Shortly before my most recent healing session, I noticed that I’d been gravitating to drinking and eating things relating to roots: root beer, potatoes, and carrots. So it wasn’t a huge surprise when I was drawn to my root chakra during the session.
During the years of my Kundalini awakening, I’ve been drawn to address all sorts of things during my healing sessions, from body aches, pains, and issues, to recurring emotional triggers, to specific chakras. And the other day was no exception. When I can’t pinpoint anything specific but I know something needs to be released, I bring forth my higher self and let her guide the way.
Working with my talented and intuitive Reiki Master, while I was on the table, she scanned my body and invited my inner child to come in. I began the healing journey seeing my higher self in a dualistic form of a young girl who was very excited to heal what was coming, and a mature, wise adult who held the girl’s hand as they walked down a road. Initially, the road was well-lit, but before long, there were no street lights and the paved road turned to dirt.
As the pair walked along, the little girl began to embody the darkness they were walking into and became perturbed. The further they walked, the more the little one began to balk and get annoyed, and the dirt road became mud. I saw her trying to trudge through the mud as the going got more difficult. With every step, the mud became deeper and it became more difficult to move forward. The little one also began to age until she was a teenager who had quite an attitude. With every step and gripe, the wise adult encouraged her and helped her to keep moving forward.
Eventually, the teenager felt like everything was pointless and she hit an emotional wall. She’d reached the energetic block.
I asked the wise adult higher self to let me know what the block was about and was instantly taken back to when I was being molested and first realized that I was probably pregnant. It was such a terrifying thought at the time that I absolutely couldn’t face it. When I missed a few periods I wrote it off to their being new and irregular – I’d only had my period for a few months when I became pregnant. But when I began to feel inner stirrings as well, part of me was pretty sure I was pregnant and I became terrified. Not only did I blame myself for being molested but now it would be found out, the shit would hit the fan, and I’d get in so much trouble.
Being a pregnant, unmarried teen in the late 1970s was bad enough, but being pregnant by my brother was unimaginably shameful. My mother’s manic rage already terrified me but what would she do to me when she found out? And what would my beloved father think of me?
I couldn’t even begin to face it, and I saw that my consciousness had fractured. I lived in terror and denied the truth as long as I could.
Looking at my first chakra, I saw a massive ball of fear, terror, and denial, completely plugging it. It looked like a huge boulder, and my inner teen was completely frozen in fear.
Then I saw the adult higher self take the teen’s hands and say, “I’ve got you. No matter what, I’ve got you.” The moment they made a heart-to-heart connection, my heart broke open, tears began to flow, and the energetic block began to dissolve. The mud into which the teen had sunk and been stuck suddenly dried up and she took a big step up and onto what was now a dirt road. The path became easier to walk.
Because I’ve already processed so much from that time in my life, the teen quickly let go of her fear and turned to look back at the scene remarking that it had been a tough one. My soul’s choosing to be molested and going through an unintended pregnancy and birth had been a hell of a life lesson to go through and grow through. I was seeing this part of my life from a higher perspective.
Feeling a bit of resolution, I checked in with my first chakra and saw that much of the massive boulder had dissolved. It was now the size of a marble, yet there was still some darkness waiting to be addressed.
Most of my healing sessions these days contain more than just one healing moment, addressing things at different levels of consciousness. I’ll see something that relates to my life or a past life, and then I’ll see something that resonates at a more collective level. I had a feeling that whatever was left to address would take me to a broader level.
I saw my inner child walking along the road and it turned into a tunnel going underground. She began to get scared but wanted to find and heal whatever was left. As I looked at the tunnel, it began to morph into more of a tubular shape that reminded me of the inside of my colon (I’d recently had a colonoscopy), and then it morphed into a wormhole in space. Picturing the wormhole and being guided by my spirit team, I realized I was picking up on a vortex – the vortex we traverse when we enter physical reality.
I know that when we enter the physical world, we only bring in part of our soul’s energy, and we have to condense it and slow the vibration so it can merge with a physical body. When we’re in spirit, our soul is very excited to incarnate, but now I began to sense fear as well. Focusing on the fear, I connected with a part of myself who knows herself as a healer who chose to take on some massive challenges and goals for this lifetime. She was very confident in her choices to not only heal during this lifetime but to “heal the fuck out of things”. But there was also some fear about having possibly bitten off more than I can chew. Did I take on too many challenges or ones that were too tough? She knew it was going to be hard at times and not just hard but brutal with some really long-lasting trials (like this years-long awakening).
