opened in February of 2017, and has stayed wide open.

Because my awakening didn’t happen by following spiritual and yoga practices, working with a spiritual practitioner or yogi, as is the route for many people, when I’ve tried to control the process or to describe it in the English language, it’s been a challenge. It’s a process that has a bit of a mind of its own, and my culture doesn’t recognize things like a Kundalini Awakening, so most of the information out there is from a foreign culture, in a foreign language. And because I’m not well versed in the Christian Bible stories, the only thing I can equate my experience with in terms of religion, is a living crucifixion and resurrection. It’s been like a caterpillar metamorphosing into a butterfly, without the insulation of a cocoon.

Parts of my inner self, my human, fear-based self, are dying off. Being healed. Dissolved.

What is Kundalini? Looking it up online, Wikipedia describes it as a coiled power. Many traditions have taken this and applied it to the image of a coiled up snake, sitting dormant at the base of our spine. And when Kundalini energy wakes, it rises up our spine, through the different chakras, achieving different levels of awakening, until it reaches the top of the head, or the crown chakra, where it produces an extremely profound transformation of consciousness. At least, this is how it goes for many. Follow these meditations, do these yoga poses, follow these teachings, work on yourself for decades, open your Kundalini energy, and one day you’ll experience enlightenment.

For me it didn’t go down this way. In fact, I’ve come to realize that enlightenment isn’t an end point, it’s a process of shifting, changing, and opening awareness. Sometimes the process of change is subtle, so gradual it’s barely noticeable, and sometimes it’s so profound it puts you on your knees. I seem to be experiencing much of the latter.

My only regular “spiritual” practice for the past eight years, has been healing my shit. That’s pretty much it, with very few exceptions. And for me, the most profound healing method has been working in the state of hypnosis, working with a soul directed hypnotherapist. It’s a way of creating healing that’s always in resonance with my higher self, or my spirit.

Session by session, looking into emotional triggers and physical dysfunction, finding the energetic blocks and setting them free. And this has changed the way I perceive and experience life, healing and transforming myself from the inside out.

As much as Wikipedia, and other sources, describe a Kundalini Awakening as a process of gradual awakening until ultimately reaching a state of profound transformation of consciousness, it was when I experienced a profound transformation of consciousness quite unexpectedly during a healing session, that Kundalini energy flew open. Burning strong and hot, I’ve been awakening on a fast track, ever since. Expanding my awareness over and over, wider and deeper.

My inner world has been turned upside down and inside out. And it’s been the most physically and mentally demanding experience I’ve ever gone through in my life.

Before Kundalini was active full-time, I had experienced warmth emanating from within my body a few times, and sometimes without explanation. Once it was my lower leg, humming with warmth off and on for weeks for no particular reason. Another time, looking at an Andara crystal made my back, behind my heart, become quite warm. I didn’t know what it was, and thought of it as something energetic going on in my body.

From there, I felt the classic vibrating, humming sensation of Kundalini energy during active meditations a few different times (as a side effect). It rose up my back during the meditation, and fell back down when I was done.

When Kundalini energy first flew open two years ago, the vibration was so intense at times that once I woke up from a dead sleep thinking we were having an earthquake. It took me a few moments to realize it was the energy in my body. It loves to become active when I’m sleeping or tired.

One of the major things Kundalini energy has done is make me extremely sensitive. Even more so than I was before (and I’ve always been a sensitive person). It sometimes feels like I’m walking around with no energetic boundaries, open to everyone and everything. Not comfortable. New boundaries are gradually developing.

Especially during the first year of activity, I was so energetically naked that by simply connecting (having a conversation or reading an email) with someone I’m close to (family/ close friend), if they were upset, it would trigger an intensely deep healing in me quite spontaneously. I’d connect on a level of mass consciousness and become changed.

I suddenly saw and understood more. I became more aware, awake.

In one very uncomfortable situation, I picked up vibrations, and suddenly became aware of and healed “we always hurt the ones we love.” It was miserable as vibes of pain ping-ponged back and forth between my husband and myself, suddenly creating a massive shift deep inside me (accompanied by a barrage of sobbing tears and apologies). The phrase hit my brain as the energy shifted, along with a download of the knowledge of why we do this.

There were many other situations of picking up on other’s people’s unconscious beliefs as they were in the throes of emotional activation, creating shifts deep in my heart. Wham! I’d suddenly experience a massive release in the form of an intense cry, and I’d be changed. Over the next several days, the way I saw and experienced the world would change in response to the energetic shift. I had a new awareness, a broader perspective of life, and compassion to go along with it.

When a person activates Kundalini energy gradually, and awakens over years or decades, physically and mentally integrating shifts and changes happens very differently from what’s been happening with me.

For many people, they consciously practice a thought pattern, and do breath work and body poses to facilitate a change to their unconscious mind. This is repeated daily, or a few times a day, for months or years, with the goal of changing inner dialog. My entire practice has been to directly access my unconscious world and my higher wisdom, allowing me to create inner change in a moment of epiphany. Often times being guided. The change affects my entire consciousness: the energetic template that creates and structures my physical body and my mind. And when my energetic template changes, the effects filter down to my physical body and mind.

With Kundalini energy creating such intense and deep shifts to my energetic template, the physical and mental changes have been intense and deep. And what the books don’t mention is the extreme discomfort that happens when our DNA is suddenly and dramatically expressing itself differently.

