Before my Kundalini awakening, I’d learned to recognize fear, anger, frustration, or other stuff in my life that kept revisiting, and I used healing sessions to address and heal it. But since I had a dramatic shift of consciousness just prior to Kundalini energy opening up, my body is reacting to other people’s stuff, forcing things I’m not even remotely aware of to bubble up from deep down inside me until like a gas bubble in my gut either I deal with it and heal it, or it causes more and more pain.
I was finally able to have another healing session recently and it was looong overdue. I can tell I need to do healing work when I’m so unbelievably disconnected from myself that most of my thoughts are dark, and I have so little energy I can barely walk a few hundred feet.
The tricky thing is, when my Kundalini Awakening began, part of integrating a deep energetic shift was waiting out changes in not only my physical but my mental body. For a while, as my brain and thoughts changed, I’d experience a barrage of dark, fear-filled thoughts that I knew were not my truth. I immediately recognized them as old wiring that was on its way out. For sometimes days, I’d observe my dark thoughts easily able to not act on them.
But now, it’s more difficult sometimes to recognize the difference between dark thoughts of integrating a shift in my energy field, and darkness I’m vibing off of from people I’m heavily energetically corded to, like family members. Darkness that’s come up needing to be released. After the cannon blast I recently received courtesy of triggering the living hell out of my man, the timing of my most recent healing session couldn’t have been better.
Before each hypnotherapy session, an intention is set. Because I’ve felt so ungrounded and tired, and because I’ve been feeling at the mercy of Kundalini energy roaring open full-blast every day making my entire system hypersensitive, I wanted first and foremost to feel better. And I wanted to have a relationship with Kundalini energy where I could connect with it. To have a conversation with it. To not feel like it’s running me, but we’re a team, in it together.
As my hypnotherapist did her thing to get my mind focused and my body relaxed, it was a little bit hard to concentrate. But sure enough, after a while, my monkey mind shut
the hell up and the journey began.
One of the techniques she uses has me walk a path that leads to a door, and on the other side of the door is a room, essentially a safe and sacred space where the magic happens. As she directed me to put a key in the door and unlock it, the door wouldn’t unlock. No matter what I did, I couldn’t unlock it. This hadn’t happened before, but I recognized this as a form of inner resistance. A part of me wasn’t able to go through the door.
When I focused on this part of me, she said it wasn’t safe to go into the room. She wondered what was wrong with her that she couldn’t unlock the lock and finally asked for help to get through the door. As my hypnotherapist asked what sort of help she needed, she recognized the door as a door of fear. I became emotional as this inner part of me became very afraid and wanted help walking through the fear. Through tears she began to voice her fears, afraid she was going to lose it all if she walked through the door. She felt overwhelmed and afraid she couldn’t handle walking through the door.
I recognized that she needed someone to come into the session to love and support her, and we called on Archangel Michael. His energy is the strongest form of unconditional love I’ve felt. He personifies strength and protection.
Just thinking about him brought Archangel Michael in. When he communicated with the part of me who was so afraid, reminding her he’s the wind beneath her wings when she’s afraid to fly, tears of release flowed and my inner self began to loosen her grip on fear and feel better. He also reminded her he’s always there even when she forgets and when she doesn’t feel him.
As my inner self began to feel better, she hugged AA Michael and took on some of his energy. He reminded her there’s nothing wrong with her, and she has the power to fly when she wants to. (More tears releasing fear). I was shown images of her fear looking like a baby bird being kicked out of the nest before she’s ready to fly. AA Michael reassured her it wouldn’t be like that. It doesn’t have to be like that.
I saw an image of AA Michael holding a nest with my inner self curled up in it, incubating like a baby bird recently hatched but not yet ready to fly. He was completely protecting her and wasn’t going to let anything bad happen to her.
I noticed this part of me feeling a bit better as she leaned into AA Michael and said that she’d been burned before by life.
All of a sudden, something about the words “burned before” triggered a massive cascade, a dump of knowledge and an emotional release as my inner self sobbed, “The flame of Kundalini energy is way too big!”
Pressing my hands into my overwhelmed solar plexus, the voice of fear came out through intense sobs. “The flame is burning her up and she can’t handle it. It’s too much. She feels like it’s going to kill her. If it doesn’t kill her, it’s going to destroy her life that she’s worked so hard for, and she doesn’t want to destroy it. It’s too much and it’s gotta stop. It’s killing me. It’s killing me.”