My higher self encouraged the younger one, telling her that she’s not alone. Upon speaking the word “alone” I became emotional because during many of my life’s tougher challenges, I’ve felt very alone. I’ve felt like there was no one I could turn to and no one who truly understood me because they weren’t going through my experience.
Although many people go through Kundalini awakenings, each process is unique to the individual. No one is walking the exact same road as I am. Likewise, although far too many people have been molested, no one’s experience was exactly the same as mine. That said, what we all share in common are feelings. We all go through things that leave us feeling alone.
My higher self spoke to the fearful aspect, telling her that life will be hard at times because I’ll forget all of my connections on the other side, and I’ve got a lot of them. She showed me that I’ve had many galactic lives and many lives here on Earth, and she showed me how big my energy really is. Massive! She continued, telling me that taking just a tiny thread of my energy and using it to animate a human body isn’t easy. I saw that my energy was so big it reached throughout galaxies. And the degree of difficulty of bringing only a minuscule amount of it into my body was compounded by choosing to bring down the veil of forgetting, cutting me off from Oneness and any awareness of the other side. That’s the first time we feel alone: when the veil cuts us off from Unity Consciousness.
Then they showed me the big surprise of having spiritual awakenings later in life, letting me know it was all planned before I was born. They told me that everything is going according to plan and to not worry. (I sometimes worry that I’ll never feel like myself again).
I saw the interconnectedness between many different parts of my soul. Even though we perceive time as linear, I saw many different lifetimes appearing as parts of my soul. I also saw the interconnectedness between me and my soul family. Feeling like I was floating in outer space, all these soul pieces looked like stars in the sky.
My spirit team led by my higher self validated that yes, it’s harder to be in a physical body, and said they’re very proud of me. They continued to cheer me on and before I knew it the Violet Flame showed up burning off the rest of the darkness.
The flame traveled up through my chakras and blew my heart wide open. As my back arched and the intensity of the energy made it briefly difficult to take a breath, I began to connect even deeper with spirit. I knew that the Violet Flame was burning off whatever was available to be transmuted that day, and after a few minutes, I sensed the clean-up crew coming in to sweep away the ashes.
I often see what appears to be little sprites or fairies with dustpans and whisk brushes sweeping up the leftover ashes after darkness has been healed, and this day they were led by Jesus. He tends to appear after I’ve shifted things, when blackness has turned to ash, and he gathers the ash taking it back to Source where it’s recycled (fully transmuted back into love). Jesus showed up with a broom and dustpan, cracking me up as he made like a comical janitor sweeping up the soot and ash, telling me he was part of the clean-up crew.
He told me that when I see Catholics who’ve got ashes on their forehead, this is the ash. “I take away the ash after things have been transmuted,” Jesus told me. I’m not Catholic so I’m not well-versed with the ritual, but I grew up with lots of Catholic kids in my school and saw their ash-laden foreheads on Ash Wednesday.
In my experiences with Jesus, I know he taught people how to live with Unity Consciousness. He understood the Law of Attraction: you will reap what you sow. He also understood that healing was the way to inner peace. When you are wronged, instead of seeking revenge and retribution, finding a way to feel compassion and a sense of understanding for those who have wronged you will set you free. Holding onto hate and anger in the long run only hurts you. And the ultimate form of forgiveness is the inner work of forgiving ourselves (inner healing). He’s a master healer who is all about living through your heart instead of being solely ruled by the head.
He’s referred to me as his student and I’ve seen a few bits of a past life when I connected with him, eventually becoming a disciple.
I’m pretty sure he showed up recently because it’s close to Easter. Over the past few years, even though I know he’s always with me, I don’t always see him during my healing sessions.
Once Jesus stepped back, I refocused on my first chakra and saw that the blockage was completely cleared, and the chakra, appearing as a ring, was studded by diamonds and sparkling crystals. Diamond light energy that contained all the colors of the rainbow. I could tell that tons of energy was blasting through the chakra, something like a jet engine.
Looking towards my higher self, I saw the wise, compassionate adult and the young child hand-in-hand and dancing up a storm. They were joyfully partying down, shouting how cool and fun and amazing the healing was.
Then, the older higher self turned toward me, looked me in the eyes, clasped her hands together, and solemnly bowed, telling me that I’m amazing, bringing me to tears. My heart was wide open and brimming with love as I felt the entire Universe within my heart.
Remembering My Divinity 