The world of spirit and energy knows no time. It’s all here and now. The energy field that breathes my body and tells it how to function can be changed in the blink of an eye. But in our human experience, our bodies do things like go through cell division and millions of biochemical processes a day. The physical side effects of my body catching up to its new energetic template include things like all sorts of temporary body aches and even feeling fluish. I’ve had many days when my teeth ached and I tasted metal in my mouth (adrenaline), and days when I could barely wear a bra because of the discomfort around my ribcage. Some of the weird ones were when it felt like I didn’t fit in my body quite right. My upper back would feel wonky for a day or two until with a big stretch and crack, things finally shifted into their new place.

The mental side effects have been even more trying than the physical ones, as neural connections in my head suddenly dissolved, sparking off chemical cascades that would bring up fear and paranoia. Because I knew these thoughts were lies, I’d watch them go through my head over and over, without the impulse to have to act on them. I’d temporarily lose vocabulary words and the ability to focus my thoughts. And when I couldn’t focus my thoughts, I couldn’t remember things. My head was a sieve. And doing things like reading and writing were out. For a person who has always loved to dive into books and to write every day, it’s been a whole lot of not fun at all.

As old thought patterns and pathways were dissolving and new ones were being created, there were days when my head was disconnected from my heart. Conversations were tough because I’d hear literal words coming out of people’s mouths and couldn’t catch the meaning between or behind the words. I couldn’t connect with people’s emotions. I called them my literal days, because I’d have to constantly ask for clarification.

There were months and months of what felt like inner dissonance or push-back. A constant, and often subtle feeling deep inside of discomfort that I couldn’t label or change. I was very non-reactive to things that would usually upset most people, which was nice. But this chronic inner angst was absolutely miserable. There were a few days when I woke up and every single thought I had was followed by a strong inner “No!” Like a child throwing a tantrum that I couldn’t stop. Time to crawl out of bed. “No!” I’ve got to use the bathroom. “No!” I should get dressed. “No!” I’m going to walk down the hallway. “No!” I want to eat. “No!” It took everything I had to make it through those days.

The worst were the months when I struggled to feel like me. I couldn’t connect to the essence that is the me I know and have always known my entire life. That was torture. There were many tears shed in private. Into my pillow. In my car.

Take the physical and mental side effects and wrap them up in a big bow of exhaustion, and that’s been a big part of these past two years. Sleep has often been exhausting. Instead of recharging and restoring vital energy, my system has either been dealing with the last energetic shift or creating new ones. I wake up tired, discombobulated, and often struggle to focus my thoughts, with a fuzzy brain. And this isn’t something caffeine can touch. One day, just to see if I could feel more with-it, I downed a twelve ounce Red Bull and about an hour later, a Five Hour Energy drink, and felt nothing. No change. No more energy, clarity or focus. A bright, sunny day that has always lifted my spirits, has had no effect. It’s a matter of integrating my energy body and physical body. Day after day, I struggle to have any energy to do what’s absolutely critical.

Because food has always been my frenemy, being so tired, I’ve been munching at times when I’m not hungry, thinking it will give me energy. With my system being so hypersensitive, there were several weeks when I was unknowingly intuiting family members’ food cravings, obsessively eating and eating things I normally turn down quite easily. Also, some days I’m not hungry, but if I go for too long without eating, I crash hard and have to lie down. My body doesn’t give me a choice. Having a very wonky relationship with my body’s physical hunger signals, emotional food cravings, and physical energy, has been a rollercoaster of hell in and of itself that has packed on many pounds.

Thankfully, I know this is a process, and at some point, the pounds will wither away. These days I have great appreciation and compassion for my body, no matter its size or state. As long as I’m here in the land of the living, it’s doing me a solid.

Besides the physical and emotional challenges, this Kundalini Awakening has dramatically changed the way I see the world.

As bits and pieces of what was living unconsciously in dissonance with my soul’s essence of love have risen up to be known and shifted, released and dissolved, I’m changing from the inside out. While for the past two years the world has been up in arms about this or that, I’ve mostly been an observer, watching without the kick in the gut or rage pushing me to roar.

Today I notice this and notice that, without judgment. Able to see things from several angles at the same time. Do I get upset about things? Sure, but not nearly as many as before. Not even close.

As my system becomes somewhat integrated and grounded, and the shifts are more infrequent, or at least less intense, I feel like the worst is behind me. Getting back to doing healing work recently is helping. Some of it has been really out of this world.

Waking up feeling horrible almost every day for about 22 months has been grueling, but things are evolving. It’s getting a little better. Lately, I don’t wake up and automatically dread still being alive. Instead of feeling like an eight-cylinder car whose engine is frozen solid or is running on half a cylinder, I’m probably up to three and sometimes four cylinders on most days.

Something I never expected was healing attachment. I’ve never tried to heal attachment, and it caught me by surprise. Attachment to certain relationships and attachment to things/objects have been dissolved and are being dissolved. The aching need or want is gone, leaving me the freedom to choose if I want to continue a relationship, and to what extent.

It feels like all the pain from my complicated relationship with my mother is gone. Or if there is any, I haven’t found it in well over a year. (It helps that she’s no longer alive). And I’ve released a significant amount of attachment around my relationship with the brother who molested me. I no longer have any desire to have a relationship with him at all. Period. I no longer want what I never had. No more anger. No regrets. No fear or sadness. Just mission complete.

That said, find me when I’m having a bad day and I’m feeling fragmented, ungrounded, and raw, and some pain will likely find its way up and out. After all, I’m human.

What’s all this healing doing for me? Quite simply, it’s changing my life. Changing me from the inside out.

About a decade ago, I had a profound experience during a hypnosis session of having an angel heal me of all shame. It was mind-blowing and changed me forever. To this day I still feel no shame.

And during the very beginnings of this Kundalini Awakening, I experienced significant healing of self-judgment. If you’re not familiar, our feelings emanate outwards from within, so if you want to stop judging people, you must heal self-judgment first. These days, I seldom feel critical about myself or another. Instead, it’s been replaced with preference and noticing. I’m still getting used to it.