As the fear spoke and my hypnotherapist calmed and soothed her, I eventually heard another voice over my right shoulder. It said, “Baby-doll, you know that’s not all true.”
“It feels like it’s true, but it’s not all true.”
“You can do this.”
As an overwhelming epiphany hit, I sobbed with a release so intense I couldn’t breathe for several seconds. I’d just realized the voice was the voice of Kundalini energy herself.
“She sounds like a woman and she called me Baby-doll. Really comforting and soothing. But not nearly as gentle as other energies, like angels. It’s not light or gentle but it’s very powerful. It’s very strong. (As more tears fell) A little too strong.”
My hypnotherapist asked since the energy is a bit too strong, who could help us with this.
Then Kundalini energy herself took a few steps back, backing off.
As I said, “It feels like the first time I’ve been able to…” Bam! Another epiphany hit with another release in a barrage of tears. It was the first time I felt like I had any control over the energy. The energy that cranked open without my permission and the energy that’s been making my life a living hell for over two years.
When I finally caught my breath, I explained to my hypnotherapist what just happened. “It’s the first time I’ve connected directly with this energy.”
And the energy replied, “And it’s long overdue. I’ve been wanting to meet you. I wanted to remind you of your power, your essence, the real you. Now that we’ve met, I can lay back for a while.”
She needed to push me to this breaking point where I could connect to her directly.
Kundalini spoke. “It’s ok now. I’m taking a little step back. And you’re going to be able to connect to me easily when you want to, and have some access to your energy again.”
It felt like she had to break me first, to help me break through the fear of it. There was a wall of fear and it’s gone. More emotional releasing as I held onto my solar plexus and looked to where the door had been… and it was gone. “The door (of fear) is gone! It’s completely shattered! There’s no need for a door! It disintegrated.”
I knew that Kundalini Energy and I were finally One, describing it using my hands. I held them up, palms together, fingers outstretched as if in prayer, but spread apart and interlaced, symbolizing the new unity between us. It felt like a new, young Oneness that I knew would grow over time. A relationship. A partnership.
Feeling like the tide had turned, instead of energy being constantly sucked out from my solar plexus, it feels like it’s now going to flow inward again.
My hypnotherapist asked about a few of the intentions set at the beginning of the session; wanting sleep to be more restful so I’m not so tired and having a clearer mind so I can function better on a daily basis.
I got the feeling these things will now come without having to do anything further. The being chronically tired and foggy was part of the build-up to “breaking me”. Creating the fucked up state of Being to get me here. Time will tell.
I turned my focus to Kundalini energy and could tell she was with me, sitting by my right shoulder. With attitude, she said, “Yeah Baby, yeah Baby!” As in, she’s with me. I laughed as the mood lightened. Then I saw images of sliding or sledding, sort of like a bobsled track. Images of gliding along (in life). “You got this, easy!” With a snap of the fingers, “Ok! Time to rock and roll! We’re out of the gates! Let’s go!” More laughing.
Sitting with what was new, I was directed to “just be”.
Relaxing, my mind filled with images of dancing and partying, and someone sweeping the cobwebs out of what had been such a foggy mind. I got the sense there were a host of helper beings that were busy doing the sweeping and plugging my third chakra energy back in, and doing other things in the background.
Then I noticed a ball of colored light at my third eye, morphing between violet and indigo, the colors of my 6th and 7th chakras. It felt like those two chakras were coming back online as the cobwebs were swept out.
And then it felt like all my chakras were coming back online “properly”, not distorted. Returning to balance and alignment. I knew my heart chakra color was good as it popped online. Then my 3rd, 2nd, and first chakra colors all indicated that they popped online as well.
My energy field came back online, renewed and I knew my body would follow suit in time.
With that, my hypnotherapist began to wrap up the session by giving thanks to Archangel Michael and Kundalini energy. I heard Kundalini interject, saying, “Call me KK!” in a sassy, confident voice, not unlike that of RuPaul. As we both laughed, my hypnotherapist continued, expressing gratitude, reinforcing the new changes, and she brought me back up.
Reflecting on the voice of fear that came up, I now see that it absolutely resonated with my husband’s activated fear just days prior. Fear bringing up my own stuff, fear of losing my family because of going through a Kundalini awakening I didn’t seek out or intend to happen. It’s not been easy for my family to be around me. Although I know at a soul level the possibility for this awakening to happen definitely existed and is very purposeful, even if I’m not yet privy to the reasons why. I know in time all will become clear.