This incredible and very intense process of Kundalini awakening, has been changing me for the better.

Core spiritual truths of unity, acceptance, compassion, and love are fast replacing my human created beliefs of brokenness, judgment and imperfection. Today, I walk the world knowing I’m doing the best I can in each moment. I am able to appreciate, value, and love this human body, this vehicle that’s helping me create my life and has carried me through my life thus far. I’m able to see that my very human world is perfect, even when it hurts. And when I see another person, I feel our human connection, while valuing their uniqueness. I see each and everyone as vital threads of the giant tapestry of life.

There are no accidents, because life is purposeful, and so is death. I feel more freedom because attachment to so many things and to some relationships, is dissolving. I know I always have a choice in life, and the first choice we make is to experience this thing called life in the physical. We also choose to experience some challenges along the way, for the purpose of soul growth.

As much as there are times when I’ve felt lonely, I know I’m not alone. With every step I walk on the path of life, I’m accompanied by family and friends, acquaintances, and strangers. And my team in spirit, including Life Source Energy (God), a host of angels, guides, my ancestors, and assorted other beings, is always around, even when I forget.

Life is no longer so black and white, but black, white, and every shade of gray in between.

The past few years have been a crazy, amazing, out of this world ride, and as difficult as it’s been, I’m forever grateful for it. And am even more grateful as life begins to feel a little bit more comfortable again.

growing from manure

Hard Wired

I was watching a video this morning about a man who lives with anxiety. He lives with a constant state of heightened awareness and from time to time his brain tells him he’s about to be killed. While talking about it, he mentioned some tools he’s learned from his psychologist, and talked about people with anxiety being helped by medication as well. One thing he said that stuck out at me was his mentioning that he was hard-wired this way. There’s nothing he can do about it. And then he went on to talk about the beautiful gifts he has because of being this way: having an amazing capacity for empathy and such.

As much as I understand the idea that we are hard-wired for certain things, discovering the field of Energy Healing, I know there’s wiggle room in there to create change, because I’ve done it.

We’re taught that we are who we are and that’s that. There’s no changing it. And that’s because of a lot of reasons, many put forth by our current medical establishment. I don’t want to bash the medical establishment, because it tries hard and does do some things extremely well. But when it comes to our mind and our consciousness, they’re barking up the wrong tree.

We live in an age of reason. And we’ve gone so far down that road that people love to discount all sorts of things as unreasonable. If it can’t be seen with the naked eye or our instruments, and can’t be measured by any of our measuring systems, it isn’t real and should be discounted.

Well, our emotions and feelings are very real, yet they can’t be measured or seen. We can see changes in a body and changes to a person’s demeanor, but that’s as close as we get. Does that mean they’re not real?

Having learned about Energy Healing and used a variety of different modalities, my hard wiring has changed. The person I was in my thirties isn’t even close to the person I’m becoming. Am I still much the same? Yes. But without a lot of things that held me back in life.

So, to those who believe people can’t change, I know better. The beauty about Energy Healing is it helps a person become more of their true self. More connected to their own heart.

Sun Break

Where I live, the winters are so gray, wet and dark that when the sun comes out, even if it’s for a few moments, it’s a thing. And it has a name. It’s a sun break. And when they happen, everyone takes notice. Seriously. This makes the evening weather news.

Even though it’s autumn and we’re heading into the wet, dark time of year here in the Pacific Northwest, my personal journey has been putting me through some of the most mentally and physically challenging/dark months of my entire life.

Times when I’ve had absolutely no energy to do more than crawl out of bed to relieve myself. And months of general exhaustion. Times when I couldn’t sleep. And times when, upon waking, I wasn’t even sure I’d slept because my head was so messed up.

Times when I couldn’t eat for several days, forcing myself to eat something to have the smallest amount of energy. And times when food cravings wouldn’t leave me alone. Times when after a sudden, extreme, energy release, my body’s tissues became inflamed for days, leaving me in all sorts of discomfort or pain.

There have been days, weeks and months of not feeling like myself, having a fuzzy, muddy head, unable to think normally. Thoughts going awry, like a runaway train going down all sorts of rabbit holes. And having my ability to make decisions and my memory go to pot, struggling for days to remember the simplest thing for even a moment.

I’ve gotten a peek into what I imagine it’s like to have Alzheimer’s, trying to remember what day of the week it is, and instead of thinking to look at a calendar, having a minor panic attack because I couldn’t even remember to check my cell phone or newspaper or a calendar. All I got was a big blank. A black hole of nothing. And then panic.

I’ve gotten glimpses into what it’s like to have a brain that doesn’t work seamlessly, dropping vocabulary and the ability to complete a thought before it’s gone. And glimpses into what it’s like to be betrayed by my mind, becoming fear-filled, anxiety-riddled, and easily overwhelmed when I’m usually a confident and capable person. Or appearing callous, when the reality was that my emotional “reaction” button had been dissolved.

There have been days when I felt so badly and so messed up that the only relief came from sitting and crying. Worse days were when I couldn’t find any relief. I couldn’t even cry. All I could do was hold on and wait for time to pass.

Thank goodness for Netflix and binge-worthy shows that kept my mind distracted so my wonky thoughts wouldn’t betray me for a few hours.

The worst days were when I lost faith. Faith in myself. And the scariest day was when my wonky brain caused me to almost end my suffering, permanently. Someone, something stepped in and stopped me from taking action. They/it put the word “Help!!” in my head. It was all so fast.

Going through a Kundalini awakening has been rebirthing me, rewiring my body and brain. It’s been a hell-ride, with all sorts of changes happening inside of me. Extreme change/healing.

Just today, I realized that I’m beginning to feel a little bit better, with more moments of focus and clarity. And it’s happened more than just one day now. It’s been two in a row! Sun break!!!

It hasn’t been all day yet, but I’ll take a sun break when I can get one. My body/brain is beginning to work in sync with my new energy field.

With each and every shift in my energy field, my physical body has to catch up. Energetic shifts are instantaneous, but it takes time for cells to divide and for new physical pathways in the body and brain to work. For my physiology to mirror my energy field. And during that time, all I can do is TLC for myself and hang on. Even though my physical energy tank is perpetually low lately, it’s beginning to perk up a little bit. I’m making tiny steps forward in life again.

These days, my perception of myself is a combination of my soul energy and my physical body; this body being a physical representation of part of my soul. And I see my life as the dance between my soul’s wishes and my human experience. They are inextricably intertwined until my physical death. And what my life looks like and feels like depends on energy flowing through my physical body. The more easily life force energy can flow through my soul, through my body, the more easily life flows.

All of this Kundalini energy and action: extreme healing, has been changing how I see the world, how I feel about things in the world, creating a compassionate lens of perception that will be permanent and full-time (as far as I can tell at this point). And it’s been reclaiming intuitive capabilities as I’ve been reconnecting with my soul’s energy. The intuitive journey has been amazing.

I think the best part of all this changing is wanting to participate in, instead of avoid, this thing called life. It’s also about having greater clarity in general, knowing that my life’s unique thread is helping to weave the great living tapestry of the world.

It’s been a very long time since I wanted to be here. And I’m beginning to feel like it’s good to be back.

Healing a Lifelong Challenge: Massive Soul Retrieval

There’s something about the energies of the times. Lots of things are stirred up for many people, and lots of healing is happening. Most people don’t realized that in order for change to happen, the status quo has to go away. And for this to happen, life can look and feel very uncomfortable in the process. Systems and age-old ways of doing things are breaking down and crumbling. In order to bake a cake, you have to break a few eggs.

inspirational graphic

In my own life, I go digging with a select few trusted people that I work with in the realm of energy healing. I look at something that’s not serving me well, something that’s bugging me either physically or emotionally, and I dive down underneath the conscious feelings to see why the discord and disharmony.

My last few posts have been a series of healing sessions because I’ve been on a roll lately. There’s been an overarching theme of indigestion in my life, and I’ve been seeking for answers as to why.

I worked with my hypnotherapist on why I seemed to be having trouble digesting or processing life over the past several months, because of physical digestion woes. And most recently, I wanted to see why I seemed to have an issue with digesting food over the past several months specifically, and why I’ve been becoming allergic to more and more foods over the past several years. And I also wanted to know why food has been such a big issue my entire life. Why was it the object of my addiction for most of my life, and why, when I was becoming free from its addictive grasp, was I becoming allergic to it and becoming unable to digest more and more of it? Why all the issues and problems with food?

I settled into my hypnotherapist’s comfy chair and let her take me through the relaxation phase. After a while, she had me picture a white light shining down on me from above. It was intelligent and healing, and I let it shine on me and through me. It felt great. I always think of God when I think of this light. When she asked me what I was feeling from the light, it felt like love, completely compassionate and very strong love.

Sometimes when I pass the light over my body, an area is highlighted, or a feeling of discomfort comes up. This time, I felt very relaxed and comfortable. Because we were investigating my ability to digest food, she had me direct the loving light into my mouth, followed by sending it down my throat, into my stomach and intestines, and all the way through my entire digestive tract. Finally, she asked me what I was feeling. (I thought she’d never ask).

The moment the love entered my mouth, I felt a lot of resistance. I could hear a young voice saying, “No! I can’t take it. I can’t stand love. I’m not deserving or worthy of it.” That was surprising. Who was this voice? I knew it was me, but what was going on? I focused on this voice, and I must have been about three years old. I was being spanked. I was told it was for my own good. I was told that I was being punished out of love. That made absolutely no sense to me. Why would love hurt?

Even at such a young age, I knew that love wasn’t supposed to hurt, and yet I was told that painful things were happening to me out of love. If that’s what love was, I didn’t want any part of it. That little girl wanted no part of the love I had been trying to send her. No wonder why. I explained to her that her mother was mentally ill, plus she had learned some pretty old-fashioned ways about showing love, and didn’t know that what she was doing was wrong. With some explaining, the little one slowly began to trust me and let go of her fear.

Once again, we let love flow into my mouth. Very gingerly, the little girl dipped her toe in, accepting it little by little. When she realized how good it tasted, and how wonderfully warm it felt, she let go of the last of her resistance.

With that little one happy, the love flowed from my mouth down into my throat. The minute it hit my throat, I heard a voice that said, “It burns!” In my mind, I asked, “What burns?” The voice answered back, “Truth.” Then the voice elaborated. “Every time I speak my truth, I get burned; I get hurt. My mom hurts me.” In my mind, I asked the voice to elaborate. To tell me more.

It was another young voice from my past. It told me that it was afraid because every time she spoke her truth, she was verbally abused. But then what she was saying changed just a bit. She said that in order to not get hurt so much, and in order to lessen her pain, she created a lot of beliefs about herself – beliefs of being defective and less than – that were lies. Every time she spoke and those lies living in her became activated, they ate her up from the inside out. They were burning her up from the inside out. They were burning her up.

All of a sudden, I saw massive flames burning, emotions hit me like a tidal wave, and tears flowed relentlessly. The knowledge hit me that this little one had created lies about herself that cut herself off from her own Source Energy. She effectively cut herself off from her Divine self. In this realization, the separation immediately ended. This was a massive soul retrieval! Thousands of tiny points of light, like a cloud of fireflies, swarmed back to her/me. They were all of the soul fragments that were waiting to come home to my soul. They were from this lifetime and every other lifetime I’ve ever lived. And I knew they weren’t just for me, it was a soul retrieval for the entire planet.

As we grow up, we create beliefs using our rational mind to explain any time something happens to us that doesn’t feel good or feel right. These beliefs revolve around our being and they have all sorts of tones of “less-than”. Every time one of these beliefs is created, it separates us from our core essence, which is Divine Love and perfection. The further the separation from our Divine selves, the more emotionally and physically uncomfortable our lives become. For me, it’s been through discovering these subconscious beliefs and healing them, that I am being reunited with my core essence, my true self, the Divine being that I am at a soul level.

While I was swimming in the emotions of soul reunion, I asked, “Why food? What does food have to do with all of this?” The answer was so direct and so simple, that it almost seemed too easy. “Food was just a metaphor.”

The knowledge of that simple phrase echoed in my mind. Food was just a metaphor. That’s all it was. It was never more than something my soul chose to use in my life as a way to cope with soul separation. A thing to keep me spinning and searching.

That’s it. All of my struggles and issues with food; all of the emotional addiction issues and physical issues with food have all been clues for me to follow to bring back pieces of my soul to me. It has all been a gigantic puzzle that I finally solved. I got the message in my head that I’m done with this. Food is just food and I won’t need to have any more problems with it. It holds no special power over me.

Holy fucking shit!!!!!

After that massive energy shift, my hypnotherapist had me bring the energy of love into my mouth again. I knew that I could once again taste love. I didn’t have to try to get love through food. I can taste it from Divine Source, where it’s supposed to come from. As I sent the love down my throat, I knew that I could once again swallow life just fine. No more burning throat. And when love reached my stomach, I knew that I could digest life easily. As love passed through my intestines, my colon, rectum, and out, I knew that I could process life and allow things to pass through again.

All of the issues that I’ve ever had with heartburn, acid reflux, indigestion, constipation, diarrhea, stomach aches, and gut aches were all clues left for me so I could eventually figure them out and reconnect to my soul.

As I had love flow through my entire digestive system, the love was beautifully accepted and enjoyed. But when I got to the very end of the system, there was one voice that still wanted to be heard. There is one more piece of me that isn’t ok yet, and because she now trusts me, she’s ok to wait until my next session to be heard. I know who she is, and I’m pretty sure I know why she still needs to be heard. And we’ll work it out soon.

What’s going to take a little time to sink in, is that I figured this food puzzle out. It’s like my soul set up an experience that began with my soul being fractured over and over when I was young, but I was left clues, in the way of food issues such as addiction and allergies and digestive woes. And by following the clues, following my curiosity, discovering energy healing, and putting piece after piece in place, I finally found the last piece that sprung the entire trap, solving the puzzle.

A big confirmation of this is with me today, the day after that session, because I feel a deep emptiness inside of me. All of the energy that’s been wrapped up with this whole thing is now gone from me. It’s all transmuted. I feel like an empty vessel, waiting for what’s next. I know whatever that is will come along. It’s just so weird feeling adrift, bored, aimless, and empty right now. And the last thing I feel like doing is eating something.

Even though I never dealt with alcoholism or drug addiction, I am confident that addiction in all of its forms is a soul set up to reclaim ourselves. It’s the soul’s way of expressing what happens when it becomes fractured and separated from self. I see no difference between craving food, craving a drink, craving a pill, craving a shopping or sex high, or any other type of craving. They are all messages from our souls that are screaming out to be reconnected. I did have times of using alcohol and other things as coping mechanisms, but they never had the choke hold on me that food had.

My adventure of reconnection is far from over, but it feels quite surreal that such a huge puzzle is solved and completed. It will be interesting to see how quickly my body responds to this massive energetic shift, and to see if and when it allows me to eat foods that I’ve had trouble processing for the past several years.  Time will tell.

Healing Cancer

Before I even get into this post, please know that I do not and have not had cancer. But, if I ever did, the first thing I’d do is book a session with my hypnotherapist to look into why it was with me. Cancer always has a reason for finding us. Always. Sometimes it can be healed, saving a person’s life, and sometimes the life is lost, healing the cancer in the transition into death. There are times when cancer can be healed, and the person still passes away, free and clear of the energy. And there are times when a person has cancer and lives with it, eventually passing away, but not directly because of the cancer, and not healing the energy of cancer. This last scenario is what happened with my father. He lived with cancer for over 25 years, and it was never healed or cured. And it was not the cause of his death at almost 86 years old.

I learned the other week, that it’s possible to heal cancer, even before you have it. Here’s what happened.

I have a history of cancer in my family. Everyone I am blood related to from my parent’s generation and my grandparent’s generation, except for one grandmother, had cancer. Because of some previous inaccuracies in our medical knowledge, for years I’ve felt like a marked woman. That because so much of my family had cancer, that I must surely carry a genetic propensity for it, and will likely get it at some point. Modern medicine loves to blame genes for cancer. But they are still working on what turns on a gene in some people, but not in others. The fact is, genes, in and of themselves do not cause cancer. There has to be something that activates them. (Check out the field of epigenetics).

The realm of energy healing doesn’t need to get wrapped up with genes, it dives in and asks disease why it’s here and what it and the body needs to become ok and get happy.

As has happened a number of times for me, at my most recent hypnotherapy session, I was addressing something that’s been in my face for a while, something that’s been physically uncomfortable, and the energetic reasons for it absolutely blew me away. I wouldn’t have guessed in a hundred years what came up. And working with a talk therapist could never have uncovered what wanted to come up and be healed. I was shocked, stunned, and must have used up half a box of tissues.

Since last summer, I’ve been tending to a cranky gallbladder and touchy digestive system. If I manage things very proactively, with diet and supplements, everything is happy. But every now and then I’ve gotten lazy, and the result is a sluggish digestive tract which causes pain for my gallbladder.

I’ve been asking why the digestion has been slow, and part of it has to do with how my body reacts to foods it’s allergic to, lately. Staying far away from certain foods has helped a lot, but it hasn’t completely resolved my issue. While rolling the question of digestion around in my mind, and after having conversations about it with a close and trusted friend, it occurred to me to look into not just specific functions, but digestion in general. Why am I having so much trouble digesting food in general? And then the thought hit me to go even broader, to looking into digestion of life.

What am I having so much trouble digesting in life? I’m learning that knowing what question to ask is half the battle sometimes when it comes to healing.

After a few clarifying questions from my hypnotherapist, we dove in to see what would come up. After going through the relaxation phase, she had me notice what I noticed. I noticed my gallbladder talking to me by becoming uncomfortable. As I tuned into it, I picked up on a thread of fear.  The fear was stubborn. It took a few different angles of approach to see beyond it.

When I finally made headway, the fear looked like me, around 3 years old. In a flash of memory, I saw an adult hand grabbing onto my upper arm, making me move down our old hallway. But whose hand was it? I knew, but didn’t want to know. More resistance. I knew that someone wanted me to do something or go somewhere, and being an independent toddler, I wanted to do my own thing. Stubbornly, the resistance wouldn’t let up.

I rolled possible people into the place of the hand on my arm. Was it Mom? That was a very likely possibility. No. It wasn’t Mom. But who and why? I wondered if it possibly could have been Dad. After all, he would do that with us to get us going: grabbing our upper arm so as to not hurt us.

The moment I wondered if it was Dad, not only the affirmative answer hit my head, but the entire reason for my upset did as well. And it was huge. Gigantic in fact. For my little three-year-old self, it had been life-altering. This was the first time my Dad was angry and took it out on me. I knew he wasn’t angry with me, in fact, he was angry with someone else, but took it out on me (because that’s what parents unknowingly do).

The reason it was so shocking to my system, was because up until that moment in my young life, Dad had been the one safe person in my family, my life. He was the one person that I trusted. He was my one source of safety in an unsafe family. And now that was shattered.

It broke me.

As the reality of this little three-year-old’s world hit me, I could see my father with his head hanging in hurt and sorrow. He hadn’t realized that this outburst, this particular interaction with his toddler had been so damaging. He hadn’t struck her, and in fact was careful to not physically hurt her. And yet, her world changed forever that day.

I knew my father was sorry and apologetic. I was directed to picture my father sitting in a chair in front of my 3 year-old toddler self, and to talk to him as the toddler. I expressed my hurt as best I could, seeing that my father wanted to apologize. And as much as I knew he was sorry, and could see that he was sorry, I couldn’t feel it.

I couldn’t make my little one feel the sorrow, and until she could, I knew forgiveness couldn’t happen. It’s something that must be felt in order to be real. As I wondered how to move forward, I remembered that it’s not my job to know how it would go down, but to hand it over to Archangel Michael, who was standing by at this point.

His massive winged form stood in front of me, slightly off to the right, waiting for me to turn things over to him. As soon as I did, Dad was no longer sitting in a chair in front of me, but was standing out in front, and slightly off to my left, facing Archangel Michael. At the same time, an epiphany hit me: my father had experienced the same loss of trust, loss of faith in his own father when he was very young. He had been hurt too.

As soon the knowledge was dumped into my head, tears of empathy fell, tears of sorrow for his hurt fell. Dad had been hurt in the same way I had. It explained his strained relationship with his father. And then I knew that his father had the same experience with his father and so on. It was a chain of energy that travelled down the family line! Holy shit!! I finally felt Dad’s remorse and shame flow. The dam burst in both of us. More tears.

At the same time, when I looked at Archangel Michael, I saw light coming from Source down into his head and out through his hands, beaming directly to my heart and my right side (that had been uncomfortable). The light was divided into two beams; one royal blue, and one emerald green. I knew the light was healing me. And an instant later, when I looked over at Dad, it connected into his heart and his prostate, healing him. Then the blue and green light connected to my grandfather’s heart and prostate, and the organs of his father and his father that required healing, and on back as far as it needed to go.

In this moment, I knew that what was healing was an energetic chain of cancer that came down through my family, and it gave the men prostate cancer. In a flash, a cousin appeared off to my right, and I saw that where he’d had his prostate removed last year because it was cancerous, still carried the family energy of cancer. I saw the ball of energy in him. And as soon as I saw this, the healing light connected to him as well, healing him.

That chain of cancer causing energy in my family is done. It stopped with me. It has been healed. I believe in my heart my brothers and son will never have to tangle with it. Time will tell. That said, I have no idea if there are any other planned illnesses in their soul contracts, or other familial energetic chains that they might have to deal with in their future. But they won’t have to deal with this one. I healed it with forgiveness and love.

With this massive shift underway, I checked in with my body again and saw blackness rising out of my heart space and from my entire right side. Some of it was thick and tarry, some was light like soot, and some was so dense that it cracked and was taken care of by Archangel Michael. Little fairies came and took away the bits of soot.

Well, Archangel Michael took care of a lot of it, but my heart was helped by Jesus – that’s his territory. He works with my heart. As he’s done before, he stood in front of me, hands out, directing me to give all the blackness to him. Every bit of it. I know now that he can take it. This is what he does, transmuting the blackness, the pain, the fear, back into love.

As he took it all, he commented that I was doing a great job, and that I’d always been one of his quicker students to catch on. I’m remembering what he taught me before, and look forward to remembering more. I think what he was talking about was a thought that hit me as the shift was occurring, the thought that forgiveness can’t happen without the ability to feel empathy. That’s why we have the capacity to feel empathy; so the incredible process of forgiveness can happen. And it can only happen through the heart. True forgiveness has as much power as true unconditional love. I don’t know of anything more powerful in existence.

With all of the forgiveness energy flowing, and the chain of wounding and cancer being healed, as the blackness was leaving my body, I saw light shining out from beneath. But it wasn’t just white or golden light, it was rainbows. Pretty little rainbows. I noticed and thought to myself, that’s cute. Little rainbows. I wonder why rainbows.

The answer was immediate. The light held all the colors of the rainbow. Full spectrum light. The light that was now available to me was full spectrum. It was all frequencies available. I know from uncovering darkness before, that this light is me. It’s who I am. It’s who we all are. We are all beings of light. The only thing covering it up is old hurts, pains, and beliefs that no longer resonate with our current truth. More of the real me is now shining forth again.

I was directed to check in with my toddler self and she was happy, so very happy. In fact, because she was healed, she began to age progress in front of my eyes. Every time during my life that something had resonated with this original trauma, it set something off in me. All of those echoes were being healed. My age steadily progressed into my teens and then my twenties, and on up until I reached my present age, healing happening along the way.

When I checked in with my father, and his father, and so on, they were all so very happy. They told me that they’d had all their hopes pinned on me. That I’d be the one to finally stop this dreaded chain. I suddenly realized why Dad had become a doctor. But he couldn’t heal the chain using modern medicine. And then I realized why I couldn’t go to medical school and had made a hard right half way through undergrad, abandoning my plans of medical school. Good thing too, or I’d likely never have figured this out.

I saw my father, grandfather, his father, and his father, hoist me high on their shoulders, carrying me around with a “Hip, hip, hooray!” taking me to the nearest pub to hoist a pint. It all felt very proper and very British. Then I remembered that my grandfather was born in England, as was his father. Of course. It made sense now.

Now that the shift had happened, and healing was proceeding, there was nothing left for me to do. Everything was being taken care of. Archangel Michael would hold the energy in place for as long as was needed, and Jesus would stay as long as he was needed.

With Jesus’ comment about my being a former student, he got me curious. I’ve seen a previous life of mine when he walked the earth, and I saw him heal my child. I also know I was a teacher during that lifetime, but those are all the details I have. I believe that a big part of my life now, is to have experiences and remember his teachings through them, so I can put them out to the world again. At some point, I’ll have a past life regression and take a look into this.

At that, with my consent, my hypnotherapist wrapped up the session and brought me back up to full consciousness.

This was one of the most intense hypnosis adventures I’ve had to date, primarily because I was completely shocked at how I’d been hurt by my most loving father. And secondly because I was surprised to see the ancestral chain of cancer. When I think of the word karma, this is how I use it: as an energetic pattern that is carried on like a chain, through a family. In my own family, I’ve seen this dynamic twice. Other than this instance, where it brought prostate cancer, I’ve seen it on my mother’s side, where it brought a pattern of emotional mother-daughter wounding in the form of verbal abuse. I also healed that chain.

During the session, after the “holy shit” moment of seeing the energetic cancer chain, I cried because I couldn’t believe my soul had chosen to take on such a burden on not one parental lineage, but on both sides. I had a momentary “poor me” episode. For just a moment, I sat there thinking, WTF? Why would I choose that?

But faster than the speed of light, the realization of how completely and utterly amazing my soul is, I AM, hit me like a bold of lightning. How amazing am I that my soul not only took on these extraordinary challenges, but figured them the eff out?!! I mean seriously! Who does that?

I’m just a housewife who doesn’t like housework, and who would rather write and take pictures than anything else, who’s doing the best she can to raise a complicated and amazing son. I’d rather mow the lawn or use the chainsaw than vacuum the house or clean a toilet any day. All I wanted was to lose weight back when I first gave hypnosis a try almost seventeen years ago, and look where I am now. Whoa.

What I’m trying to say is, if I can do it, anyone with proper training and drive, can. As Jesus said (or thereabouts), these things I do, you can do, and more. Heck ya!

Just a quick note: I didn’t begin this session with the intention to dig up a pattern of cancer in my family, it came up along the way. If you have cancer or suspect you do, always work with a medical doctor. And know that energy healing is a great compliment to traditional medication. Also, people who are medically trained with hypnosis can help with things like pain control. There are lots of options out there to take care of your health and well being.

When Something Comes Up, I Heal It

These days, I’ve not only discovered this wonderful thing called energy healing, but I’ve now got about six years worth of experiences under my belt. What I mean is, about six years ago, when I had a spiritual awakening, I began to seek out intuitives and energy healers to help me with my life.

During the past several years, I’ve had many experiences that have taught me, and are still teaching me not only about healing myself, but about how the world works, and my place in it.

When there is something in my life that is uncomfortable, and continues to come up, I now know that I can create change, a shift. And in doing so, whatever was causing the discomfort can leave. I can heal it. This can be emotions and feelings, or with my physical body.

I understand that my life and my body is a creation that I have a huge part in creating. I am understanding more and more just how I create things in my life through beliefs I hold.

Because I’ve now had many experiences of digging up emotional triggers and pain, I’ve seen what was causing them, and know that old beliefs that I held about myself, were the issue. The thing is, figuring out what’s causing a trigger is best done in an altered state of consciousness, simply because a trigger is caused by an unconscious thought (belief). I use hypnotherapy and guided meditation most often. I’ve also used intuitive healers, who can see underlying causes that are not available to my conscious mind.

For physical issues, I’ve worked with medical intuitives. They are fantastic. And my current naturopath is also an intuitive healer as well as a chiropractor.

About two and a half years ago, my regular naturopath (it was before I met the intuitive one) diagnosed me with diabetes. My blood sugar had been a little bit high for several years, but it was absolutely in the diabetic range at that point. I’d learned enough about energy healing by then that it occurred to me to look into why things were off kilter, using hypnotherapy. You see, our bodies are designed to be self-healing. If a body becomes sick, there is a reason. With illnesses that pass like a cold or flu, I now see being sick, or catching a bug, as a way for an energetic block in the body to be dissolved or alleviated.

Back in the spring of 2014 I had a hypnotherapy session looking at diabetes in my body. What came up was amazing to me. My heart was battered and bruised, and I had never learned to love myself. The healing that happened that day, in combination with a shift in my diet, healed the diabetes. Because our bodies exist as dense objects (unlike our energetic spirit), although I healed the reason my body developed diabetes in a moment, it took my body another six months to show healthy blood sugar levels. And they’ve been healthy ever since. (It takes time for the cells in your body to die off and replicate with the new energetic template). Yes, part of the healing has involved changing the way I eat, but without doing the energy healing part, diabetes would still be in my energy field. It’s now gone.

Back in the summer of 2015, it occurred to me to try using hypnotherapy to heal chronic acid reflux I’d been dealing with for about seven years at that point. Here’s the description of the session: what came up and what was healed.  It had to do with being verbally wounded by my mother when I was a young child. My body responded fairly quickly, and the reflux was gone within a few months. These day, reflux (and the meds I took every day for years) isn’t a part of my life anymore.

Last summer, I sought out a healer I had worked with only one time in early 2011. Because the session I had with him created so much healing for my back, I’d wanted to have another session with him ever since. Finally, this past summer, I had the opportunity to fly to Florida for a few days and have two sessions with him, while I visited with a dear girlfriend. He has grown his abilities quite a bit over the past several years, and the amount of high frequency energy he channels and sent through me was huge. In fact, I became so ambitious that when I got home, I grabbed my son and flew back to Florida for a few weeks, so I could have another few sessions, and so my son could receive healing as well.

One thing I didn’t realize about this particular healer, is that his ego is so big, it blinds him. He’s so caught up with clearing everything out of a person that is not their pure divine soul, that he’s not mindful of creating chaos in the physical body. In coercing my body to energetically release too much too fast, it put my gallbladder into a state of crisis. I am still having to provide first aid to my body until all of the energetic shifts work their way through, and so far, it’s been six months. I won’t need to see that healer again.

I’ve been working with my naturopathic doctors on this issue. After having an ultrasound, my two naturopaths gave me differing advice on how to proceed (one of them has some additional training that gave me the option of keeping my gallbladder). Although it will be more work, I decided to go with my intuitive naturopath’s treatment plan: to support my body and allow it to heal. Because even if I had my gallbladder taken out, if I don’t heal what caused the crisis, illness is very likely to crop up elsewhere.

He’s got me on vitamins and supplements to support my body while it’s in crisis, and most importantly, he’s able to determine what foods I need to steer clear of while I heal. (I’m getting quite a lesson in food and my body). As well as my wonderful doctor, I have received acupuncture treatments to help my energy flow better.

About a month after my gallbladder acted up quite badly, I finally got together with my hypnotherapist and looked into it. Because the liver and gallbladder work hand in hand, the session addressed both liver and gallbladder. What came up this time, took me to not only my childhood, but took me back to a previous lifetime when I was a soldier who died on the battlefield. The beliefs that came up were about living in authenticity.

So, even though I am not thrilled about having a touchy gallbladder, forcing things to the surface pushed me to do the healing work so I wouldn’t have to have my gallbladder out. And it has been a huge learning experience on a few levels.

I’ve noticed that as I use hypnotherapy for issues in my life and heal them, I am changing. So are my hypnotherapy sessions. The information that comes through to me has more depth and complexity and clarity these days. As I heal things I no longer need to have in my energy field, I am literally clearing away darkness in all its forms. The light that I am is able to shine more brightly and more clearly.

Triggers are disappearing. Reactions to people who hurt me in the past, are dissolving. My patience and tolerance for everyone, including myself, is increasing. My love of and for self, and my connection to divine source are all getting stronger all the time. My relationships are deepening. And because so much anger is gone, the peace in my heart is more prevalent than ever.

As with a snowball rolling down a hill, growing larger as it rolls, as I create healing and evolve, my ability to affect healing increases and evolves. It’s been quite a trip. And the best part is, as with all energy, as I heal and affect my energy field, it ripples out and affects those around me, whose energies affect those around them, and so on. It affects the world. Working on yourself will affect more than just yourself, and you won’t have to DO anything other than be yourself and follow your curiosity and excitement. Beautiful!

Where is this all going? I’m not sure, and frankly, the further I go, the less I’m concerned with any sort of destination. I see that healing things in my life is more of a journey or an adventure, creating new lenses to see through. It’s dropping lenses of judgment and conditionality. And it’s creating a new way of walking in the world and relating to life. Walking in my most authentic shoes.

Do I still get upset about things and experience fear, doubt, frustration and sadness? You bet! That’s part of why we’re here: to experience the full range of emotions and feel them, not stuff them. I move through them faster and with much more ease than before, and rarely stuff them. When seem to get stuck, it’s a signal to me to take a look at what’s going on. Life is an adventure if you choose to see it that way.